Bad parent support groups

[Anonymous]

I recently had a falling out with my mom and am mourning her since our relationship is over. She has been harboring tons of anger and resentment over decades that she used to lash out against me, and used things I said to twist my words around. She basically told me I am a horrible person and she wants nothing to do with me because of perceived slights of her own and of my narcissistic sister’s. I’ve read many posts on this site about similar situations and I realize it would be very helpful to be part of a support group with people who have lost a parent in a non traditional way. I’m in therapy but sometimes it would be nice to talk to people who’ve been there.
Anyone know of anything like this?

[Anonymous]

I don't know of an in-person group, but Reddit has several threads on dysfunctional families/parents. You might want to check that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know of an in-person group, but Reddit has several threads on dysfunctional families/parents. You might want to check that out.

NP. But be careful. Many of those posters are clearly as toxic as the rest of their dysfunctional family.

[Anonymous]

As someone mentioned it seems to stay online-reddit and "out of the FOG" both have support. FOG is fear,m obligation and guilt. I was like you, the object of my mom's displaced anger and resentment. What finally gave me freedom was when enough major life stressors faced the family I created and she was still tantrumming "me, me,me" expecting me to cater to her. It became clear she lacked empathy and was dangerously self-absorbed. The guilt left,because any rational person would prioritize a crisis with your own kids/husband. I knew listening to her tirades any longer would keep me from being there fully for the people who truly loved me and needed me. I am not in mourning. I used to read those boards.

I guess my point is, over time reading posts and processing things you can find peace. I finally care enough about myself to have decided I did not deserve her wrath and I put the blame squarely back where it belongs. I am not perfect, but neither is she. I accepted her imperfections long ago, but she did not give me the grace to be a person who is tired and not superwoman. I spent a lot of time angry that I never had a mother who could accept me for who I was and now I just accept she is limited. I accept she was abusive. I accept I am not responsible for her happiness and she has to get the help and do the work.

I wish you peace as you come to terms with this.

[Anonymous]

There are support groups out there along the lines of AA groups. Be very careful. I know of one person who attends these and pretty toxic herself.

[Anonymous]

I have found comfort reading and occasionally posting on private pages on Facebook that are for adult daughters of narcissistic mothers - they have the groups for narcissist fathers too, I participate in both because my mother was a covert narc while my father was a more classic overt narc. I was the scapegoat and my elder brother golden child who grew up to be a narc himself.

There are numerous good books about this type of parent, ‘Adult Children of emotionally immature parents’, and ‘Will I ever be good enough’ is for daughters of narc mothers.

Richard Grannon’s podcasts and YouTube page are good resources for victims of narcs whether parents who are narcs or partners who are narcs - kids of narcs often spend their adult lives trying to heal their broken self through more relationships with narcs.

I’m sorry for your lack of a truly loving supportive ‘normal’ mom. It really hurts when you get to the point that you fully grasp that you never had it and you never will because narc do not reform, they are deeply broken people who break their kids as much as they can.

[Anonymous]

All these comments helped tremendously!
Especially that last one.

[Anonymous]

This book is amazing, also on Amazon https://shop.adultchildren.org/products/loving-parent-guidebook You can search for ACA meetings focused on it, it's a filter on the website. Working on the workbook with a group can be very healing, life changing for me.

[Anonymous]

No, I’m not aware of one.

I would also caution you against sharing any information with friends who can’t empathize due to differences in background. It can backfire.

I’ve found more common ground with people online than anywhere else. Therapy taught me the skills to cope and not dwell, but I don’t have anyone besides my spouse who empathizes with me irl and I am careful to put time limits on how much support I ask him for. I don’t want to overburden him.

[Anonymous]

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is required reading imo. I wish it was more widely read. If addiction is in the picture, there is one that is directed to the therapist community that is a helpful reference. I believe it is called Adult Children of Alcoholics (but it really applies to any addiction). A lot of narcissists are children of addiction. That book can be a lot if that is your parent but it helped me accept and understand as much as I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know of an in-person group, but Reddit has several threads on dysfunctional families/parents. You might want to check that out.

NP. But be careful. Many of those posters are clearly as toxic as the rest of their dysfunctional family.

+1

A lot of those groups become echo chambers of people supporting each other's bad behavior