How to Guide DC as she picks a career

[Anonymous]

We've given DC (now a rising junior in college) ultimate control of what she wants to do with her life. She initially came in as pre-med and has explored CS, policy work, and history -- taking courses and doing internships in these areas while keeping up with all the pre-med requirements. Now, we've reached the halfway point of her college career and we're trying to plan ahead for her grad school/career. Except... she's incredibly indecisive on what career she wants. She tells us, "Every time I find myself in the place I've always dreamed of, I always want to be somewhere else." For example, she loves her scientific research/volunteering, but thought something was missing - she wanted to understand how policymakers made decisions. So, she got back on her feet and is working on policy, and says she can't wait to get back to the lab - that policy work was everything she dreamed of, but it didn't engage with people. Here's the thing, she's good at everything she puts her mind to, so it's incredibly hard to guide her and her path forward. Do you all have any tips for helping to guide her along?

[Anonymous]

I would guide her to work with someone who is more of an expert than me--the college's guidance counselor, which is covered by my outrageous tuition.

[Anonymous]

She’s what 20-21? Just let her be. She can finish her undergrad degree, find a job, find another job…work for a few years and figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Also, if she's good at everything, there is literally no problem. She just needs to pick something to get data and use it to make future decisions.

[Anonymous]

I’d let her do whatever she wants but make it clear we are only paying for four years of college and will not financially support her after that. She’s doing this because you’re supporting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've given DC (now a rising junior in college) ultimate control of what she wants to do with her life. She initially came in as pre-med and has explored CS, policy work, and history -- taking courses and doing internships in these areas while keeping up with all the pre-med requirements. Now, we've reached the halfway point of her college career and we're trying to plan ahead for her grad school/career. Except... she's incredibly indecisive on what career she wants. She tells us, "Every time I find myself in the place I've always dreamed of, I always want to be somewhere else." For example, she loves her scientific research/volunteering, but thought something was missing - she wanted to understand how policymakers made decisions. So, she got back on her feet and is working on policy, and says she can't wait to get back to the lab - that policy work was everything she dreamed of, but it didn't engage with people. Here's the thing, she's good at everything she puts her mind to, so it's incredibly hard to guide her and her path forward. Do you all have any tips for helping to guide her along?

LOL. Mighty big of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've given DC (now a rising junior in college) ultimate control of what she wants to do with her life. She initially came in as pre-med and has explored CS, policy work, and history -- taking courses and doing internships in these areas while keeping up with all the pre-med requirements. Now, we've reached the halfway point of her college career and we're trying to plan ahead for her grad school/career. Except... she's incredibly indecisive on what career she wants. She tells us, "Every time I find myself in the place I've always dreamed of, I always want to be somewhere else." For example, she loves her scientific research/volunteering, but thought something was missing - she wanted to understand how policymakers made decisions. So, she got back on her feet and is working on policy, and says she can't wait to get back to the lab - that policy work was everything she dreamed of, but it didn't engage with people. Here's the thing, she's good at everything she puts her mind to, so it's incredibly hard to guide her and her path forward. Do you all have any tips for helping to guide her along?

The bolded is your problem. Your kid will likely not have one career. That is great! She can try something, then take what she likes of it to the next thing, and then do it again. I would suggest, kindly, that you butt out. It will also benefit your daughter to spend a few years working before grad school - this is MOST important for kids (like me!) who don't know exactly what they want after college. I had a job that was ok, one that was better, one that suited me for 6 years, and THEN I went to grad school and am now happily settled in my "career." But I didn't get there until about age 35, on purpose.

[Anonymous]

She sounds incredibly smart and insightful. There is no reason she has to know what her career will be from here. I’ve hired lots of foreign policy focused undergrads. Their resumes make me feel like a chump. Lots of the, take a job doing anything in the field. Along the way,they learn about themselves and make decisions about next steps. Some go to grad school, some go to the govt. and some stick around for a while. This is a long winded way of saying that they all eventually figure it out.

I moved across the country, lived at the beach, and waited tables for 2 years. I’m now in a leadership role at a highly respected organization. It’s ok to not have it all figured out at 20.

[Anonymous]

She sounds smart and capable.

If she’s cute also, she can always bounce from job to job with ease.

Credential cute women in their twenties don’t need to worry about finding a career path or resume gaps.

Have you ever met a t20 grad that was hot that was involuntarily unemployed/underemployed?

[Anonymous]

OP needs to loosen the strings big time.

[Anonymous]

There are joint degree (MD/PhD, MD/MPH) if she wants to combine various things she likes. Let her figure it out and recognize that it’s one step at a time. Next decision is work vs more schooling (and, if so, what kind). Probably won’t be totally within her control (admissions/offers/opportunities) and she should compare actually available alternatives rather than make an abstract decision this far in advance.

[Anonymous]

Op - - I don't think you have a role here.

She will get into med school or she won't. She'll decide to go in that direction or she won't.

[Anonymous]

You can advise her to set up appointments with her college's career counselors, deans and alumni in her intended fields. She'll figure it out in due time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've given DC (now a rising junior in college) ultimate control of what she wants to do with her life. She initially came in as pre-med and has explored CS, policy work, and history -- taking courses and doing internships in these areas while keeping up with all the pre-med requirements. Now, we've reached the halfway point of her college career and we're trying to plan ahead for her grad school/career. Except... she's incredibly indecisive on what career she wants. She tells us, "Every time I find myself in the place I've always dreamed of, I always want to be somewhere else." For example, she loves her scientific research/volunteering, but thought something was missing - she wanted to understand how policymakers made decisions. So, she got back on her feet and is working on policy, and says she can't wait to get back to the lab - that policy work was everything she dreamed of, but it didn't engage with people. Here's the thing, she's good at everything she puts her mind to, so it's incredibly hard to guide her and her path forward. Do you all have any tips for helping to guide her along?

The bolded is your problem. Your kid will likely not have one career. That is great! She can try something, then take what she likes of it to the next thing, and then do it again. I would suggest, kindly, that you butt out. It will also benefit your daughter to spend a few years working before grad school - this is MOST important for kids (like me!) who don't know exactly what they want after college. I had a job that was ok, one that was better, one that suited me for 6 years, and THEN I went to grad school and am now happily settled in my "career." But I didn't get there until about age 35, on purpose.

+1
You need to step back. I'd suggest that she get a job in the field she's thinking about, because that experience will be really helpful. It's normal to be indecisive, and it's normal to take a while to figure out what the best fit is. Going straight into graduate school might end up being a giant waste of money now, but give her a few years to try things out and she'll be an even more attractive candidate with a lot more information to work with.

[Anonymous]

Let her be an adult.

Not everyone knows at 21 definitively what they want to do. Trying to fore that is a recipe for conflict, or worse, for unhappiness a decade or so down the line. I'm 52 and I still don't know what's next, but my career has gone very well indeed.

Many, many of my generation decided they wanted to be attorneys. Perhaps that's because of LA Law, I'm not sure. But of the attorneys I work with now (there are many because of what I do), maybe 40% are happy. The others really wanted to do something else, or they realized it after they got their degrees and started to work. But now they feel stuck, and unhappy.

I'd hate for my daughter to force a clear decision on career when it didn't feel right.