I'm always left out of the conversation

[Anonymous]

My parents are both retired Army, and my brother joined the Navy after college. I, of course, decided I wanted nothing to do with the military, so I went to college and majored in engineering, got a design job that has nothing to do with the government, and then...married a Navy officer.

The problem now is that when we're together for holidays or whatever, I'm completely left out of the conversation which always drifts toward the military after the first house together. I end up sitting on the couch like a lump, wishing I could talk to everyone about what's going on my life, though of course they're not interested.

Is there a polite way to remind them I'm actually in the same room?

[Anonymous]

"Ok ok enough shop talk. Who saw that great show about XYZ on netflix last month?"

You can't pout about it. Make a joke, steer them away. I am sure the rest of them do actually have things outside of their careers to discuss.

[Anonymous]

God. Quit whining

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God. Quit whining

+1. Be thankful you have a spouse who has common ground with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God. Quit whining

Found the golden child who hates their siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God. Quit whining

+1. Be thankful you have a spouse who has common ground with your family.

No, I won't.

I'm depressed, lonely, and want to be acknowledged, even if I'm a disappointment. I don't think that's too much to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God. Quit whining

+1. Be thankful you have a spouse who has common ground with your family.

No, I won't.

I'm depressed, lonely, and want to be acknowledged, even if I'm a disappointment. I don't think that's too much to ask.

You're depressed and lonely because at the holidays people who all share something in common want to talk about it together?

I would get up and excuse myself and be thrilled at the chance for some alone time and read my book. Just me though.

[Anonymous]

Keep inserting new topics, and remind them that it's polite to vary their conversation.

But in practice, OP, if a lot of their conversation revolves around commonalities of their workplace, it's hard to fight that. My husband is a doctor, my BIL is a pharmacist, my niece is a doctor married to a doctor, my aunt is a psychiatrist, and extended relatives are also in the medical field: guess what they talk about? And it can get a lot more gory, or intimate, than most Army/Navy talk! Imagine striking up a brisk convo about colonoscopies at the dinner table...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are both retired Army, and my brother joined the Navy after college. I, of course, decided I wanted nothing to do with the military, so I went to college and majored in engineering, got a design job that has nothing to do with the government, and then...married a Navy officer.

The problem now is that when we're together for holidays or whatever, I'm completely left out of the conversation which always drifts toward the military after the first house together. I end up sitting on the couch like a lump, wishing I could talk to everyone about what's going on my life, though of course they're not interested.

Is there a polite way to remind them I'm actually in the same room?

So you don't want to shift to common ground shared by all. You want them all to talk about you and your life.

I guess just start talking about yourself and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God. Quit whining

+1. Be thankful you have a spouse who has common ground with your family.

No, I won't.

I'm depressed, lonely, and want to be acknowledged, even if I'm a disappointment. I don't think that's too much to ask.

You have issues bigger than what you think then. I come from a family of engineers and they all talk shop. I use it as a chance to start into space and rest my brain.

[Anonymous]

Hi op. I get it!

Practically everyone in my family is a doctor. At least you don’t have to hear about peoples intestines over dinner! Also, I’m the youngest so I’ve never been listened much to anyway.

Two concrete pieces of advice:

-change the subject. Steer the convo away from that.

-if you want to talk about yourself, try talking about yourself and see if they will go along.

Don’t sit thre and sulk, proactively change the direction of the convo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God. Quit whining

+1. Be thankful you have a spouse who has common ground with your family.

No, I won't.

I'm depressed, lonely, and want to be acknowledged, even if I'm a disappointment. I don't think that's too much to ask.

You're depressed and lonely because at the holidays people who all share something in common want to talk about it together?

I would get up and excuse myself and be thrilled at the chance for some alone time and read my book. Just me though.

+1.

If you are depressed and lonely over this, seek a therapist. It will help you reframe your experiences, even if other people don’t change.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh, our dynamic is like this too. Our family hosts so many promotion ceremonies for the military side of the family but when sibling was promoted to Partner/CEO type position, they barely got a congratulations. They can't see beyond military this or military that.

[Anonymous]

My family is not military but exactly like this OP. If I try to change the subject, it usually falls flat.

I just accept my family doesn't care, we don't have much in common, and have fun with my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God. Quit whining

+1. Be thankful you have a spouse who has common ground with your family.

No, I won't.

I'm depressed, lonely, and want to be acknowledged, even if I'm a disappointment. I don't think that's too much to ask.

You are NOT a disappointment and their happiness is talking about a common interest does not indicate that they think that of you.

I agree with the others that this isn’t about their conversation but about what is going on with you. I truly hope that you consider therapy and are able to pull out of your depression. It’s so hard to see things as they are when your perspective is skewed by deep sadness. Good luck, OP!!