DW’s haircut

[Anonymous]

My DW is a wonderful person: generous, kind, funny, smart. But for some reason she gets her hair cut and dyed in a way that makes her look like the opposite of all those things. It’s a very hard looking style that says “ I’d like to speak to the manager.” I know it’s none of my business and she of course she should wear her hair however she likes. And I have never said a peep about it, ever. But the gap between this look and who she is is so big that I sometimes wonder if there is some way I could encourage a move away from it.

[Anonymous]

Show her a picture of her hairstyle on someone else (celebrity) and say "She'd be SO pretty with a different hairstyle. Act innocent. Do this a few times a week. See if she takes the hint.

Then when she connects the dots and says "Um, that's MY hairstyle - don't you like my hair?" don't answer with yes or no, but just say "Actually, you know what I think would really accentuate your eyes/cheekbones/whatever? If you did layers started shoulder length and a color like two shades lighter than you have now (or whatever). If you can show her a picture even better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Show her a picture of her hairstyle on someone else (celebrity) and say "She'd be SO pretty with a different hairstyle. Act innocent. Do this a few times a week. See if she takes the hint.

Then when she connects the dots and says "Um, that's MY hairstyle - don't you like my hair?" don't answer with yes or no, but just say "Actually, you know what I think would really accentuate your eyes/cheekbones/whatever? If you did layers started shoulder length and a color like two shades lighter than you have now (or whatever). If you can show her a picture even better.

do not do this

[Anonymous]

Ask a family member to comment on her style

[Anonymous]

She must want to look serious and/or she likes the way she looks with that haircut.

I wore my hair super short of most of my life until we moved and had yet to find a salon. It grew out some, and DH (who had never commented on my hair) said how great I looked. The longer it grew, the more compliments. And this is a guy who I know loves me.

I have never worn short hair since.

[Anonymous]

Probably all her friends have been encouraging her to have an awful haircut, and now you're going to hear the DCUM anons screeching that you should stay out of her hair decisions. (What fun to sabotage women whom you don't even know!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Show her a picture of her hairstyle on someone else (celebrity) and say "She'd be SO pretty with a different hairstyle. Act innocent. Do this a few times a week. See if she takes the hint.

Then when she connects the dots and says "Um, that's MY hairstyle - don't you like my hair?" don't answer with yes or no, but just say "Actually, you know what I think would really accentuate your eyes/cheekbones/whatever? If you did layers started shoulder length and a color like two shades lighter than you have now (or whatever). If you can show her a picture even better.

do not do this

+100

[Anonymous]

What is the hairstyle? Maybe she finds it easier to manage? She is the one having to deal with her hair, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She must want to look serious and/or she likes the way she looks with that haircut.

I wore my hair super short of most of my life until we moved and had yet to find a salon. It grew out some, and DH (who had never commented on my hair) said how great I looked. The longer it grew, the more compliments. And this is a guy who I know loves me.

I have never worn short hair since.

Or she's not good at articulating what she wants to her hairdresser, like me. Or she goes to a hairdresser who's not good at doing what's best for her hair. Also me.

[Anonymous]

Does she work? It might be professional armor. In general it’s hard for women, especially middle aged women, to be taken seriously professionally with hair that men consider attractive. I know people will come with the exceptions but the exceptions tend to be very glamorous women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Show her a picture of her hairstyle on someone else (celebrity) and say "She'd be SO pretty with a different hairstyle. Act innocent. Do this a few times a week. See if she takes the hint.

Then when she connects the dots and says "Um, that's MY hairstyle - don't you like my hair?" don't answer with yes or no, but just say "Actually, you know what I think would really accentuate your eyes/cheekbones/whatever? If you did layers started shoulder length and a color like two shades lighter than you have now (or whatever). If you can show her a picture even better.

Wtf? How can anyone go through life and have relationships being this nutty/manipulative? Have some balls and some respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Show her a picture of her hairstyle on someone else (celebrity) and say "She'd be SO pretty with a different hairstyle. Act innocent. Do this a few times a week. See if she takes the hint.

Then when she connects the dots and says "Um, that's MY hairstyle - don't you like my hair?" don't answer with yes or no, but just say "Actually, you know what I think would really accentuate your eyes/cheekbones/whatever? If you did layers started shoulder length and a color like two shades lighter than you have now (or whatever). If you can show her a picture even better.

Wtf? How can anyone go through life and have relationships being this nutty/manipulative? Have some balls and some respect.

Seriously. If this man's wife does not immediately see through this as a passive aggressive attempt to manipulate her, then she has bigger problems than bad hair.

Better advice, IMHO, is if OP has a particular hairstyle he thinks would look good on his wife, maybe ask her (once!!!!) if she has ever considered it. Plant the seed, but do not say anything critical about the current style (directly or indirectly), and do not keep dropping hints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she work? It might be professional armor. In general it’s hard for women, especially middle aged women, to be taken seriously professionally with hair that men consider attractive. I know people will come with the exceptions but the exceptions tend to be very glamorous women.

Not really. You can wear an elegant ponytail or chic bun if you have long feminine hair in the workplace.

[Anonymous]

I'm very thankful my husband tells me outright what he likes and doesn't like. I keep his preferences in mind, but do my own thing. Sometimes they overlap, sometimes they don't, but I know how to look the way he wants if need be.

And vice versa.

I really cannot relate to weird marriage in which no one tells the truth. How on earth can you live with each other for years and have any kind of close bond?!?!

[Anonymous]

This is confusing. Are you not attracted to her because of the haircut, or do you just not like it because you think it doesn’t match her personality?

Tread carefully. I have long hair, and my H is attracted to short hair. Once he brought up that he’d be more attracted to me if I cut my hair short. I let him know I’m very attracted to men with full heads of hair, and I’d be much more attracted to him if his wasn’t thinning.

If it’s really just the personality thing, for sure let it go. Are you embarrassed other people will think she’s a Karen? Who cares if they do?