When a man fails to look at a woman like she's super hot

[Anonymous]

I'm a man dating in middle age. I'm starting to become aware of a really important part of sexuality for many women. A lot of women really crave a certain type of male gaze. I never really understood this sexual need before, and I think my obliviousness to it may have hurt some of my prior relationships. Now I'm noticing that a lot of women really study how I look at them. Some women even comment on it. Some seem really disappointed if I don't look at them the right way or they get really self conscious.

I decided to post about this after a recent conversation with a woman who's in her 60s, more than a decade older than I am. She wears too much makeup but she's nice looking, she has great legs, and she's very high energy and charismatic. I think she's also a little thick around the middle but she wears clothes that conceal this pretty well. At an embarrassingly early point in our first date, she made a big point of telling me that she still really loves having sex. (I'm getting used to women making statements like that, though, since several over the age of 55 have said this to me during first dates and every single woman over the age of 60 has said it to me.) I'm definitely capable of being attracted to women over 60, depending on the woman, but I don't limit myself to women in their 50s and 60s. I've also gone out with women more than 20 years younger. This 60-something woman asked me a bunch of very pointed questions about the ages of the women I've been meeting and she was a little upset by my answers. She said she's often approached by younger men but she hadn't gone any dates with men under the age of 60 in years, other than me, because she couldn't bear the thought of seeing a disappointed look on the face of a younger man when she took off her clothes. She said 70 year old men are always thrilled to see her naked, but she was worried that men in their 50s would not be impressed. As she was saying all of this, she was pantomiming her removing her clothes with her hands and outlining her curves. Watching and listening to her was a really strange experience. I guess I looked attentive enough because she's trying to schedule another date.

[Anonymous]

There is obviously nothing wrong with a 60 year old woman wanting/enjoying sex, but what types are you meeting? I am picturing teased hair bleach blondes with heavy eyeliner and a taste for country music and all things bedazzled. What was your question, exactly? Do women like to see that you find them physically appealing? Yes, both genders need to be reassured.

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty bizarre that you've gotten to this stage in your life without realizing that a huge proportion of women are insecure about their looks and need validation on that front.

Plus, ask any man what they look for in a sexual partner and better than 70% will say "enthusiasm," which is the same thing (wanting to feel really desired by their partner) in different terms.

As to why all these separate women are promising you that they're super-sexual over the first coffee; that's your picker I think. Not nearly as universal an experience.

[Anonymous]

This is a very weird attempt at attention-seeking and humble bragging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a very weird attempt at attention-seeking and humble bragging.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Women are valued for their attractiveness and sex or so that is what society feeds them and they believe. Older women, especially if single and dating, are often very insecure about their looks. They need validation. Perhaps they never cultivated other skills and positive qualities beyond superficial. But yes, women think what men want is gorgeous and into sex...so they try their best to portray this when dating, at any age.

[Anonymous]

To answer the questions and respond to comments:

The women over 60 were a clergy woman, a chef, a retired teacher, and a nurse/medical technician. None looked tacky. Two looked Midwestern, wholesome and all American, one was Asian American, and one was Southern.

I didn't think I was bragging. I thought I was confessing to stupidity. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what you want from us with your rambling word salad but if women over 50 are expecting men to look at them like they're super-hot 22 year olds, then those women are destined for disappointment and need to be more realistic.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure this is the same odd guy who was posting a week or two ago about how large his penis is and got his feelings hurt when he was called out on it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for making sure we know you've dated 20 years younger. That was the whole point of your post so no need to comment on the mess of the rest.

[Anonymous]

This is the same guy that has his posts deleted. Veiled attempt to talk explicitly about sex. Just a weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why everyone Is piling up on OP. My DH still has to understand what OP just figured out…. That the male gaze is a key element in a lot of women’s desire. I am a confident feminist and I believe I look pretty good, but I still need and appreciate that particular way a man can look at me

[Anonymous]

I wish women stopped caring about what men think of them. Just take the sex and go about your day! <—- I’m learning to do this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure this is the same odd guy who was posting a week or two ago about how large his penis is and got his feelings hurt when he was called out on it.

Hello friend. I'm not sure which post you mean from a week or two ago, but, unfortunately, it could not possibly have been written by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the same guy that has his posts deleted. Veiled attempt to talk explicitly about sex. Just a weirdo.

Again, friend, I think you are referring to somebody else. My post was talking explicitly about a conversation at a coffee shop, not about sex, although the conversation in the coffee shop was partly about sex.