Adult Children with ADHD
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Anonymous
| If your AC has/had ADD or ADHD, what did his or her path look like? College acceptances/ college journey, career etc? |
Anonymous
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XDH has ADHD and I have two kids.
First kid with ADHD has a work ethic beyond belief. Also talent in a particular area, which combined with good grades got the kid into a top ivy. Kid did well in college but wasn’t Phi Beta Kappa or anything. Mostly kid ran a club, held a few great internships, and was nominated by Dean to a sought-after student rep position. Kid spent two years working and is now in a great grad school. Interestingly, kid didn’t have a diagnosis until after college, but when DC told college friends they said “we thought you had ADHD and thought you knew.” I’ve never been sure the second kid has ADHD—a two-day psych testing panel in high school said no. That kid is being medicated for it anyway. Severe depression and lack of work ethic are bigger problems and that kid is still struggling through college. Depression and ADHD do often come together, which argues for DC2 having ADHD as well, and it’s something to keep an eye out for. |
Anonymous
He'll be 18 in 11 months, but he's already out of school, working, saving money, and his 5yr plan is to be independently wealthy. He will decide whether or not college is the route he wants to take to achieve his goal. Hustlers do not need college in order to be successful. It's all about mindset. ADHD is a useful tool to have if you want to reach the top. Harness that power. It's definitely no handicap. I taught my son to harness his power to make it work for him. He is already off and running, and I just sit back and watch and grin. 
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Anonymous
Mine is dead set on getting his college degree and is now 26. Failed out of college, joined military, got out and is using the GI Bill benefits, but it is really a struggle. He's definitely is more mature, but the executive function problems persist. I wish he would "play to his strengths", and college followed by the ultimate desk job scenario is a future disaster, I fear. |
Anonymous
| DD is a junior in college- did well enough in HS but college has been a struggle, will need an extra year for sure but should get a degree. She makes friends but has trouble keeping them as there is usually some sort of fall out. She doesn't always make good choices but she'll do fine - I think maturity will help. |
Anonymous
I’ve recently found out that my adult in college daughter is adhd. So how do you mean that it’s his superpower? How is this beneficial for him? |
Anonymous
NP here and to this PP, can you explain what you mean about "it's no handicap" and "harnessing his power" ? My DD was undiagnosed ADHD (mostly because she held it together for school and did well) until a therapist suggested a re-eval, and she came up classic ADHD. She is really happy bc she felt misunderstood all these years. The issue was she was not diagnosed until summer before college so I didn't get a handle on it, and I'd like to help her see it not just as "finally, I'm understood, and it explains a lot, and it's a bit of an excuse to underperform now" To OP, my kid is starting her second year at UChicago next Tuesday, and she did okay her first year, not stellar but they've got that Core curriculum that beats up on lots of kids. I was terrified (literally having anxiety attacks) that she wouldn't fledge, which led to her diagnosis and then a ?life coach who specializes in ADHD. That person taught her coping stategies that tend to come naturally to most other people. Like...you don't keep your whole calendar in your head and then try and remember it and inevitably fail; instead you put it on your events on your iphone. She still meets with that coach over zoom. It's not covered by medical insurance, but it is the best investment we could have made. Along those lines, my DD has a "team" of adults now. A therapist. A psychiatrist. This ADHD coach. And me. But before, it was only me, and it was both killing me and ineffective for her. She now goes to her team for many things instead of me, and it's been great for me personally, and great for our relationship. (btw I wish I could say DH was part of the team but he just messes up; they are too alike--and my DD can see that, but DH cannot. DH is much less self-aware than his therapized DD) Okay OP, hope this helps, and PP, hope you can elaborate of harnessing the power of ADHD! |
Anonymous
| I think PP was talking about kids who are hyperactive, so they have a lot of energy and can accomplish a lot. However there’s also the inattentive type, who has arguably less energy and is often “day dreaming” at school. I think some of these kids are creative, smart and sensitive/empathetic. I wonder how you would harness their ADHD. Not everyone is cut out to be in a creative field. |
Anonymous
NP. I am an adult with adhd inattentive and have to push back. It’s a common misconception that adhd means you can’t concentrate/pay attention (of course the naming “inattentive” doesn’t help - that’s a DSM problem). ADHD is trouble *regulating* attention, and leads to hyperfocus as easily as inability to focus. Think of your kids spending hours playing a video game or reading a new book, not remembering to eat, pee, or sleep. Sound familiar? It’s a common story for people with ADHD when they are doing something they are interested in. The lack of attention comes in when they are bored. The key in harnessing this as an adult so that it becomes a “superpower” is that you need to find a way to turn your natural interests into a career. Not in a “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” way. But rather, figuring out the activities that you tend to hyperfocus on (e.g. building things, sorting stuff, reading, etc) and finding a career that uses those skills. Many adhd adults make great programmers because programming is a good environment for hyper focusing on a task all day, there are deadlines to meet, and there are mini milestones that can provide the dopamine burst people with adhd need to keep going (e.g. implementing a new feature, working out a bug). In this kind of job, ADHD can be a superpower. I know ADHD adults who are successful in a variety of different roles (event planner, electrical engineer, carpenter)… the key is that these jobs involve things that are interesting and rewarding to the individuals pursuing them, and support the adhd natural working cycle of big pushes to meet deadlines, followed by break periods with lower activity/motivation. ADHD adults won’t do typically well in jobs that they find boring, in jobs without defined deadlines, or in jobs that are very consistent day to day with little change in activity/workload. We tend to thrive in jobs that challenging, have variety in day to day tasks, and have busy and slow periods. |
Anonymous
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ADHD 20 yo is at UMD and doing great. It took a while to get it together but by 9th grade DC earned good grades, learned to self-advocate and developed good work habits. Took all honors and a few AP and graduated with a good GPA (sort of middle of the pack at our high performing school). Only challenge was getting DC to study for the SAT but the score was ok. Got into all schools applied to, many with merit, but wasn’t aiming for top tier. Once committed to UMD, DC worked with the office of disability services to get appropriate accommodations.
DC is successfully employed through a good internship and an A student. I never imagined in middle school that DC would be where they are today. There are some residual challenges but they don’t affect work or school. |
Anonymous
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[quoteThe key in harnessing this as an adult so that it becomes a “superpower” is that you need to find a way to turn your natural interests into a career. Not in a “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” way. But rather, figuring out the activities that you tend to hyperfocus on (e.g. building things, sorting stuff, reading, etc) and finding a career that uses those skills. Many adhd adults make great programmers because programming is a good environment for hyper focusing on a task all day, there are deadlines to meet, and there are mini milestones that can provide the dopamine burst people with adhd need to keep going (e.g. implementing a new feature, working out a bug). In this kind of job, ADHD can be a superpower. I know ADHD adults who are successful in a variety of different roles (event planner, electrical engineer, carpenter)… the key is that these jobs involve things that are interesting and rewarding to the individuals pursuing them, and support the adhd natural working cycle of big pushes to meet deadlines, followed by break periods with lower activity/motivation.
This was really helpful, PP, thank you. |
Anonymous
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19 yo S with ADHD is in college and has decided he'd like to try weaning off on meds.
Yes, I am trying to keep quiet about the whole thing. I hope he is safe and makes good decisions. |
Anonymous
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DS is a junior at a well regarded SLAC with a 3.5 in a STEM major. He’s been doing paid research for a professor for about a year, including all of last summer. Due to study overseas in the spring. Planning to apply to PhD programs.
DD is a freshman at WM. So far, so good. She did well with a year of DL during COVID, has had an easy adjustment, and doesn’t feel overwhelmed by the work, so I’m optimistic. Now, we aggressively treated the ADHD beginning in middle school. Good child psychiatrist, good medication regime, both worked with therapist on anxiety. Both took Strategies for Success in MS (an EF class), both had 504s, both worked extensively with executive functioning coaches to learn good EF skills. One has done a lot of work with meditation. The other has a hobby that uses her hands. Both play instruments (again, uses their hands). We invested a LOT of time and money and frustration into treatment, education and strategies. I feel very fortunate that we had the means to do so because both kid, and especially the older one, had severe issues. But— it paid off. Their ADHD isn’t cured, but they can both manage it effectively. Diet, exercise, plenty of sleep, keeping to a routine, scheduling classes and study time to take advantage of productive times of the day. Using a planner. Setting iPhone alarms. Joining their schools orchestras and ECs that have them exercise and/or use their hands. Etc. |
Anonymous
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I'm an adult professor at a research university who runs a research lab and I have ADHD.
I have the ability to hyperfocus on stuff that is interesting to me (sometimes that's a scientific problem, writing a paper or a grant, reading every paper ever written on a topic etc.). I also have the ability to do some tasks that require juggling and switching attention quickly as a dopamine hit (for example putting out fires over email or with students). What is hard is switching between those modes at will. I have to sometimes go through a big procrastination cycle of internet rabbit holes or whatever before I get into a deep hyperfocused state which I feel guilty about. But when I can channel it, it is can be great. ADHD is more about a difficulty with regulating attention than an inability to focus. My downside is that I can be inattentive to stuff like typos and careless errors and often I need to procrastinate as part of my process of biting off big projects. I have to really double triple check myself for careless errors in my work. As far as school goes, I was never the best student or best standardized test taker due to always compensating for my undiagnosed ADHD until college. I was a B+ student who managed to get a lot of opportunities because people could see I was smart and creative when evaluating me holistically. For example, I went into a highly regarded SLAC for undergrad partially due to essays and a certain "spark" that came through despite having not the most perfect academic record and it was a school my college counselor thought was a huge reach. I got into a top tier grad school because of my record and passion for research and that led to a top tier postdoc. My PhD and onwards was more focused on what I was doing rather than taking tests and that is more suited to my strengths. School was something to get through. I'm not sure I would do as well in a career that required constant tests and credentialing like medicine or law. I find the meds make me less creative, so I don't take them now. Overall I think my job is high energy, requires wearing a lot of different hats and non-linear thinking that can stave off boredom, can reward hyperfocus, and has a high level of autonomy (for example, I pick research projects I want to work on and I am the one that structures how I spend my day). I also think I'm a better teacher than some faculty because school didn't always come easily to me. As an adult, as long as I am out of a super structured "fit in this box" kind of work environment, I seem to thrive. Anecdotally, it seems like a lot of other scientists have ADHD. |
Anonymous
Oh also, for me I MUST get a lot of exercise, otherwise I completely fall apart. I am a runner and this is essential for me. |