Would you be offended if your longterm nanny said this?

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09/03/2022 13:52

Subject: Would you be offended if your longterm nanny said this?

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Anonymous

We’ve had the same nanny since all three of my kids were infants, so she’s been with our family for a little over ten years. We love her dearly and she has made our lives doable. DH&I are in the medical field and both had incredibly demanding jobs when our kids were younger. We have no family nearby, and we needed a nanny who could become a third parent in order to both stay in our careers. We lucked out and found an amazing young, educated nanny to help us raise our boys.

When our youngest went to school full time 2021 and I transitioned to new, easier going job, she dropped down to part time. Shortly after she became pregnant with her first child. She worked throughout her pregnancy and I was home more often so we became very close. We always appreciated her, but didn’t spend tons of time together until really 2020 onward. She had her baby and we have her six months paid maternity and she returned at the beginning of summer break. We offered her to bring her infant daughter, and she has a few times but otherwise her partner (flexible hours) was watching her while nanny was with us. Nanny also said she appreciated the break, and that she felt like it was good for her partner to get solo time for baby and for her to be able to work without baby present all the time. I totally understood. I knew her anniversary with her partner was approaching in September and I know like us, she and her partner don’t have family nearby. I offered to watch her daughter (9mo) for a getwaway weekend or just an evening so they could have a date night. She declined and I initially thought she did so because she was trying to be polite or didn’t want to put us out. I told her it really wouldn’t be an issue, and that I was actually excited since my baby days are over. She seemed uncomfortable and said that she and her partner both agreed they didn’t want anyone watching their daughter till she was older. I don’t know why, but I felt deeply hurt. I understand how hard it is to leave your child. But I trusted her with all three of my boys when they were practically newborns. But she doesn’t trust me for a few hours? And I need to explain since she’s worked with us for so long, it’s not a typical nanny/family dynamic anymore. She feels like my younger sister or someone much closer. I don’t know, I felt rejected and like the entire time she’s worked for our family she’s judged our parenting. I know it’s probably more complicated and I shouldn’t take it personally. But to give someone so much trust for so long, and learn they don’t return that same trust has been really hard. I do think there are some deeper issues for me, feelings I have since I wasn’t as active when my boys were her daughters age due to work. I don’t want to put that all on her, but I do think it’s putting a strain on the working relationship at this point.