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[quote=Anonymous]As someone mentioned it seems to stay online-reddit and "out of the FOG" both have support. FOG is fear,m obligation and guilt. I was like you, the object of my mom's displaced anger and resentment. What finally gave me freedom was when enough major life stressors faced the family I created and she was still tantrumming "me, me,me" expecting me to cater to her. It became clear she lacked empathy and was dangerously self-absorbed. The guilt left,because any rational person would prioritize a crisis with your own kids/husband. I knew listening to her tirades any longer would keep me from being there fully for the people who truly loved me and needed me. I am not in mourning. I used to read those boards.

I guess my point is, over time reading posts and processing things you can find peace. I finally care enough about myself to have decided I did not deserve her wrath and I put the blame squarely back where it belongs. I am not perfect, but neither is she. I accepted her imperfections long ago, but she did not give me the grace to be a person who is tired and not superwoman. I spent a lot of time angry that I never had a mother who could accept me for who I was and now I just accept she is limited. I accept she was abusive. I accept I am not responsible for her happiness and she has to get the help and do the work.

I wish you peace as you come to terms with this.[/quote]

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