Extremely anxious driver

[Anonymous]

I know I will probably be told to suck it up and for my kid to suck it up..but I'll ask anyway.

DD is extremely nervous about driving. We've driven in our neighborhood with her for 6 hrs and finally ventured out last weekend to a larger street with some, but not a lot of traffic. We've been doing some driving (5-15m for exposure) all this week) and DD nearly bursts into tears and has an anxiety attack every time we pull out of the neighborhood. We are backing off for now.

Yes, I know practice, practice, practice - I also taught her older brother who was fine - nervous, but gained confidence quickly.

She says she would be interested in being taught by a professional driver. Yes, I know they have to do the 6 hours with someone from their driving school, but I am interested in seeing if there is someone specific anyone knows of who specializes in extremely anxious drivers that we could hire for additional hours. I don't think we would need to hire for all 60 hours.

I liken it to - I know how to swim, but I still hired someone to teach my kids to swim. Sometimes they just need to learn from someone else.

Anyone know of someone in Maryland who I could hire that has experience with drivers like my DD?

(Not getting a license is a temporary solution. But we live in an area of Maryland with no public transportation options and I feel like learning to drive is a necessary life skill since DD has no interest in living in a major city and able to rely on public transportation.)

[Anonymous]

I asked a similar question here last year. Yes, most people say “just practice”. In Virginia, we did, and saw many others, practicing at Wolf Trap (a couple big parking lots, some connecting roads). Then went out to Big suburban mall and drove around the big outside ring road (Dulles then center is perfect for this). Over and over. And continued to see if kid was willing to try one additional thing - a longer distance, a small detour, changing lanes, etc. For us, it was very slow going, I stayed very patient and eventually DD was ok enough to start the IDS sessions. We thought about professional lessons too, but I thought kid would be more anxious.

[Anonymous]

Where are you located, OP? I think you are exactly right about having a professional work with your daughter. I learned to drive as a nervous adult and the only way I got through was by having lessons with a kind but no-nonsense professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you located, OP? I think you are exactly right about having a professional work with your daughter. I learned to drive as a nervous adult and the only way I got through was by having lessons with a kind but no-nonsense professional.

Maryland - willing to drive within Montgomery/PG/Anne Arundel counties.

[Anonymous]

You could look into driver improvement lessons through Montgomery College. It helped our anxious teen driver and took an anxious parent out of the equation for a bit while basic skills were gained (in addition to the regular 6 hours with the regular driver's ed). Good luck, OP. It's hard to teach a teen to drive and especially one prone to anxiety.

https://www.montgomerycollege.edu/workforce-development-continuing-education/transportation-safety/drivers-ed.html

[Anonymous]

So our neighbors did the Ashoka driving school and recommended it to us. From what I can tell from the website they very much specialize in soothing anxious drivers.

https://alohabobsdrivingschool.com/

[Anonymous]

Lol sorry that was supposed to say AHOLA driving school.

[Anonymous]

OMG ALOHA.

I give up on spelling today. I need a nap.

[Anonymous]

I was like that. My son was like that.

Anxiety is a terrible burden, isn't it? Also, it can be a great gift. My son and I are the opposite of the overconfident, risk-taking driver.

You'll just have to take it really slow, OP. This will actually be great for her confidence. It's like exposure therapy for her anxiety. Reassure her. Be kind.

And start on a parking lot. The first dozen hours we never went out of a large medical building parking lot 15 minutes away from our house. We drove DS there on weekends when it was unused. He spent his time staying in his lane, turning left and right, reversing straight and left and right, trying to park. It was a huge lot, with a slope at the end and he could do a complete turn around the building. At first I thought he was going to run down the slope, forget to turn and land in the bushes. Then when he started reversing, it looked as though wherever he started out from, the back of the car was drawn like a magnet to a concrete-block lamp post.
Hours like that. But it did get him more confident in his basic maneuvers before he started doing small residential streets and then highways and then beltway and interstate.

A word about instructors. We mistakenly went with Habesha driving school in downtown Bethesda, since it was closest to our house. I do NOT recommend it! He had his first lesson after a dozen hours of parking lot driving. The instructor showed up late, then made him go on the BELTWAY and beyond to buy groceries and bring them to his mother in a senior home. My son arrived 40 minutes late home, we were getting worried, and he stepped in and said: "I survived". And then he collapsed on the couch and did nothing the rest of the day.

Also want to point out that the driver's skills test is a complete joke. Just a reverse into a parking spot and drive through the neighborhood streets. Parents had better do their own training if they want their kids to be reliable and safe drivers!

Good luck. Tell your DD if I could do it and DS could do it, she can do it too!!!

[Anonymous]

My anxious kid has gone slowly but surely with driving. We just keep practicing and gradually increasing the difficulty level and the independence.

That said, I think therapy for general anxiety has also been helpful, for life more broadly but also for driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So our neighbors did the Ashoka driving school and recommended it to us. From what I can tell from the website they very much specialize in soothing anxious drivers.

https://alohabobsdrivingschool.com/

This looks amazing, but it is NoVa and from what I understand his learners permit doesn't allow him to drive outside of Maryland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So our neighbors did the Ashoka driving school and recommended it to us. From what I can tell from the website they very much specialize in soothing anxious drivers.

https://alohabobsdrivingschool.com/

This looks amazing, but it is NoVa and from what I understand his learners permit doesn't allow him to drive outside of Maryland.

Oh that sucks. Maybe there is an equivalent in Maryland that these people might be able to recommend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I will probably be told to suck it up and for my kid to suck it up..but I'll ask anyway.

DD is extremely nervous about driving. We've driven in our neighborhood with her for 6 hrs and finally ventured out last weekend to a larger street with some, but not a lot of traffic. We've been doing some driving (5-15m for exposure) all this week) and DD nearly bursts into tears and has an anxiety attack every time we pull out of the neighborhood. We are backing off for now.

Yes, I know practice, practice, practice - I also taught her older brother who was fine - nervous, but gained confidence quickly.

She says she would be interested in being taught by a professional driver. Yes, I know they have to do the 6 hours with someone from their driving school, but I am interested in seeing if there is someone specific anyone knows of who specializes in extremely anxious drivers that we could hire for additional hours. I don't think we would need to hire for all 60 hours.

I liken it to - I know how to swim, but I still hired someone to teach my kids to swim. Sometimes they just need to learn from someone else.

Anyone know of someone in Maryland who I could hire that has experience with drivers like my DD?

(Not getting a license is a temporary solution. But we live in an area of Maryland with no public transportation options and I feel like learning to drive is a necessary life skill since DD has no interest in living in a major city and able to rely on public transportation.)

fwiw - once my DD was in a student driver car with a big sign on the roof, her apprehension went way down and she got a lot more confident behind the wheel and comfortable enough to drive our car after a week of driving school.

[Anonymous]

Based on my experience you could call any mom and pop driving school and explain what you need. Most instructors are good with anxious drivers and if you get one your DD doesn't click with you can try someone else.

[Anonymous]

You need to do it yourself.