Can you have a good relationship with a sibling who only is in touch when they need something?

[Anonymous]

My very general question is in the subject line. I am wondering if others can feel like they’re content or content enough with that kind of a sibling relationship, where the relationship is characterized by a sibling only reaching out for favors, information, answers for questions, hookups for different opportunities. I myself can’t find contentment in this, and wonder if that’s too harsh or appropriate.

[Anonymous]

No, not good relationship.

[Anonymous]

I can't, personally.

[Anonymous]

I accept I can't control this person and respond how I feel like at the time. Nothing more nothing less.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Yes but over time my expectations of this sibling have really touched the floor. I still would rather have him in my life than not but I sort of view him as a permanent teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My very general question is in the subject line. I am wondering if others can feel like they’re content or content enough with that kind of a sibling relationship, where the relationship is characterized by a sibling only reaching out for favors, information, answers for questions, hookups for different opportunities. I myself can’t find contentment in this, and wonder if that’s too harsh or appropriate.

It really depends on your particular relationship. My sister is a non-emotional type who is most comfortable when she’s being asked or answering factual questions. She likes sharing her knowledge and will research something and share a portfolio of options. When she says “this is the best model of air fryer” or “check the allocation of your 401k funds” I know she’s saying “I love you”.

I love her, too!

[Anonymous]

I think so. But you have to expect nothing from the sibling. Rock bottom expectations. It would be unconditional positive regard for that person, which is easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

Yes. That's their way of interacting with you. What more do you want? If you want more, initiate it yourself. Personally I would be fine with only being contacted for logistical reasons.

[Anonymous]

No. Both of my siblings are this way and I’ve had to cut off the money and gray rock them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My very general question is in the subject line. I am wondering if others can feel like they’re content or content enough with that kind of a sibling relationship, where the relationship is characterized by a sibling only reaching out for favors, information, answers for questions, hookups for different opportunities. I myself can’t find contentment in this, and wonder if that’s too harsh or appropriate.

For me I was fine just seeing eachother at family events and I pit up with the reaching our for favors. I don't mind sharing info. As my life got more stressful and I put boundaries on the asking for favors I was shocked at how entitled sibling and unappreciative sibling was, especially since we were never close. I felt used. As I found myself stuck with the worst of the parent caregiving tasks and no empathy of support from sibling I decided the relationship is nothing but a burden. I am polite and distant and fine with seeing eachother at events, but will not have a relationship beyond that. It's all take, take take. She takes favors from her parents and handouts. She took from me until I set limits. There was nothing reciprocal or enjoyable and the rare time she did anything remotely kind she felt you owed her. Ick.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a lot in common with my brother. We're in touch about family stuff and that's fine. I might reach out about planning a 70th birthday party for our dad or going halvsies on Theatre tickets for my parents for Christmas or splitting an AirBnB for a family wedding. It's fine. I'm sure I'd do a favor for him if he asked, but would be surprised for him to even ask. Usually we're in touch to coordinate stuff for our parents.

[Anonymous]

Soooooo ... most of the time they are copacetic. Their life is running smoothly, they are happy and content, and they don't have any troubles. Life is good, as they say, and they stay in their lane, living their best life as they see fit as a strong independent person.

But then they run into a problem, or they have a question, or they need support.

And you're upset that they turn to you for help? Huh.

To whom should they turn for help if not a sibling? Should they wallow around in a blather? Should they not seek any assistance? Should they keep bailing out their sinking ship even after it has sunk?

That's what you want? Really?

And you think they have a problem because they turn to you? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soooooo ... most of the time they are copacetic. Their life is running smoothly, they are happy and content, and they don't have any troubles. Life is good, as they say, and they stay in their lane, living their best life as they see fit as a strong independent person.

But then they run into a problem, or they have a question, or they need support.

And you're upset that they turn to you for help? Huh.

To whom should they turn for help if not a sibling? Should they wallow around in a blather? Should they not seek any assistance? Should they keep bailing out their sinking ship even after it has sunk?

That's what you want? Really?

And you think they have a problem because they turn to you? Wow.

You have a lot of torqued movies that screen 24-7 in your mind. Wow is the right word for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My very general question is in the subject line. I am wondering if others can feel like they’re content or content enough with that kind of a sibling relationship, where the relationship is characterized by a sibling only reaching out for favors, information, answers for questions, hookups for different opportunities. I myself can’t find contentment in this, and wonder if that’s too harsh or appropriate.

??? Do you ever reach out to them? If you want more, have you initiated with them? It sounds like you want more but you aren't exerting yourself at all. Get off your keister and start to do something. Like they're supposed to read your mind. So, yes, you sound harsh and unrealistic, and immature. I also think your use of the word "contentment" is quite weird.