How would you take this comment from a travel sports coach

[Anonymous]

He told DS that he was "faster than he looked." It's a compliment of sorts, but would you take it as a backhanded one about weight? DS has gained some weight this year, but it still well within the range of normal (5 foot and 100 lbs).

[Anonymous]

It depends on how he carries the weight. Some people look strong but stocky and that's not your typical "fast runner" body type.

But almost any time somebody says "you're [complement] than you look," it's a backhanded complement, unintentional or not.

[Anonymous]

Eh, it might just mean he doesn't look super muscley. I
wouldn't read too much into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how he carries the weight. Some people look strong but stocky and that's not your typical "fast runner" body type.

But almost any time somebody says "you're [complement] than you look," it's a backhanded complement, unintentional or not.

to be clear, I absolutely don't think what the coach said was a big deal. Even if it was an intentional slight, I can't imagine it actually mattering.

[Anonymous]

But almost any time somebody says "you're [complement] than you look," it's a backhanded complement, unintentional or not.


to be clear, I absolutely don't think what the coach said was a big deal. Even if it was an intentional slight, I can't imagine it actually mattering.

OP here. Yes, I don't think it was intentional, but I do think it was a backhanded compliment. It also makes me a bit uncomfortable because we are Central American, and my son has a build like his father - a bit stockier. Still, there is nothing to do but let it go.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the weight - muscle or no. My son is 5'1" currently and maybe 70 pounds. Just bone and muscle. He is a very fast runner, because he has a runner's build.

100 pounds is definitely on the heavy side, but not if all muscle.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the weight - muscle or no. My son is 5'1" currently and maybe 70 pounds. Just bone and muscle.

Yikes, that is really light. My son is 5 foot and 85 lbs, and I can see his ribs when he walks around with his shirt off. I also have to order him special "slim" sized pants. He does have larger shoulders, but I can't imagine him weighing 15 lbs less and being taller.

[Anonymous]

That's a compliment. Take it like that and forget it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think you should read too much into it but those kinds of comments are usually backhanded compliments. I think it might also stem from the fact that it's usually the tall, lanky kids who are fast. Most people wouldn't expect a solid kid to be as fast.

And I don't think 100 lbs at 5' is "fat" as PP stated. It all depends on body type and muscle. My DS is 4'9" and 84 lbs. You'd never know he weighs as much as he does but he is as solid as a rock. I wouldn't quite call him stocky because he's tall for his age, but he doesn't look like a lot of his friends and teammates. There is literally a 30-lb difference between my DS and his best buddy on the team. One of the ways this works to my DS' advantage is that he doesn't get pushed around on the field and he has powerful legs.

My DD is only 6 but she's quite dense, too. You'd never know it because she looks somewhat petite for her age--she's only about 3.5" tall but she weighs over 40 lbs! Almost as much as some of DS' teammates who are over 3 years older than her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think it depends on the weight - muscle or no. My son is 5'1" currently and maybe 70 pounds. Just bone and muscle.

Yikes, that is really light. My son is 5 foot and 85 lbs, and I can see his ribs when he walks around with his shirt off. I also have to order him special "slim" sized pants. He does have larger shoulders, but I can't imagine him weighing 15 lbs less and being taller.

My boy is slim/skeletal. He eats an insane amount and it active. He is 11, so is just starting to get shoulders and chest - but no where near filling out. Both his dad and myself are lean. So it is genetics. Dad would be described as a beanpole build (very tall, lean). Pediatrician looks at his dad and has zero concerns. He eats what he needs. Pants are a NIGHTMARE to but. He has an 8 year's old waist but the length for a 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, that is really light. My son is 5 foot and 85 lbs, and I can see his ribs when he walks around with his shirt off. I also have to order him special "slim" sized pants. He does have larger shoulders, but I can't imagine him weighing 15 lbs less and being taller.


My boy is slim/skeletal. He eats an insane amount and it active. He is 11, so is just starting to get shoulders and chest - but no where near filling out. Both his dad and myself are lean. So it is genetics. Dad would be described as a beanpole build (very tall, lean). Pediatrician looks at his dad and has zero concerns. He eats what he needs. Pants are a NIGHTMARE to but. He has an 8 year's old waist but the length for a 12 year old.

That's all fine and good, but I don't think it is helpful to OP. It's not what most kids should be striving for, even if it is healthy for your own child in light of his particular genetics.

[Anonymous]

So when you watch someone run some seem more fluid vs others. They look good running. With travel coaches a lot of their assessment of a player is based on how they look and move specially at the younger ages.

What the coach is saying is your kid does not look fast. Now after seeing him on the field the coach thinks he is not as slow as he/she thought.

Usually this is seen in the hips. It will matter at tryouts when the coaches are looks at a lot of kids and make a quick decision. You can go to places to work on running form.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yikes, that is really light. My son is 5 foot and 85 lbs, and I can see his ribs when he walks around with his shirt off. I also have to order him special "slim" sized pants. He does have larger shoulders, but I can't imagine him weighing 15 lbs less and being taller.


My boy is slim/skeletal. He eats an insane amount and it active. He is 11, so is just starting to get shoulders and chest - but no where near filling out. Both his dad and myself are lean. So it is genetics. Dad would be described as a beanpole build (very tall, lean). Pediatrician looks at his dad and has zero concerns. He eats what he needs. Pants are a NIGHTMARE to but. He has an 8 year's old waist but the length for a 12 year old.

That's all fine and good, but I don't think it is helpful to OP. It's not what most kids should be striving for, even if it is healthy for your own child in light of his particular genetics.

Not OP, but a 5 foot 85 pound kid is stocky. I would think football player/rugby at that weight - and yes, would be surprised if fast.

[Anonymous]

I had one of those who was a late grower and a lot of assumptions were made before actually seeing him play. He's now a 6 foot, muscular 17-year old.

My 14-year old is the opposite so, so skinny, beanpole but is "stronger and tougher than he looks'.

You can't win. I think both have been held back on occasion because of assumptions, but they all grow up.

[Anonymous]

As a former chubby boy, I’ll weigh in. As a 10 year old, I was about 4’11 and over 100lbs ( I think 110 if memory serves - I remember not wanting to do wrestling because they posted the weights of the kids that did it).

When a coach would tell me things like this, I took it as nothing but a compliment. I knew I didn’t look fast but that i was faster than most of the other kids.

As many former chubby kids, I grew out of it once I went through puberty.