Is it possible to break up and remain friends?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months. We are both dating for marriage and kids. He has tried hard in our relationship, e.g., paying for all of our outings and dinners, buying me flowers, etc. However, he has some personal issues (mental health) that lead me to conclude that while we get along well, it wouldn’t be a great idea to marry and have children with him. We had been discussing building our future together, including writing about our relationship milestones in a journal and he keeps photos of us by his desk at work. He was also very supportive during a recent surgery I had. Honestly, I’m going to miss him dearly if we lose contact, which is the main reason I haven’t broken up with him yet. I don’t think he is going to take the break up well. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Accept the fact that it's not entirely up to you.

He's been good to you and that's the main reason you want to keep him around. What would you be to him? If you'll be a source of pain to him, then respect his feelings and leave him alone.

FWIW, I think it's unkind to string him along when you already know you don't want a future with him.

[Anonymous]

It'd be cruel and selfish of you to try to be friends or even stay in contact with this guy after a breakup (until you're confident he's moved on).

[Anonymous]

No, not in this instance, I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

No, especially in the case you are describing

[Anonymous]

Why does he have to pay for everything, OP? You mean to say that you took advantage of this guy for six months, but now you want to go on the prowl because you're bored with him, but you want to keep him around in case you need him to fall back on if something else doesn't pan out. Break up with him, and next time you find a guy, pay for your half of everything instead of mooching off him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Accept the fact that it's not entirely up to you.

He's been good to you and that's the main reason you want to keep him around. What would you be to him? If you'll be a source of pain to him, then respect his feelings and leave him alone.

FWIW, I think it's unkind to string him along when you already know you don't want a future with him.

+1
You can be friends after a break up IF
(1) the breakup was fairly amicable and mutual
(2) you are actually friends, meaning you have some interests in common and like each other outside of the romantic context
(3) neither of you secretly hope you'll get back together

So basically, if you're friends and you break up because you don't have any real chemistry, you could be friends post-breakup.

[Anonymous]

Would you really miss him? Or would you miss someone who bought you stuff and helped you when you needed it? Because those are two very different things, and if you break up, he shouldn't be buying you stuff and he won't be as available to help you out.

[Anonymous]

No, not in this instance. He will likely be hurt and it wouldn't be fair to give him false hope of reconciliation. Besides, what makes you think he would want to remain friends?

[Anonymous]

I’ve done it with a few FWB.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to remain friends. It takes a little time but I accept that she's in another relationship.

[Anonymous]

Sure, but not right away. Maybe 6 months to a year down the line, but it sounds like he's far too attached.

[Anonymous]

I was able to be friends with exes when I was younger, probably because I am female and they needed me more.

[Anonymous]

So you’re basically using him for free neals and support as you go through surgery? Please break up with him and leave that poor man alone.

[Anonymous]

No. not fair to him.