Explaining racism and sexism to 3.5 year old?

[Anonymous]

We were reading “Mae Among The Stars” (book about astronaut Mae Jemison”) and DS asked why her teacher told her she couldn’t be as astronaut. I said something like “because she was a girl and Black” and that it was a wrong thing for her teacher to say. DS said, “Luckily since I’m a boy with white skin, I can be an astronaut”.

Well that was the wrong takeaway! Plus he isn’t actually White (half Indian).

Can anyone point me to good books on anti-racism and explaining racism? TIA

[Anonymous]

Following. My DD is almost 3.5 and is really interested in patterns, will say things like "I like strawberries and Mama likes strawberries because we are girls" (DH does not like strawberries) - I feel like it's only a matter of time before she sees disparities in her world and starts to articulate her assumptions based on them, but I don't know how to explain how disparities are caused by inequities in an age appropriate way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were reading “Mae Among The Stars” (book about astronaut Mae Jemison”) and DS asked why her teacher told her she couldn’t be as astronaut. I said something like “because she was a girl and Black” and that it was a wrong thing for her teacher to say. DS said, “Luckily since I’m a boy with white skin, I can be an astronaut”.

Well that was the wrong takeaway! Plus he isn’t actually White (half Indian).

Can anyone point me to good books on anti-racism and explaining racism? TIA

those concepts are way too early for anyone under age of 7-8? Btw your son's takeaway was correct. if the book and you focus on visible identity, he will too.

[Anonymous]

WWWAAAYYYYY TO YOUNG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were reading “Mae Among The Stars” (book about astronaut Mae Jemison”) and DS asked why her teacher told her she couldn’t be as astronaut. I said something like “because she was a girl and Black” and that it was a wrong thing for her teacher to say. DS said, “Luckily since I’m a boy with white skin, I can be an astronaut”.

Well that was the wrong takeaway! Plus he isn’t actually White (half Indian).

Can anyone point me to good books on anti-racism and explaining racism? TIA

those concepts are way too early for anyone under age of 7-8? Btw your son's takeaway was correct. if the book and you focus on visible identity, he will too.

+1 No matter how much you try to force kids to deal with issues above their level, they will only ever deal with them as someone their age. They are not mini adults or robots you can program.

[Anonymous]

Here are some good books for kids https://www.amazon.com/Race-Cars-childrens-about-privilege/dp/071126290X/

https://www.amazon.com/A-Kids-Book-about-Racis/dp/1951253000/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WWWAAAYYYYY TO YOUNG.

+1

[Anonymous]

Do. Not. Do. This.

[Anonymous]

I would just say it’s a mistake, I don’t know why the book says that, anyone can be whatever. I don’t frame it as something for my child to be conscious of one way to the other, and just try to message inclusiveness and kindness all around. Don’t know what is the best approach but I try to make it an organic thing and model that myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just say it’s a mistake, I don’t know why the book says that, anyone can be whatever. I don’t frame it as something for my child to be conscious of one way to the other, and just try to message inclusiveness and kindness all around. Don’t know what is the best approach but I try to make it an organic thing and model that myself.

So you would not just not read the book you'd explicitly teach your kid to be racist.

[Anonymous]

Try readbrightly.com

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the posters that say it's too young. Of course you will not expect them to completely grasp the concept, it's about setting foundations. Those foundations are important because at this age kids are already trying to explain differences they see (why is the man standing in the median asking for money often black?) if you don't start answering those questions and starting to teach the basics on these concepts, they will come up with their own answers. That's what researchers say at least (all research has limitations).

My favorite book that helped my son right around that age startttt to slowly get some of these concepts and gave me EXTREMELY helpful language to use as it came up is called "Our Skin a first conversation about race" https://www.target.com/p/our-skin-a-first-conversation-about-race-first-conversations-by-megan-madison-jessica-ralli-hardcover/-/A-82975076

There are many others but in my opinion this one is the most simple and to the point, not talking in euphemisms. It explains that we all have different skin color, why that is (melanin), then it talks about how skin color can't tell you much about what people are like, what they know, etc etc etc - just by looking at someone we can't tell who they are on the inside. Then it tells the story about how a long time ago some people made up an idea called race. It goes through what that is and names racism, saying that this idea wasn't fair or true at all, but it's a story that has been told for a long time. Then it gives some examples of racism that even little kids can understand. And then what they can do. I just grabbed it from my son's room so I could walk through it.

My son immediately gravitated to it at that age because he was trying to figure things out and would ask to have it read over and over. Now he doesn't as much. Does he understand racism? No. But at 4.5 he can definitely tell you that some people are treated differently only because of their skin color and that is wrong (in 4 year old words). It's just the foundation, we'll get more into it as he keeps getting older.

Anyway, in your situation I probably would have used some of the words that I learned from this book - in the past, and sometimes even today, girls and especially girls with Black skin weren't always allowed to do the same thing as boys with white skin. That was wrong and unfair. Now, we work hard to make sure that everyone can do the things they want to do - like be an astronaut.

You got this op, it's not easy but this gives you some language to start with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just say it’s a mistake, I don’t know why the book says that, anyone can be whatever. I don’t frame it as something for my child to be conscious of one way to the other, and just try to message inclusiveness and kindness all around. Don’t know what is the best approach but I try to make it an organic thing and model that myself.

Pp this is incredibly well intentioned and what most of our parents did, so I completely understand. AND I would encourage you to consider pushing a little more because the folks that do work and research in this area really strongly encourage naming and actually addressing these issues if you want your child not to be racist. the colorblind or just be kind to everyone approach negates the fact that some people's experiences really are different and that matters, kindness isn't the only thing we need - we have to be aware and push hard against the racism that continues to impact people. Here are a couple articles I found about it.

https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a32824297/color-blind-myth-racism/

https://www.today.com/parents/how-teach-kids-about-race-don-t-be-colorblind-t115136

Also for the OP, this book recently came out about raising antiracist children and it's on my list so I can't speak personally yet to it but wanted to share: https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Antiracist-Children-Practical-Parenting/dp/1982185422/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2P1WLO9GL034X&keywords=raising+an+antiracist+child&qid=1658513371&sprefix=raising+an+antiracist+child%2Caps%2C134&sr=8-1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WWWAAAYYYYY TO YOUNG.

+1. The virtue signaling on this forum is beyond belief.

[Anonymous]

I'd just say "because in the olden days people used to wrongly tell women they couldn't do what men can. Isn't that silly? Thank goodness we know better now!"

Phrase it that way. Of course some people still think that way, but they're dying off for the most part, and that's enough for a preschooler.