Mostly venting angry at cousin

[Anonymous]

My younger cousin and her boyfriend had an unexpected pregnancy and the baby is now 17 months old.

When she became pregnant my husband and I who are 20 years older and established and who have been trying unsuccessfully for a child for years offered to adopt the baby. She had no intention of being a mom at the time wanted to finish her master's program and travel. Instead they planned to get married. Wedding and engagement were called off.
They are now constantly bickering and not communicating

Meanwhile the baby is sick not getting the care she needs because mom and dad refuse to follow doctors advice on medicine and follow ups with specialists etc.meanwhile the baby has been hospitalized for pneumonia multiple times. They didn't bother to tell daycare she has asthma. She spends most of the time with grandma while her parents travel and hang out with friends. But they are sure to be available for zoo trip and other cutie photo ops.

I know we're not entitled to the baby. It just makes me angry that they're not taking care of her seriously and they had the opportunity to opt out of being parents.

Believe me I know how complicated it is I work with high risk mom's and babies,,,

I'm just mad at the updates from family. My aunt and other family members making excuses for them. They're mid twenties not teen parents.

Just frustrating and I'm frustrated

[Anonymous]

I can see why you're frustrated. It'd be better for your mental health to not hear about the baby or this cousin anymore.

[Anonymous]

You are not entitled and this is bizzare.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. I agree with PP- you need distance from this situation or it will eat at you.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I know how painful infertility can be.

My unsolicited advice is to shutdown communication from family. If it's done via a group text, get off of it. If it's on social media, mute them. You do not need to have these updates, and you don't need to explain why. Just step away. It will help your mental health immensely.

[Anonymous]

Seems to me that you feel a sense on entitlement to this baby. Like it should have been YOUR baby.
It's not. Stop being overly involved in someone's else's child and life.
If you feel kid is in danger call CPS.

[Anonymous]

I was somewhat in your shoes, so I understand where you're coming from. My H and I struggled with infertility for many years and my 20 yr old cousin got his gf pregnant for the 2nd time in a year (she already had one abortion). They didn't want to be parents. I offered to adopt, but was quickly rebuffed. While I know my offer came from a good place, to them it was an insult and a judgment, which I can appreciate. It's also extremely awkward for them because we are all family. The long and short of it was, they kept the baby and mostly rely on grandma to raise her.

All that to say, I understand. I also want to caution you that your frustration and judgment of them is tinted with your IF struggles. That cannot serve anyone well. You have to detach. Block the family updates to protect your mental health.

[Anonymous]

Or, you can be sneaky, get CPS involved and then be the foster solution, and gradually persuade the parents that it's better you adopt their child.

Except I don't think it will work. Better to detach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see why you're frustrated. It'd be better for your mental health to not hear about the baby or this cousin anymore.

+1

[Anonymous]

Op here. I know I'm not entitled to the baby. My husband and I only offered because she prior to getting pregnant had no interest in being a parent.

And it still seems that way. I'm just sad for the little one.

I know I need to remove myself from the family chat for the better. I do like receiving updates on other family members I guess I will have to text them separately for now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems to me that you feel a sense on entitlement to this baby. Like it should have been YOUR baby.
It's not. Stop being overly involved in someone's else's child and life.
If you feel kid is in danger call CPS.

I think this is the right take and maybe something to talk to a therapist about. Maybe the couple aren’t the best parents but they are the parents. Baby still has a real bond with them, and they with her. No parents are perfect. If it’s neglect-worthy, call CPS. But the stuff you listed here doesn’t sound nearly CPS-worthy to this layman.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP.
I've been through a long period of infertility, so I know how that feels.
I remember being really pissed at people who were harming their kids while DH and I longed for one of our own.

You are going to have to block news of this other family for a while.
Nothing is going to change for the child's parents if their parents are making excuses for them.

There is nothing you can do. This is their child to mess up not "the child you almost had a chance to adopt."

I would put this under things you have to screen out of your life for your mental health.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, OP. SIL wanted to talk endlessly about her agonizing decision to end an unwanted pregnancy while DH and I were struggling with fertility issues. It was so hard for everyone.