Age to babysit siblings at night

[Anonymous]

Our eldest is almost 13. We have a sitter who helps ferry kids around to afterschool activities and does dinner and bedtime with them if dh and I have to work late or want to go out. Dh thinks we should start letting the sitter go earlier (like after dinner) on nights when we are out because our oldest should be able to be in charge of the two younger kids. She’s a responsible and smart kid and she’s stayed home alone or with one (a few times both) siblings for a few hours before but not at bedtime.

If you have multiple kids how old were they when you stopped using an evening sitter? Younger kids are 8 & 10.

[Anonymous]

Do the younger ones go to bed easily? I would try it once when I was somewhere I could leave easily (like dinner) to come home and read the younger ones the riot act as needed, but I would do this.

FWIW, I hire a 13 year old sitter to put my kids to bed - mine are 9, 7, 5. Other than the sibling angle (which can be huge), that’s pretty close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the younger ones go to bed easily? I would try it once when I was somewhere I could leave easily (like dinner) to come home and read the younger ones the riot act as needed, but I would do this.

FWIW, I hire a 13 year old sitter to put my kids to bed - mine are 9, 7, 5. Other than the sibling angle (which can be huge), that’s pretty close.

10yo is very self sufficient and easy. She can be defiant with her sister at times but generally doesn’t question authority so I think if sister was “in charge”
She would be fine. Worst she might do it want to watch tv.
8yo is somewhat needy and likes to have someone stay while he falls asleep. He’s easy and super sweet and loves his sisters but he does have some separation anxiety issues especially coming out of the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Starting at 12 and 8.

[Anonymous]

Idea for you - my parents used to pay me and my brother when we stayed home alone (he was older) - gave us both a reason to be good because neither would be paid if we fought or things went wrong

[Anonymous]

The issue isn't how mature and responsible the oldest is. The issue is what the dynamic is between all the kids who'll be home alone - will the younger ones listen when the oldest says it's bedtime? Or will it turn into Lord of the Flies and total anarchy?

Also, for whatever this is worth, I have six, and anytime siblings babysit siblings, we pay them, and also offer them the "job" and they're free to turn it down. It cuts resentment.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the thoughts and advice. All helpful. Yeah, I was planning to pay the eldest and thinking about incentive pay for the other two.

I guess my big question is does the eldest go to sleep if parents are out late? Ours definitely needs her sleep and is usually asleep at the same time as our youngest or just after. Middle kid is the night owl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the thoughts and advice. All helpful. Yeah, I was planning to pay the eldest and thinking about incentive pay for the other two.

I guess my big question is does the eldest go to sleep if parents are out late? Ours definitely needs her sleep and is usually asleep at the same time as our youngest or just after. Middle kid is the night owl.

Looks like middle kid is your sitter, then!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the thoughts and advice. All helpful. Yeah, I was planning to pay the eldest and thinking about incentive pay for the other two.

I guess my big question is does the eldest go to sleep if parents are out late? Ours definitely needs her sleep and is usually asleep at the same time as our youngest or just after. Middle kid is the night owl.

I'm the one with six kids. When one of them is babysitting, we just say that one goes to sleep last. After the younger ones are in bed and settled. They don't have to wait until the others are asleep, but they have to be settled in bed, lights out (or secretly reading with a flashlight).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the thoughts and advice. All helpful. Yeah, I was planning to pay the eldest and thinking about incentive pay for the other two.

I guess my big question is does the eldest go to sleep if parents are out late? Ours definitely needs her sleep and is usually asleep at the same time as our youngest or just after. Middle kid is the night owl.

I'm the one with six kids. When one of them is babysitting, we just say that one goes to sleep last. After the younger ones are in bed and settled. They don't have to wait until the others are asleep, but they have to be settled in bed, lights out (or secretly reading with a flashlight).

Oh, that works. She can definitely be last in bed and I know she’d be helpful with her brother. But do they go to sleep? Obviously a paid babysitter isn’t usually falling asleep at your place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue isn't how mature and responsible the oldest is. The issue is what the dynamic is between all the kids who'll be home alone - will the younger ones listen when the oldest says it's bedtime? Or will it turn into Lord of the Flies and total anarchy?

Also, for whatever this is worth, I have six, and anytime siblings babysit siblings, we pay them, and also offer them the "job" and they're free to turn it down. It cuts resentment.

Totally agree. I was able to do this when mine were 13 (twins, boy and girl) and 11 (boy). Wasn’t able to do so any sooner because of the dynamic between the 2 boys (always a risk of rough play going south- doing dumb stuff when together- just too rowdy). DD combined with either boy was always totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Never, they are not the 13 year olds responsibility. Your kids. Use the sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the thoughts and advice. All helpful. Yeah, I was planning to pay the eldest and thinking about incentive pay for the other two.

I guess my big question is does the eldest go to sleep if parents are out late? Ours definitely needs her sleep and is usually asleep at the same time as our youngest or just after. Middle kid is the night owl.

I'm the one with six kids. When one of them is babysitting, we just say that one goes to sleep last. After the younger ones are in bed and settled. They don't have to wait until the others are asleep, but they have to be settled in bed, lights out (or secretly reading with a flashlight).

You shouldn't have your oldest parent the younger kids. Your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the thoughts and advice. All helpful. Yeah, I was planning to pay the eldest and thinking about incentive pay for the other two.

I guess my big question is does the eldest go to sleep if parents are out late? Ours definitely needs her sleep and is usually asleep at the same time as our youngest or just after. Middle kid is the night owl.

I'm the one with six kids. When one of them is babysitting, we just say that one goes to sleep last. After the younger ones are in bed and settled. They don't have to wait until the others are asleep, but they have to be settled in bed, lights out (or secretly reading with a flashlight).

Oh, that works. She can definitely be last in bed and I know she’d be helpful with her brother. But do they go to sleep? Obviously a paid babysitter isn’t usually falling asleep at your place.

Sure. They're in bed, in pjs, so it's fine to go to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the thoughts and advice. All helpful. Yeah, I was planning to pay the eldest and thinking about incentive pay for the other two.

I guess my big question is does the eldest go to sleep if parents are out late? Ours definitely needs her sleep and is usually asleep at the same time as our youngest or just after. Middle kid is the night owl.

I'm the one with six kids. When one of them is babysitting, we just say that one goes to sleep last. After the younger ones are in bed and settled. They don't have to wait until the others are asleep, but they have to be settled in bed, lights out (or secretly reading with a flashlight).

You shouldn't have your oldest parent the younger kids. Your responsibility.

Wow, thanks for telling me this brand new information that nobody has ever said once before to me. You've totally made me reevaluate my entire value system and change my entire lifestyle. I can't wait to see what other gems you'll drop that will revolutionize a stranger's life choices.