Moving out after deciding on separation

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I have decided to separate. How does one move out so quick though? Finding a rental is hard as is packing up and moving. Once you agree to separate (we're in Virginia so we have to for one year, yes we have children) how do people find a place to live and move out? It seems it would take weeks.

Anyone who has been through this please share. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

It’s a long process that is why when women are abused they need a shelter.

Many move in with family and take turns staying in the house with the kids.

[Anonymous]

You can live in the same place and still be considered separated if you follow these rules
https://www.livesaymyers.com/in-home-separation-virginia/

[Anonymous]

You can be separated in the same house in VA. You can start your separation date and figure out housing and take your time.

[Anonymous]

It took my XH about two months to find a place and move. He’d moved into the basement in the meantime. We were amicable and wanted to make sure he had a good living situation. It was a rough two months though.

[Anonymous]

I moved out about 45 minutes away. It took two weeks to find an apartment and then a week to apply, get accepted, etc. I packed a bunch of off-season stuff during that time. A friend with a car took the day off work to help move everything. We slept on the floor for a month before getting beds for everyone. It took some time to get all set up in our new place.

[Anonymous]

Huh?

Did you marry your college boyfriend and never have to find a place to rent and move to on your own?

You go on Zillow and hotpads etc and look for a rental. You go see rentals. If you like one, you file an application. If they pick your you sign a lease. Then you hire movers and move your furniture to the new place.

This is a pretty basic adulting people most people figure out in their twenties.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the informative responses. We are fairly amicable which makes this slightly easier. However, we do want to move forward with the separation. Finding a rental near our kid's school is $3000-$4000/mo. This will be an expensive ordeal. Read in a few places people will move into a hotel for a week or two as things are figured out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the informative responses. We are fairly amicable which makes this slightly easier. However, we do want to move forward with the separation. Finding a rental near our kid's school is $3000-$4000/mo. This will be an expensive ordeal. Read in a few places people will move into a hotel for a week or two as things are figured out.

You can start your separation while still in the home. Why would you need to move to a hotel first? Have you never gotten an apartment on your own before? If you can't afford to move close to the children's school then you may need to either transfer them to another school or apply for special permissions so they can attend the same school while you live out of the school zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the informative responses. We are fairly amicable which makes this slightly easier. However, we do want to move forward with the separation. Finding a rental near our kid's school is $3000-$4000/mo. This will be an expensive ordeal. Read in a few places people will move into a hotel for a week or two as things are figured out.

You can start your separation while still in the home. Why would you need to move to a hotel first? Have you never gotten an apartment on your own before? If you can't afford to move close to the children's school then you may need to either transfer them to another school or apply for special permissions so they can attend the same school while you live out of the school zone.

No. As long as one parent is in the zone, there is nothing needed (no permission) assuming 50/50.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I was separated for 2 years in the same house. Divorce took that long. COVID hit as divorce as final. I stayed in the house until I found a house to buy. That was another 18 months. So, yes, I was in the house even after the divorce.

You do not have to move to be separated. You can figure out permanent housing and then move. Or sell the house and both move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I was separated for 2 years in the same house. Divorce took that long. COVID hit as divorce as final. I stayed in the house until I found a house to buy. That was another 18 months. So, yes, I was in the house even after the divorce.

You do not have to move to be separated. You can figure out permanent housing and then move. Or sell the house and both move.

OP here. Did you have kids? I know VA has strict laws regarding being separated under the same roof. Did you follow all of them for two years? That's a long time. How did you handle bills, etc? Separate accounts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the informative responses. We are fairly amicable which makes this slightly easier. However, we do want to move forward with the separation. Finding a rental near our kid's school is $3000-$4000/mo. This will be an expensive ordeal. Read in a few places people will move into a hotel for a week or two as things are figured out.

You can start your separation while still in the home. Why would you need to move to a hotel first? Have you never gotten an apartment on your own before? If you can't afford to move close to the children's school then you may need to either transfer them to another school or apply for special permissions so they can attend the same school while you live out of the school zone.

We want to keep the kids in the same school so for both of us to have custody we need to be within the school district (or at least driving range). Not going to uproot our kids and a judge isn't going to find that kindly either.

[Anonymous]

My ex moved in with a friend for two weeks until he could find an apartment. You could always just do separate bedrooms until one of you finds an apartment. Of neither can afford the home, then you’ll both need to move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I was separated for 2 years in the same house. Divorce took that long. COVID hit as divorce as final. I stayed in the house until I found a house to buy. That was another 18 months. So, yes, I was in the house even after the divorce.

You do not have to move to be separated. You can figure out permanent housing and then move. Or sell the house and both move.

OP here. Did you have kids? I know VA has strict laws regarding being separated under the same roof. Did you follow all of them for two years? That's a long time. How did you handle bills, etc? Separate accounts?

Yes. I have kids. Yes, we followed all of the rules. Yes, we had separate accounts. No, it was not hard. We had been living like that a long time. Our huge was huge and that helped. We were rarely home at the same time. It was not hard. Also, as long as you agree you are separated and have someone sign an affadavit that you are living separate in the same house, no one questions anything. It is all paperwork.

One thing I learned in my divorce is that you can agree to anything you want and no one will question you if that PSA is signed. No one cares about your divorce. People seem to think a judge will care about x, y, z. If there is signed paperwork submitted, there are no questions asked. I wish I had known that to begin with rather than giving myself anxiety about it.