Dating a single dad

[Anonymous]

I started dating a single father of a tween girl. He has 100% custody of his daughter and no local help. I am a parent as well of a younger child and co-parent. I am looking to remarry. He says he would prefer to remarry but has made peace that it may not be in the cards. He does introduce partners to his daughter. Says he only wants to introduce when it’s someone he’s going to marry. This is my first time dating someone with full-custody. I understand his reasons for not introducing girls friends to his daughter, however I also think this makes it challenging to actually know when he is taking things serious. I mean he could technically have a whole double life for all I know. Would you just move on? Or give this a chance?

[Anonymous]

Are you working? Why did you divorce?

[Anonymous]

I would not agree to marry someone without meeting their child- particularly if that child is going to be living with you full time. He doesn’t care about remarrying as much as you do and may not be motivated to bend his rules for any reason. I’d probably move on if I were you.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty difficult to have a double life if you have custody of your child 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty difficult to have a double life if you have custody of your child 100%.

I think OP means he might be pretending to have 100% custody to have an excuse to be home at nights and unable to meet except when his daughter is otherwise 'busy'. It's a good, fake excuse for a double life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty difficult to have a double life if you have custody of your child 100%.

Maybe he’s married. Since I can’t meet the kid or come over, who knows?

[Anonymous]

Sheesh. It sounds like he is a good quality guy who has a dead beat ex-wife.

My long term boyfriend was a single Dad after his ex-wife dropped off sonster and sonster's dog at age 6 and told my boyfriend that she could no longer handle sonster. She moved out of state with her new husband.

It was probably about 9 months before I met sonster.

Single Dad's have a lot on their plate. His priority needs to be raising his daughter. It sounds like you are really trying to rush things. There is no down side for a parent waiting awhile before introducing their kid to someone they are dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty difficult to have a double life if you have custody of your child 100%.

Maybe he’s married. Since I can’t meet the kid or come over, who knows?

Tell him you want to have lunch at his place during the week. You’ll be able to tell if a woman lives there.

[Anonymous]

I think OP means he might be pretending to have 100% custody to have an excuse to be home at nights and unable to meet except when his daughter is otherwise 'busy'. It's a good, fake excuse for a double life.

OP - If you do not know if he has a double life, you should not even be considering anything serious.

This is a dense post, even for DCUM (and that is saying quite a bit.)

Spend some time getting to know him, his friends, his social circle, etc. Once you have done that, then you can evaluate what kind of life he has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not agree to marry someone without meeting their child- particularly if that child is going to be living with you full time. He doesn’t care about remarrying as much as you do and may not be motivated to bend his rules for any reason. I’d probably move on if I were you.

Your first sentence is not what op said. It's fairly common among divorced parents to only introduce the child after 6 months to a year and once there is an intention to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not agree to marry someone without meeting their child- particularly if that child is going to be living with you full time. He doesn’t care about remarrying as much as you do and may not be motivated to bend his rules for any reason. I’d probably move on if I were you.

Your first sentence is not what op said. It's fairly common among divorced parents to only introduce the child after 6 months to a year and once there is an intention to marry.

Waiting 6 months or a bit more to meet? Totally get it. Wanting to make sure the relationship has legs before getting kids involved? Understandable. But I could not have any intentions to marry someone before meeting their child.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird you've concluded you won't meet the kid until you say I do.

I also think it's weird him setting a boundary has you leaping to he's leading a double life.

It's normal and wise for a parent to not introduce a kid to a boyfriend or girlfriend until they have decided that the relationship is such that they could see it leading to marriage.

It's especially wise in this case because it's likely his daughter has been enough trauma she doesn't need the drama of meeting every woman her dad dates.

He can't have girlfriends coming over for sleepovers. This should read as good things for you.

It's concerning that as a parent yourself you don't get that.

It's concerning that you can't think of any other way to vet this man and his intentions other than meeting his kid right away.

You just started dating. You need to slow all the way down.

If also urge you not to make getting married again your goal this leafs to a lot of mistakes and bad second marriages. Instead your goal should be being open to marriage if the guy and situation are right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started dating a single father of a tween girl. He has 100% custody of his daughter and no local help. I am a parent as well of a younger child and co-parent. I am looking to remarry. He says he would prefer to remarry but has made peace that it may not be in the cards. He does introduce partners to his daughter. Says he only wants to introduce when it’s someone he’s going to marry. This is my first time dating someone with full-custody. I understand his reasons for not introducing girls friends to his daughter, however I also think this makes it challenging to actually know when he is taking things serious. I mean he could technically have a whole double life for all I know. Would you just move on? Or give this a chance?

What does the above bolder mean then?
He’s almost been married a few times and done the intro?? or he got majorly burned by doing that once or twice and now has a new flippant rule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started dating a single father of a tween girl. He has 100% custody of his daughter and no local help. I am a parent as well of a younger child and co-parent. I am looking to remarry. He says he would prefer to remarry but has made peace that it may not be in the cards. He does introduce partners to his daughter. Says he only wants to introduce when it’s someone he’s going to marry. This is my first time dating someone with full-custody. I understand his reasons for not introducing girls friends to his daughter, however I also think this makes it challenging to actually know when he is taking things serious. I mean he could technically have a whole double life for all I know. Would you just move on? Or give this a chance?

What does the above bolder mean then?
He’s almost been married a few times and done the intro?? or he got majorly burned by doing that once or twice and now has a new flippant rule?

I assumed it was a typo and she meant doesn't which fits with the rest of the post.

[Anonymous]

I am dating a man who used to have fifty fifty custody and now has full custody due to the mom being a screw up (she moved away and is not financially or physically caring for the kids).

I would not start out dating someone who has full custody. If he had had full custody when we met, I would t have gone out with him. Men with full custody just don’t have enough time to be a good boyfriend. If he and I ever break up I will not date anyone else with full custody.

Move on