Special needs first grader spitting and being aggressive

[Anonymous]

There is a peer in my child’s class that has spit in his lunch twice and also hit him along with several other classmates. It’s an on going issue and the school has not really communicated much because the student likely has some special needs and getting some extra help from an aide. What’s the best way as the parent to talk to my child after these incidents occur to explain what is going on?

[Anonymous]

Special needs like ADHD? If so, that's no excuse. Unacceptable. I would not let this go.

[Anonymous]

^^ And, I'd tell my child to report to me whenever there's an incident, I'd record it, and I would request a sit down with principal to formulate plan of action to protect my child

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter if the child has special needs? If there is aggressive behavior towards others it needs to be addressed as other children have a right to be safe at school .

[Anonymous]

OP it depends on the incident, what the school staff did said and did during and after the incidents, and what your child is saying to you.

[Anonymous]

It’s some sort of special need, not just a kid misbehaving. He’s under the care of a classroom aide for most of the day. So I want to be sensitive that it’s some sort of issue and not just a situation with a child bullying others. I did report it every time it happened. It’s been an on going issue. What typically happens in situations like this that a kid has dozens of reported incidents?

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to request that this child be seated away from your child in all settings, including the cafeteria. You can tell your child that what this child is doing isn’t acceptable and you are talking to the teacher and principal about it. I would remind your child to be kind when possible (so don’t go out of his way to be mean to this kid) but that your son has the right to protect himself if this kid hits him, shoves hit, spits at him, etc. You should be documenting all these incidents if for no other reason than to protect your kid if he finally does defend himself physically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s some sort of special need, not just a kid misbehaving. He’s under the care of a classroom aide for most of the day. So I want to be sensitive that it’s some sort of issue and not just a situation with a child bullying others. I did report it every time it happened. It’s been an on going issue. What typically happens in situations like this that a kid has dozens of reported incidents?

You can be sensitive and still protect your kid. I had to request that my child not be seated next to a student who has special needs and is incredibly disruptive (Screaming, banging head on desk, touching my daughters things, not respecting her requests that he stop). I made clear that I don’t think this kid is purposely behaving this way but it was significantly impacting my child’s ability to be on the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did request he doesn’t sit with him at lunch. My son doesn’t seem particularly bothered by the incidents like some of the others though so I think they are sitting him with the kid because he is easy going and deals with it better than other classmates. Would you just let it go and have the s hook handle it until it becomes a more serious issue for your child? Does this usually get better or worse? Anyone experience this. I personally know of about half the students in the class having some sort of one on one experience like this with him. What eventually happens to kids like this?

[Anonymous]

This kid likely needs a higher level of service and it takes an incredible amount of time to make this happen. As an experienced special ed teacher, I can tell you that it would be very helpful if you would complain about this over the principal’s head to the next level up, and to your school board member. The teachers will be grateful. Document every incident and say you want your child kept away from this child, and that your child is not receiving FAPE (free and appropriate public education) because of these aggressive behaviors. Watching other kids be victims is also affecting your child. Other parents speaking up is very effective. If some kid was hitting my kid I would tell the school that I would be calling the police, because my child is being assaulted. I don’t care how young the kids are. Your child has a right to a safe classroom. The other child, which is the type of student I work with, belongs in a more appropriate setting where they will be relieved that they can get the help they need. I’ve seen it happen so many times. Speak up about this, please.

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry about the does it get better/worse thing or what the other kids actual needs or issues are.

Whether it is a kid with special needs or the most typical, average kid in the world, the best way to handle it is to document what is happening. Email the teacher and copy the principal if the teacher isn’t responsive after the 1st incident. Describe what happened completely objectively. Don’t guess at motives or talk about the impact on your child except to say that your child is in an unsafe learning environment and their ability to learn is being negatively impacted. If you can cite specific dates, times, or interactions, that is helpful. Describing physical contact or things like spitting in a totally straightforward way is ok.

The school needs documented incidents to justify changing the child’s placement and/or their access to additional interventions and supports. The parents may not want these incidents documented OR they may desperate for more documentation so that they can seek support or a placement that is currently being denied. You don’t know which and that isn’t your problem.

The situation won’t get better, so focus on chain of command and documentation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did request he doesn’t sit with him at lunch. My son doesn’t seem particularly bothered by the incidents like some of the others though so I think they are sitting him with the kid because he is easy going and deals with it better than other classmates. Would you just let it go and have the s hook handle it until it becomes a more serious issue for your child? Does this usually get better or worse? Anyone experience this. I personally know of about half the students in the class having some sort of one on one experience like this with him. What eventually happens to kids like this?

My easy going NT child is always the child who is seated next to and partnered with children with behavioral issues. Like your child he's not really bothered by the issues and it does not really impact his ability to learn. He learned a lot of empathy from those experiences and it's really made him a better person. These issues usually get better over time because more supports will be put in place and the children will mature. There was one classmate who hit him during a meltdown a few years ago. It had nothing to do with my child but he happened to be walking by as they were seated at the same table. That child is doing great now with no issues in class. That is one path.

Another path is that the child may be moved out of general education into a different program with more support but that takes time so it could be many months. IME parents are often pleading for these programs but districts are often reluctant to do it because it's expensive so it takes many levels of meetings to make this happen. A lot of these kids come back to gen ed after a few years.

Also, your child sounds like a great kid and your posts are really very empathetic. I think whatever you do will be done in a sensitive way because you seem like that kind of person. I'm sorry this is happening for your child and the other child and hope things get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter if the child has special needs? If there is aggressive behavior towards others it needs to be addressed as other children have a right to be safe at school .

Of course it matters.

OP, is the "special aid" a para educator? If so, they need a new one. I work with special needs kids and the ones who are aggressive have paras right next to them at all times, and drag them out of the classroom ASAP when things start to go south.

[Anonymous]

I worked with a spitter in 1st-3rd grades. He really liked spitting on people to get reactions. The more you reacted, the more likely he'd target you - and it's hard to not react.

Substitutes had it the worst.

At lunch, we wouldn't let anyone sit right next to him for that and other reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kid likely needs a higher level of service and it takes an incredible amount of time to make this happen. As an experienced special ed teacher, I can tell you that it would be very helpful if you would complain about this over the principal’s head to the next level up, and to your school board member. The teachers will be grateful. Document every incident and say you want your child kept away from this child, and that your child is not receiving FAPE (free and appropriate public education) because of these aggressive behaviors. Watching other kids be victims is also affecting your child. Other parents speaking up is very effective. If some kid was hitting my kid I would tell the school that I would be calling the police, because my child is being assaulted. I don’t care how young the kids are. Your child has a right to a safe classroom. The other child, which is the type of student I work with, belongs in a more appropriate setting where they will be relieved that they can get the help they need. I’ve seen it happen so many times. Speak up about this, please.

This is insane. And you work with special needs kids??? The kid is spitting in food. If he were biting or scratching etc, that would be a different story.

We live in a community. SPED kids are part of our community. One of my kids went to a school with SPED kids in the classroom (BE) and he learned so much about accepting others, having empathy, etc. That was basically the only good thing about that school.

School is about teaching kids to be a part of a community, too. Parents (and apparently teachers) who think it's all about "Me me me" are raising kids who will simply continue eroding the society we all live in. We should care about each other. Shame.