Giving relationship advice

[Anonymous]

Do you give relationship advice to your adult children?

[Anonymous]

I wish my parents had given me relationship advice in a constructive way when I was in my early twenties and dating someone who was obviously wrong for me. I ended up in a starter marriage that cost me some of the best years of my and so much pain and emotional and financial damage. When I finally left, they said things alluding to the fact that they knew he lacked integrity from the beginning, etc, but at the time, neither of them offered me any advice at all. Just their 'unconditional love and support'. I am going to spend a lot of time talking to my kids about friendships, relationships and marriage and at the very least, help them understand what kind of qualities they should look for in a partner.

[Anonymous]

It totally depends on how you intend to go about it and your existing relationship with the child.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the hardest aspects of parenting adult children. Knowing when to butt in.

If you do it wrong, you can lose all access and influence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my parents had given me relationship advice in a constructive way when I was in my early twenties and dating someone who was obviously wrong for me. I ended up in a starter marriage that cost me some of the best years of my and so much pain and emotional and financial damage. When I finally left, they said things alluding to the fact that they knew he lacked integrity from the beginning, etc, but at the time, neither of them offered me any advice at all. Just their 'unconditional love and support'. I am going to spend a lot of time talking to my kids about friendships, relationships and marriage and at the very least, help them understand what kind of qualities they should look for in a partner.

We are talking about adult children, not training younger ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my parents had given me relationship advice in a constructive way when I was in my early twenties and dating someone who was obviously wrong for me. I ended up in a starter marriage that cost me some of the best years of my and so much pain and emotional and financial damage. When I finally left, they said things alluding to the fact that they knew he lacked integrity from the beginning, etc, but at the time, neither of them offered me any advice at all. Just their 'unconditional love and support'. I am going to spend a lot of time talking to my kids about friendships, relationships and marriage and at the very least, help them understand what kind of qualities they should look for in a partner.

I think this is a fair point, but also to be fair to your parents they probably knew you'd ignore them if they "warned" you against this guy and that may have caused a rift between them and you, which clearly they weren't willing to risk.

I think its better to make your own mistakes, even huge ones like this (I had a similar decade wasted) than to have interfering parents, which honestly no one wants and most people resent.

[Anonymous]

If they ask me something I answer honestly. But barring a safety issue, I do not offer unsolicited advice on their relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my parents had given me relationship advice in a constructive way when I was in my early twenties and dating someone who was obviously wrong for me. I ended up in a starter marriage that cost me some of the best years of my and so much pain and emotional and financial damage. When I finally left, they said things alluding to the fact that they knew he lacked integrity from the beginning, etc, but at the time, neither of them offered me any advice at all. Just their 'unconditional love and support'. I am going to spend a lot of time talking to my kids about friendships, relationships and marriage and at the very least, help them understand what kind of qualities they should look for in a partner.

You are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. Some kids will always find a way to blame parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they ask me something I answer honestly. But barring a safety issue, I do not offer unsolicited advice on their relationships.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you give relationship advice to your adult children?

Only advice I have given is asking him to make sure each bring something to the relationship. Lopsided relationship is never a good thing because, it maybe hard to believe for young people in love but, people do change. Resentments do grow out of nowhere.

[Anonymous]

No, I do not. Their relationships are their business.

[Anonymous]

No one should ever give advice unless asked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one should ever give advice unless asked

Why?

[Anonymous]

If they ask, sure. If they don't ask, only if I think they're heading into real danger (like an abusive relationship).

[Anonymous]

Pffffffff....lol. Not like he'd take it.

I mean, I chime in here and there when I see something wonderful that works.