Money gift to "go buy X" - I can ignore, right?

[Anonymous]

A close relative has a habit of giving $20 or $40 with specific instructions like "Please buy flowers for your table" or "Your kids would like strawberries." I know it is intended kindly, even though it feels controlling. I don't think it's a figure of speech: the relative is in our house regularly and definitely notices when the requested thing doesn't happen.

Do I need to say something, other than thank you? The money will get spent on the house and kids either way, and the gift is appreciated. But if I wanted to buy those specific things I would have done so, and I don't want to explain or debate my choices.

[Anonymous]

Oh the strawberries didn’t look good so we got something else. Or whatever.

[Anonymous]

You respond "We so much appreciate your gift. Thank you for thinking of us. You are always so generous with us." If they press and ask if Little Larla liked the strawberries you can say (honestly) that you saw the ones at the store didn't look too good so instead you purchased strawberry twinkies that Little Larla loved. Yes, I try to keep the replacement gift close to the original.

[Anonymous]

You do not. The gift giver can choose to give you flowers or strawberries or cash. They chose to give you cash, and it is yours to spend as you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do not. The gift giver can choose to give you flowers or strawberries or cash. They chose to give you cash, and it is yours to spend as you like.

I like this advice. If the gift giver feels that strongly that you or the kid should have a specific item then the giver can buy it.

[Anonymous]

I would just write a thank you note and ignore the directives. It's controlling and rude for someone to tell you how to use a gift, but you appreciate the money so just show appreciation for that part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do not. The gift giver can choose to give you flowers or strawberries or cash. They chose to give you cash, and it is yours to spend as you like.

Oh, gosh. This sounds dreadfully immature. Surely you can show some gratitude and be pleasant when you're the recipient of a gift, can't you?

[Anonymous]

You say I cannot accept that as I don’t want flowers. I would like x though if you want to buy me that instead.

[Anonymous]

This relative would have to be 70+ for me to 1) accept a $20 bill, and 2) not laugh immediately in their face when they told me to buy flowers or later asked "where are the flowers I told you to buy?"

Basically I wouldn't take that money in the first place, so this wouldn't be an issue. If it were my or DH's grandma, I would use the money to send her flowers or something.

[Anonymous]

Can’t you just buy some strawberries and pocket the rest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not. The gift giver can choose to give you flowers or strawberries or cash. They chose to give you cash, and it is yours to spend as you like.

Oh, gosh. This sounds dreadfully immature. Surely you can show some gratitude and be pleasant when you're the recipient of a gift, can't you?

Gratitude isn’t incompatible with boundaries. OP sounds grateful, but she isn’t required to buy what the donor wants where it’s not desired.

[Anonymous]

My guess is it’s their way of saying I wish I had some strawberries, or I would like some flowers, so I buy whatever they wanted and assume I can keep the change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not. The gift giver can choose to give you flowers or strawberries or cash. They chose to give you cash, and it is yours to spend as you like.

Oh, gosh. This sounds dreadfully immature. Surely you can show some gratitude and be pleasant when you're the recipient of a gift, can't you?

Gratitude isn’t incompatible with boundaries. OP sounds grateful, but she isn’t required to buy what the donor wants where it’s not desired.

Re-read my post. I didn't say she had to buy what the giver wanted. I was only pointing out that she doesn't have to be rude and slam it in the giver's face. Thank you, Uncle Larlo, for thinking of us! Some of you were raised by wolves, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Just say thank you. If they ask about a specific item, you can say it’s on your shopping list for the next time you go to the grocery store, flower shop, whatever. Strawberries get eaten, flowers don’t last, so they shouldn’t expect to see all the perishables at your house every time. But maybe you can also buy some of those things once in a while to have at your house for their visit as a good host might do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You respond "We so much appreciate your gift. Thank you for thinking of us. You are always so generous with us." If they press and ask if Little Larla liked the strawberries you can say (honestly) that you saw the ones at the store didn't look too good so instead you purchased strawberry twinkies that Little Larla loved. Yes, I try to keep the replacement gift close to the original.

I agree with the idea of substituting something in the same vein.

But I'm also laughing at the idea that strawberries and strawberry twinkies are close to each other.

Did you plan school meals with Nancy Reagan?