Do you ask permission/give notice of the chores your doing?

[Anonymous]

And if so where's the line? I'm curious about this whole relationship thing in this regard. Do I tell DS that I took out the trash, moped the floor, changed the sheets? It seems like whenever I do these give her notice that I'm going to do anything except the most basic thing like taking out the trash, I get pushback like don't do that now. So I'm at a stalemate.

Then sometimes I just feel like eff it, I'll apologize later if I shouldn't do this. So I'll do something like organize the garage or the kids playroom and feel good about it and sometimes it's nothing and sometimes it's a you should let me hire somebody to do that. I admit that I do make a few mistakes (if I do 4 projects, I may need up 1 of them, and if I do 10 I may mess up 1 significantly, not to the point of anybody being hurt but where is just as expensive as if we had hired as handyman).

But is there like an organization chart of which of these courses I should just be able to do without question and which ones I need approval before attempting? I just had a great day doing yard work and the whole time I was like I hope this doesn't start an argument but it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

DS=Dear Son. Is that who you mean?

[Anonymous]

Do you mean ask your husband? I have never in my married life asked permission of my husband to do anything. I also don’t tell him when I am doing housework or yard work or projects. I just do it.

I did once knock down a wall before talking about it. That maybe crossed a line, but he just laughed. I’ve built bookshelves and brick paths, totally rearranged the furniture, snaked drains, patched drywall…

Do I sometimes hire pros when I’m in over my head? Sure. But I would have had to hire someone to do it if I hadn’t done it, and at least by trying I learn something. Then next time I’ve got more experience.

Notice for taking out the trash or cleaning the garage, though? I don’t understand.

[Anonymous]

Maybe go back and edit your original post so it makes sense to people who can't read your mind? Your post is very unclear.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're terribly incompetent or your projects are ill-timed regarding a family plan (you're in the middle of messy yardwork and she's receiving friends for a backyard party), your wife sounds hyper-controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS=Dear Son. Is that who you mean?

And dear spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe go back and edit your original post so it makes sense to people who can't read your mind? Your post is very unclear.

It's not that big a deal. If you don't understand just let this thread die. It was just a passing thought about me relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS=Dear Son. Is that who you mean?

And dear spouse

Oh good lord. As if we didn't have enough of these silly abbreviations.

[Anonymous]

You are messing up way too many times. Learn your limits. If my partner wanted to attempt things I eould want them to mention that so we are mutually prepared for fallout. If they know what they're doing, I would want them to maybe say I'm going to fix x on y day so I don't make other plans.

[Anonymous]

I usually tell my spouse that I’m changing the sheets so they know it’s done and don’t do it again the day afterwards.

[Anonymous]

This belongs in the relationship forum. You have marriage issues not chore issues.

[Anonymous]

Rule of thumb: if the task you are undertaking could cause permanent damage/change to something, especially if you've never done this thing before, discuss it with whoever has an interest in the property you may be about to destroy.

changing sheets, taking out trash => no harm

moving a wall, repainting a room, anything building, plumbing, electrical or HVAC, major landscape redesign (removing plants or adding a big tree) => discuss first.

[Anonymous]

The only time I give notice to fellow house dwellers is when I am getting ready to mop so they don't accidently come into the room of a wet floor. I can't imagine the need for notification/heads ups otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rule of thumb: if the task you are undertaking could cause permanent damage/change to something, especially if you've never done this thing before, discuss it with whoever has an interest in the property you may be about to destroy.

changing sheets, taking out trash => no harm

moving a wall, repainting a room, anything building, plumbing, electrical or HVAC, major landscape redesign (removing plants or adding a big tree) => discuss first.

This is a good rule. I like the principle. Problem is that there's lots of things that I've done variants of but not three exact job. I've installed lights but not outlets. I've done doors but not shower doors. I've trimmed hedges but not the set of weeds we have here.

This is more of a me problem though because the few times I do mess up, it causes problems but normally I don't mess up. Even when I'm in over my head, I'm good at stopping before I'm in too deep and calling a pro.

It just gets frustrating because I may be planning to spend my weekend doing yard work, then I tell wifey and she's like no don't do that. We'll just hire somebody. And I'm like it's just a branch that's hanging low. I can knock it out in 10 minutes.

[Anonymous]

I love my DH and we don’t fight at all, really, much less about stuff like this. BUT: He consistently starts projects and doesn’t finish them. For the past three weeks, he’s been slowly chipping away the stain on our deck with the intention of restaining . But now our deck just has large patches of raw wood and there are piles of chips lying around. Similarly, he read once that, if you want to continue a paint job in a day or two, you can wrap the paint brush and refrigerate it instead of rinsing it out. We’ve had a paint brush in our fridge for a month. He has other great qualities, but his home projects make my life worse, not better.