Is it reasonable to be paid?

[Anonymous]

My dad has been in the hospital a few weeks now and needs a lot of mental stimulation, companionship, and feeding of homemade food. He is recovering very slowly and literally the only thing the doctors can do is to encourage him through family visits. I am the only family member who can visit daily and feed him homemade food. I don’t mind doing this, but I live slightly far away and have to pay for gas and parking. Not to mention the several hours a day I am spending at his bedside. I have my own job and household to run so this is just a lot for me. Is it selfish of me to want to be paid a nominal amount to cover my gas, parking, and time? I have financial POA and can access his accounts.

[Anonymous]

It's not unreasonable to want to be paid, but DO NOT just use your POA to access his accounts and pay yourself. It will look incredibly sketchy and could lead to problems down the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not unreasonable to want to be paid, but DO NOT just use your POA to access his accounts and pay yourself. It will look incredibly sketchy and could lead to problems down the line.

+1. I suggest you think of it more as "reimbursement" and less as payment. And DEFINITELY talk to your father and have some sort of documentation, even just a note or email. Do NOT just start drawing money from his accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not unreasonable to want to be paid, but DO NOT just use your POA to access his accounts and pay yourself. It will look incredibly sketchy and could lead to problems down the line.

+1. I suggest you think of it more as "reimbursement" and less as payment. And DEFINITELY talk to your father and have some sort of documentation, even just a note or email. Do NOT just start drawing money from his accounts.

His mental status is not good right now. Unable to consent or make any decisions.

[Anonymous]

Some states have programs that pay family member who care for family member patients in home. You could look to see if your state has one and if he (and you) qualify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some states have programs that pay family member who care for family member patients in home. You could look to see if your state has one and if he (and you) qualify.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not unreasonable to want to be paid, but DO NOT just use your POA to access his accounts and pay yourself. It will look incredibly sketchy and could lead to problems down the line.

+1. I suggest you think of it more as "reimbursement" and less as payment. And DEFINITELY talk to your father and have some sort of documentation, even just a note or email. Do NOT just start drawing money from his accounts.

His mental status is not good right now. Unable to consent or make any decisions.

In that case, keep a log of your expenses. When he gets better or the situation otherwise resolves, it gets settled then.
Do not transfer money from his account to yours.

[Anonymous]

Yes this is what family does for their elderly relative. No they don't expect to be reimbursed.

Having a household and other commitments typical when you are dealing with an elderly parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not unreasonable to want to be paid, but DO NOT just use your POA to access his accounts and pay yourself. It will look incredibly sketchy and could lead to problems down the line.

+1. I suggest you think of it more as "reimbursement" and less as payment. And DEFINITELY talk to your father and have some sort of documentation, even just a note or email. Do NOT just start drawing money from his accounts.

His mental status is not good right now. Unable to consent or make any decisions.

Then you need to run it past your family members, because if you start paying yourself out of his money without his consent, you are going to end up with problems. Stick with reimbursement for gas and parking, which you can document, to avoid any suggestion of double-dealing.

[Anonymous]

How much did your dad spend raising you?

Did he charge you every time he changed your diapers or cleaned up your vomit?

But sure go ahead and pillage his bank accounts. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much did your dad spend raising you?

Did he charge you every time he changed your diapers or cleaned up your vomit?

But sure go ahead and pillage his bank accounts. 🙄

Easy said than done, especially if you have dead beat siblings who don't help but wait for parents to die to get inheritance.

I think OP should keep a log to square it with her siblings, not with her father.

[Anonymous]

I think you are entering real dangerous territory. Countless families broke apart over these matters. Precede with extreme caution.

[Anonymous]

No, its not reasonable. You took on that role. Don't do a money grab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not unreasonable to want to be paid, but DO NOT just use your POA to access his accounts and pay yourself. It will look incredibly sketchy and could lead to problems down the line.

+1. I suggest you think of it more as "reimbursement" and less as payment. And DEFINITELY talk to your father and have some sort of documentation, even just a note or email. Do NOT just start drawing money from his accounts.

His mental status is not good right now. Unable to consent or make any decisions.

Then you need to run it past your family members, because if you start paying yourself out of his money without his consent, you are going to end up with problems. Stick with reimbursement for gas and parking, which you can document, to avoid any suggestion of double-dealing.

+1

[Anonymous]

We pay ourselves $10K per month to care for our 87-year-old mom, net of caregiver expenses; that’s how much it costs when there’s overnight care which she needs. So if we spend $10K that month on caregivers, we get zero. And if we spend zero, we get $10K. Her bank account is not shrinking. Anybody think this is a money grab?