grandparents continue to ply DS with sugar after I tell them no

[Anonymous]

DH and I are watching DS' diet because diabetes runs in both of our families, and our kid has had two cavities already to boo (he's 10). My parents recently came to visit and when they were spending time with DS, they kept giving him candy. They've already taken him for ice cream and other treats behind my back after I told them to please not do that. For them, I really know it's all about them. They love the whole feel-good experience of being the grandparents who dish out the treats. I honestly don't care. I'm the one who will have to have the awful experience of giving my kid insulin shots, not them. I told them I will begin babysitting their visits with him. They were aghast, of course, because they think they have some sort of grandparent privilege to give our kid everything he wants. I've had it. When I tell them to stop the act like jerks and don't think it's a big deal. I've even sent the candy back with them. For those who have clueless grandparents who think they're entitled to fill your kid with sugar, what have you done short of only letting them see your kid when you're around? My kid's health comes first, not special grandparent feelings.

[Anonymous]

One of my children is a Type 1 diabetic, diagnosed at age 11. He's 27 now. His kids have to have yearly checkups for diabetes. It's selfish of grandparents to get all up in their feelings about your rules for your child.

[Anonymous]

Are your kids active and otherwise healthy? If so, they will probably not develop type 2 diabetes in childhood.

Your kid is old enough to say no to sweets. But, he can also say yes.

My DH was really hardcore about sweets. It became forbidden. Then we discovered that DS was stealing candy from the grocery store. He would kind of gorge whenever sweets were offered to him. We changed our approach—sweets are a special treat, but it’s important to be healthy. DS is now 12 and is better about self regulation. My family is also always pushing sweets and other foods, but DS will say sometimes say no. They’ve also been better about offering fruit instead of sweets.

[Anonymous]

We had to do the “only see DCs when we’re around”. There is no other way. They don’t think you mean it and they don’t think the rules apply to them. Maybe never seeing their grandson alone will make then understand.

Also, at 10, your son can and should refuse the treats. He knows the rules and isn’t a toddler.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused by your post. I’d the pediatrician telling you your child is at risk for diabetes? It is on both sides of our family too but I’m not concerned about my kids because they don’t exhibit any signs. Neither do DH or I.

As for the grandparents, ours were excessive. They didn’t care what we said. It was really over the top in ways that wouldn’t be believable and I’m not a control freak about food. My kids each threw up every time they visited them or they visited us for years. Food was the cause of many arguments.

It only stopped as the kids became older, got really into sports and wanted to eat healthy on their own. Sure, they still eat ice cream with the grandparents. But it’s not a free for all for every meal and snack to the point of getting sick. Both sides still look shocked when they turn it down and blame us, their parents.

[Anonymous]

Help them find another way to connect. That’s what they’re trying to do.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I should add that my mother was a stickler with candy and cake. We hardy ever had sugar cereal, for example. We never had cavities: my kids are starting to sneak it and I know they have it with friends on the bus. I know I can only control so much. The grandparents, who take really good care of themselves, could at least help. My mother gets all flustered if you offer her wine, she’s that strict about stuff that is ‘bad.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help them find another way to connect. That’s what they’re trying to do.

My mother is terrible this way. Like literally shoving jellybeans in the kids mouth if they express an ounce of sadness (about something completely unrelated.) it’s because she can’t figure out other ways to interact with my kids as she gets older and is totally out of practice communicating with little people. I have not solved this issue but the more I give her structured things to do (take them to the park for 1 hour and give them snacks xyz) or buy an art kit for them to do together, it seems better. Unstructured time can be the enemy.

[Anonymous]

Let it go

[Anonymous]

Cavities have nothing to do with sugar so don’t let that worry you. Teach your kids to brush their teeth well and you should be fine.

[Anonymous]

Sugar isn’t going to give them diabetes or cavities so what’s the problem?

[Anonymous]

That would not fly with us. We would not let DS be alone with them.

[Anonymous]

You’re overreacting big time but if you don’t like it then you need to ditch the grandparents for good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re overreacting big time but if you don’t like it then you need to ditch the grandparents for good.

+1

[Anonymous]

How often do they visit? My inlaws were very indulgent but my kids saw them 2 weeks a year. At 10 your son understands that extra treats from grandma or on vacation end and then you go back to healthier habits.

If your inlaws live around the corner and see your child multiple times a week, then I would have a serious conversation about your food preferences for him. I would focus on healthy eating not cavities and diabetes though. Healthy eating is important for all kids.