What’s the likelihood that my daughter is gay? r/o

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old daughter has recently started to tell me that she has a crush, and it’s one her little girl friends. She fully understands what it means to be lesbian/gay. I am just wondering at 8 years old, if she really knows that she is gay. I remember my first crush as well, which was a boy in kindergarten. I would ever admit at that age that I liked a particular boy, but even at 5 years old, I knew I liked boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old daughter has recently started to tell me that she has a crush, and it’s one her little girl friends. She fully understands what it means to be lesbian/gay. I am just wondering at 8 years old, if she really knows that she is gay. I remember my first crush as well, which was a boy in kindergarten. I would ever admit at that age that I liked a particular boy, but even at 5 years old, I knew I liked boys.

This means nothing at 8 years old. Kids often have "crushes" on same-sex kids at that age and it has no bearing on whether they grow up to be gay. Also gay adults often had opposite-sex crushes as kids. Crushes can be platonic, and in an 8 year old you can be pretty sure it's not indicative of a sexual awaking (although not impossible, it's not likely at that age). Don't read into it either way. Just let her enjoy her "crush" and don't stress about it either way.

[Anonymous]

I crushed hard in my best friend at age 8. I think I pretty much wanted to be her. Not kiss her. I’m pretty solidly straight now. Anyway - it doesn’t matter. So what if she is gay? Mazel tov!

[Anonymous]

At age 8 it is not a true sexual attraction so has no bearing on her adult attractions.

[Anonymous]

Don’t assign adult feelings to a child. Her entire world view is only 8 years old. She is just talking about who she enjoys spending time with, who she thinks about when they’re not there, and who she finds fascinating. These are not feelings of attraction at this age. Just let her be and give her room to grow and she will become whoever she is going to be. Don’t be in a hurry to try to get a glimpse of her future, just watch it unfold in time.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is. Maybe she isn’t. At that age so many y people were convinced my kid was gay. I honestly couldnt tell. Fast forward, they are. It was obvious to others but, while I thought it was a strong possibility, I was t certain. Point is, who cares. They become who they are meant to be in their own time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is. Maybe she isn’t. At that age so many y people were convinced my kid was gay. I honestly couldnt tell. Fast forward, they are. It was obvious to others but, while I thought it was a strong possibility, I was t certain. Point is, who cares. They become who they are meant to be in their own time.

This. I would have guessed at 8y that my son was gay. At 17y, it seems he isn't. Alternately, no one would have guessed at 8y that I would end up gay. I came out at 19y.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is. Maybe she isn’t. At that age so many y people were convinced my kid was gay. I honestly couldnt tell. Fast forward, they are. It was obvious to others but, while I thought it was a strong possibility, I was t certain. Point is, who cares. They become who they are meant to be in their own time.

This. I would have guessed at 8y that my son was gay. At 17y, it seems he isn't. Alternately, no one would have guessed at 8y that I would end up gay. I came out at 19y.

I’m going to guess that you are a woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I crushed hard in my best friend at age 8. I think I pretty much wanted to be her. Not kiss her. I’m pretty solidly straight now. Anyway - it doesn’t matter. So what if she is gay? Mazel tov!

I crushed hard on other girls in middle school -- and I assumed I just wanted to be friends with them. It took me until my 20s to figure out I was gay (I did not actually know what gay/lesbian was at 10). No idea about your kid, though -- 8-year-old crushes are not exactly determining her sexuality for time immemorial. She'll figure it out in next 10+ years and it sounds like you'll be supportive no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t assign adult feelings to a child. Her entire world view is only 8 years old. She is just talking about who she enjoys spending time with, who she thinks about when they’re not there, and who she finds fascinating. These are not feelings of attraction at this age. Just let her be and give her room to grow and she will become whoever she is going to be. Don’t be in a hurry to try to get a glimpse of her future, just watch it unfold in time.

This only seems to be an issue when a kid has a crush on a same-sex friend. No one thinks twice about saying little Susie has a crush on Joey, or Johnny has a little girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Until she goes through puberty, I wouldn't assign any meaning to it OP.

[Anonymous]

It's the "it" thing now on TikTok. They don't even understand at age 8 what that means as a teen or adult. I would brush it off and explain friendship is not the same as a teenage romantic relationship, it's 2 different things. Romantic teen relationships are temporary, you go out on dates, then you break up. Friends are at least intended to be forever.

[Anonymous]

There are other options besides straight and gay. Also, sexuality is fluid, so even if she’s only into girls for a while, she might feel differently at a different time. Furthermore, if she winds up being bi or pan, and settles into a monogamous relationship at some point, it doesn’t mean she’ll have to start identifying as gay or straight, it just means she’ll be monogamous (but still be attracted to whatever gender she’s attracted to, just not acting on it).

Basically, even if you figure out how she identifies now (which is rather meaningless for a prepubescent child), during teen years, during college years, or whenever, it could still change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is. Maybe she isn’t. At that age so many y people were convinced my kid was gay. I honestly couldnt tell. Fast forward, they are. It was obvious to others but, while I thought it was a strong possibility, I was t certain. Point is, who cares. They become who they are meant to be in their own time.

This. I would have guessed at 8y that my son was gay. At 17y, it seems he isn't. Alternately, no one would have guessed at 8y that I would end up gay. I came out at 19y.

I’m going to guess that you are a woman?

yes...