Why eldest sibling is almost always default appointee for parental caretaking

[Anonymous]

Why eldest sibling is almost always default appointee for parental caretaking?

[Anonymous]

Parent's choice. My sibling, who has never helped anyone and very selfish was appointed the POA/estate person and then they demanded I do the actual caretaking. I was always told I was and since they lied I told them she had to do it. Several years later, no one is doing the help. My parents said that is what the attorney recommended. That attorney lacked judgement given who my sibling is.

[Anonymous]

Because typically they were raised to be "responsible"

[Anonymous]

Usually the eldest is the most responsible as they were asked to "help out" from an early age with siblings, especially if its a girl and if its more than 1 year difference to the next kid. Of course personalities play a role.

[Anonymous]

That’s not true for either my family or DH’s.

[Anonymous]

Actually it is usually the daughter(s), regardless of birth order.

[Anonymous]

In my family, it’s been these one or both of two patterns:
Eldest child had no little kids at the time the parents needed care.
Eldest child was the only daughter.

[Anonymous]

In our family, it seems it’s always been the child who lives closest to the parents, regardless of gender or birth order.

[Anonymous]

Its unfair, it should be a joint responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually it is usually the daughter(s), regardless of birth order.

Yep. It’s the most capable daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually it is usually the daughter(s), regardless of birth order.

Yep. It’s the most capable daughter.

Not in my family. Its the uninterested daughter who never helps anyone.

[Anonymous]

No, in my family it is me (middle child). Anecdata:

-My cousin’s family, it was her (oldest)
-Another cousin it was the youngest
-Of my best friends: youngest and only girl; middle; middle; middle; oldest (only girl)

[Anonymous]

In my family, it was me (the youngest daughter). I am the most responsible of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually it is usually the daughter(s), regardless of birth order.

Yep. It’s the most capable daughter.

Not in my family. Its the uninterested daughter who never helps anyone.

That might be a ploy for her attention. My dad always wanted my brother to do it because he felt ignored/neglected. Now that my brother does it, my dad complains how perfunctory his responses are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s not true for either my family or DH’s.

For us either. I am the youngest of 3 and love the closest to my parents. I’m both of their executors (they are divorced). My DH is the younger of 2 and is also the executor for his parents.

I suspect I will be the most hand son for my parents. My DH’s sister may be a bit more for him but they’ll share. It hasn’t happened yet though so who knows how it’ll work out.