Freudian slip on deathbed
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Anonymous
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My dad is on his deathbed and we are visiting him regularly in hospice.
We did not have a great relationship as he has directed a lot of favoritism toward my sister and her children. Still, he is my dad and I do love him. When I said to him “I love you Dad” on a recent visit, he looked me straight in the eye and said “I love you” and then my sister’s name instead of mine. My dad has been in and out mentally as he is bound to a hospital bed and recently went on morphine. Was this a Freudian slip? It was triggering because I have always felt he loved my sister much more than me. |
Anonymous
| It's not, OP. My grandmother, who was my mother for all intensive purposes...didn't recognize me when she was in this stage of passing away. Not recognizing people, confusing people, etc. is very, very common. I'm sorry your father is passing and wish peace for you and your family. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, OP, for your father's illness. It must be very difficult, particularly as you have felt you are the less favored child. I have no idea whether that is true, but this is not evidence of it. I mix my kids names' up all the time, even sometimes adding the dog in, and I am of sound mind (AFAIK). I think this is just a symptom of the fact that he is heavily medicated. He may have thought you were your sister, or he may have known who you were, but said the wrong name inadvertently. In either case, it says nothing about his feelings for you as compared to your sister.
I'm really sorry, OP. |
Anonymous
| Impossible to know, but won’t it be best for you to assume it was simply drugs/dementia? Why not give him the benefit of the doubt? |
Anonymous
| Well, as you said, he's always loved your sister more. So this shouldn't surprise you. But second place ain't bad either. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't say it proves he loves your sister more, just that he's more used to saying "I love you" to her. Has she been around more during his illness? |
Anonymous
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OP, this is honestly drugs/dementia.
Signed....Mom has not recognized me for 15 years. |
Anonymous
Yes, she lives about a half hour away |
Anonymous
| My grandmother is in this situation. Her husband died 20 years ago and my uncle is very ill. But in her mind she thinks her son (my uncle) is the one who died 20 years ago and her husband is ill. |
Anonymous
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Read NOTHING into this. He is mentally confused and medicated. Suffering from dementia.
Try try hard not to project, based upon fears you have harbored your whole life. Your father loves you. You don't rank your kids or assign weights to love. Just let go of that thinking and reflect on all you have gotten from this person who is about the leave the world. |
Anonymous
What an insensitive dufus you are. Her father is dying and you are making juvenile jokes. |
Anonymous
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When my mother was intubated, and I entered the hospital room. She very angrily gestured that I had to leave. My other sisters could stay. There was no reason. I was devastated.
I thought she was angry because I was her health care proxy (and therefore authorized her intubation). Later, when she was better, she had no recollection of the incident, had no clue why she had done that, and said she totally agreed with my decision. So, there is not telling what triggered her behavior. Based upon our whole relationship though, I could put it in context. We were close and she loved me. That much is true |
Anonymous
| It’s not a Freudian slip, OP. Dementia doesn’t work like that. He told YOU he loves you. His “names” part of the brain just messed up. |
Anonymous
What matters is that he heard that he was loved, not that you get "credit" for saying it. If you have issues from your whole life with him, they won't get resolved now. Plan on therapy in your future to resolve the fallout. But don't put much stock on what he says or does right now. My sister-in-law's father called the adult children to his hospital bed in his final days to break the news that they were all Martians, having come from another planet. No joke, this happened. Drugs or dementia, but it actually lightened the moment for them. You would not want to be judged on your final days, perhaps in pain or drugged up. Take the big picture of who he was and the life he lived. |
Anonymous
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Eh, let it go. Even if he loves your sister MORE, he DOES still love you.
On the exact day my mother died, I was calling her from across the country, and the hospital she was in had a ban on visitors due to a lot of Covid + cases. So I told her "I'll come visit you as soon as they allow it. What could be better than that?" and without missing a beat she said my brother's name. AND THEN SHE DIED. 
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