Do you disclose high ticket purchases to spouse?

[Anonymous]

I’m a sahm and Dh earns a high income. We don’t ask one another but I will give Dh a heads up if I’m buying something expensive. Dh bought a Rolex and didn’t mention it. He already has a Rolex. I am totally fine with him getting one but feel like he should have mentioned it.

Do you tell your spouse about high ticket items?
Does it matter if one spouse is the only one earning an income?

[Anonymous]

We’re not in Rolex leagues but we will consult with each other before buying an expensive item.

[Anonymous]

We discuss any purchases we're going to make that are over $200. We both work, though there was a time when DH wasn't working but we did things the same way then too. It's partially a courtesy and partially financial planning.

What if he's planning to buy a Rolex the same month you're planning to buy a new SUV and you two don't discuss that ahead of time?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if "disclose" is the right term ... If there's an item that is expensive but doesnt impact our budget, we'll mention it, usually just cause we're excited about the purchase and want to share. Also, we both get text alerts when our credit card is charged for anything (we set it up after a few instances of fraud that weren't immediately caught by the cc company), so it's partly just a heads up that the charge is legit in case Visa calls for confirmation.

Really big purchases, like a new car, we discuss ahead of time.

-- roughly equal incomes, but DH does most of the finance tracking. We both have full access to all accounts, so there's really no hiding anything anyway.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter if one parent works or two. Aways discuss large purchases!! You function as one house. I would be upset. FWIW we are a high HHI and both earn. Anything expensive is discussed.

That said we have allowances for personal items. I enjoy skiing and recently bought custom skis. I didn't tell DH, but I bought them from my personal account. If I bought a Rolex it would come from this account too. We decide up front how much to put in our personal accounts each year and then we spend it how we want.

[Anonymous]

I would probably mention a Timex to DH just in discussing my day. A large purchase would get mentioned though we never spend real money on that many things.

We are a 2 fed family so we are fine but not wealthy (and have 2 in college right now)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a sahm and Dh earns a high income. We don’t ask one another but I will give Dh a heads up if I’m buying something expensive. Dh bought a Rolex and didn’t mention it. He already has a Rolex. I am totally fine with him getting one but feel like he should have mentioned it.

Do you tell your spouse about high ticket items?
Does it matter if one spouse is the only one earning an income?

Was it the first time he'd done it?

He might have done it to avoid your nagging him about not getting another Rolex. What's done is done, you can't nagging him about returning it, or did you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure if "disclose" is the right term ... If there's an item that is expensive but doesnt impact our budget, we'll mention it, usually just cause we're excited about the purchase and want to share. Also, we both get text alerts when our credit card is charged for anything (we set it up after a few instances of fraud that weren't immediately caught by the cc company), so it's partly just a heads up that the charge is legit in case Visa calls for confirmation.

Really big purchases, like a new car, we discuss ahead of time.

-- roughly equal incomes, but DH does most of the finance tracking. We both have full access to all accounts, so there's really no hiding anything anyway.

This is us too, except I’m a SAHM. Neither of us are big spenders, so something like a Rolex we would definitely discuss ahead of time. And I would generally tell him if I’m going shopping just in the manner of discussing general day to day stuff. ‘Tuesday I’m going to Nordstrom to look for a dress for Jen’s wedding, and then I have to take the car for the inspection etc’ and that night I’m sure he would ask if I found anything and if there were any issues with the car etc. We get alerts for purchases, so it’s not like I could (or would) hide something.

I think it also depends HOW high earning. If he makes a ton of money and feels like he wants a new watch, then who cares. If it’s pushes back your timeline for buying a new car or vacation or whatever, then he probably should have brought it up. I’m a SAHM so I’m not bringing in any money, but my husband trusts that when I buy a new bag or outfit or whatever, that it’s something I need and he would never question it. But I hate shopping and hardly ever buy things for myself, so maybe it would be a different story if I was spending 100s on myself every day.

[Anonymous]

We discuss large purchases before making the purchase or not making the purchase. It all comes out of the same checkbook so it’s not a his or hers money.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course.

The thing about being a SAHM is that even though it's our money, psychologically the earning spouse may feel more free to spend. My husband used to bristle at the idea of asking for "permission" and I needed to make the case that if we both acted like he did we'd be spending a sh*t-ton of a money and it would be out of control. My husband can be pretty spendy so it's funny that he didn't follow this through to its logical conclusion but he didn't mean any malice.

Our current strategy is a non-essentials budget for each of us and a need to discuss big purchases not made out of those accounts.

[Anonymous]

I talk about large purchases with DH. He does not with me. I do it because I need validation that it’s okay. I already know the answer before I bring it up.

Since no one in the house is lacking for anything and the college/investment/retirement accounts have plenty, it doesn’t phase me that DH doesn’t discuss large purchases with me.

[Anonymous]

Consult for any purchase over $500.

[Anonymous]

OP, he is making the money and spent on something that he likes. What's the big deal? He is not spending your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he is making the money and spent on something that he likes. What's the big deal? He is not spending your money.

Married spouses have joint ownership of most types of income accrued while married.
There are exceptions for inheritances, but you have to be careful to avoid conmingling that money or avoid using it for family needs, otherwise it can be argued in court that it has become a joint asset.

So, you're wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he is making the money and spent on something that he likes. What's the big deal? He is not spending your money.

Bingo.