Do you think marriages with highly attractive people are worse when older?

[Anonymous]

I am noticing beautiful people who were more attractive and probably highly attracted to one another at beginning of marriage are worse off than less attractive regular people. If a man or woman is still very attractive but not as attracted to spouse, are they more likely to cheat since they have so many more options? Women may feel bad even though they are relatively still attractive but not as beautiful as in their youth.

Average and ugly couples seem to have better marriages with less infidelity. Or maybe you just hear about the affairs and divorces of the ones who are more attractive.

[Anonymous]

I think attractive people who are in circles/professions that value attractiveness above all else (like entertainment, influencers, etc.) have a harder time with this kind of thing but reasonably attractive people who have regular jobs fare the same as others.

[Anonymous]

PP here. or i should say regular jobs and social circles, since the social circle also has an influence.

[Anonymous]

I’m clueless about if it’s true but if vanity is a component it could be true. I’d say my DH and I are quite attractive in a very next door way but we are far from being vane. I like to look attractive in a simple way for my own self worth. And, here is a touch of vanity, I love when my DH takes notice of how I look. We have been married a long time and are very happy if that means anything.

[Anonymous]

I can’t remember where I read it but it was something along the lines of beautiful people die two deaths; I took it to mean the first death is when you are no longer beautiful and the second when your heart stops beating.

I cringe when I hear it but I’ve witnessed a number of times when someone sees an old picture of a now old woman and says oh my God you were so gorgeous. Change in our face is so gradual in the mirror that I don’t think most people notice it until someone says something stupid; i’ve seen it during interviews with actresses where the interviewer shows a clip of this woman in her 20s and makes a comment on her beauty in past tense- that has to feel awful.

Infidelity has so many different accelerants and I think current looks of one’s spouse is pretty far down on the list.
There is no sure fire way to affair-proof a marriage but keeping one’s self in reasonably good condition and health along with doing your best to meet your partners emotional needs is as good as we can get.

[Anonymous]

I think things come easier to highly attractive people throughout their life.

Average looking people have to work harder to get to the same place. I suspect average looking people have more life skills, more grit, more tenacity etc to get to the same place as a highly attractive person. I suspect average looking people have better skills at staying in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Intersting question.

I have noticed that some people on this board seem to get very frustrated and resentful when their spouse stops being attractive. It's like the relationship began with attractiveness being a huge component of what brought them closer, and one of them loses that, the relationship suffers.

I was pretty attractive when I met DH (maybe an 8, maybe a 9 if you value a fit body), but I made clear to him that he shouldn't count on me being that way ten, twenty, thirty years down the road. I wouldn't have married each other if we didn't find each other attractive, but the idea is that as you age, you deepen the relationship so when your looks go to hell (and they do for everybody unless you die young), you still have a bond. It seems to me like people don't manage expectations well going into a marriage, and attractiveness is no different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am noticing beautiful people who were more attractive and probably highly attracted to one another at beginning of marriage are worse off than less attractive regular people. If a man or woman is still very attractive but not as attracted to spouse, are they more likely to cheat since they have so many more options? Women may feel bad even though they are relatively still attractive but not as beautiful as in their youth.

Average and ugly couples seem to have better marriages with less infidelity. Or maybe you just hear about the affairs and divorces of the ones who are more attractive.

So people are only as loyal as their options?

[Anonymous]

Long term relationship needs way more than looks. If marriage wasn't based on respect, friendship, compatibility and shared values, its just temporary attraction.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is asking is it harder to not cheat when YOU yourself are still attractive, not whether your spouse is still attractive enough to hold your attention.

And yes I do think it's harder to stay faithful when you continue to be propositioned throughout your life, especially for men, who have naturally higher libidos, but also for some women who enjoy the dopamine hit of knowing they've still got it. Everyone's spouse gets stale over time, no matter how attractive they are, but unattractive people seem to settle into a low-sex complacency, knowing their spouse is the only one obligated to have sex with them, whereas attractive people might give in to the temptation still being offered to them.

[Anonymous]

You can keep up looks in relation to age, thats why men typically marry younger because most women go down hill by 40 where men stay attractive older. Men have an unfair advantage because attractiveness for men is not just looks but is money and power.

[Anonymous]

Are all these "attractive" posts started by the same user?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intersting question.

I have noticed that some people on this board seem to get very frustrated and resentful when their spouse stops being attractive. It's like the relationship began with attractiveness being a huge component of what brought them closer, and one of them loses that, the relationship suffers.

I was pretty attractive when I met DH (maybe an 8, maybe a 9 if you value a fit body), but I made clear to him that he shouldn't count on me being that way ten, twenty, thirty years down the road. I wouldn't have married each other if we didn't find each other attractive, but the idea is that as you age, you deepen the relationship so when your looks go to hell (and they do for everybody unless you die young), you still have a bond. It seems to me like people don't manage expectations well going into a marriage, and attractiveness is no different.

Looks don’t have to go to hell! My mom just turned 70 and she looks great. My parents recently went to my dad’s 50th college reunion and she looks 15 years younger than his classmates which made him very happy. They assumed that she was his second wife given my brother is 40. Good genes help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t remember where I read it but it was something along the lines of beautiful people die two deaths; I took it to mean the first death is when you are no longer beautiful and the second when your heart stops beating.

I cringe when I hear it but I’ve witnessed a number of times when someone sees an old picture of a now old woman and says oh my God you were so gorgeous. Change in our face is so gradual in the mirror that I don’t think most people notice it until someone says something stupid; i’ve seen it during interviews with actresses where the interviewer shows a clip of this woman in her 20s and makes a comment on her beauty in past tense- that has to feel awful.

Infidelity has so many different accelerants and I think current looks of one’s spouse is pretty far down on the list.
There is no sure fire way to affair-proof a marriage but keeping one’s self in reasonably good condition and health along with doing your best to meet your partners emotional needs is as good as we can get.

Former model here. I look at my own pictures from 20 years ago and make that comment! Give us a little credit. We don't ONLY have our looks as the basis of self confidence.

Living an interesting life, and being positive and kind, trump attractiveness *every* time. That's why people "affair down" in terms of looks; they go to someone who is welcoming, joyful, open, fun...

You can't affair-proof a marriage but you can affair-proof your life and sense of worth, and having genuine confidence is what will also reduce the risk of your partner looking elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

People cheat and attractiveness has nothing to do with it. People do it for variety or because they aren’t getting it at home