Judgy MIL

[Anonymous]

The very first time I met MIL DH and I had been dating for six months and we were madly in love. She pulled me aside to verify my relationship history, then told me that she didn’t think I’d be a good fit for DH… fast forward 15 years, DH and I are still very happy but MIL never misses a chance to comment, criticize or judge our family.
Initially she would call me to say that she disagreed with something, for example details of our wedding. I listened but essentially ignored her.
Then she tried a different tactic, she’d call and say that DH was unhappy as he never wanted me to get pregnant for a third child, or he didn’t want me to stop working. I spoke to DH who called her on this crap and I also dramatically reduced my exposure to her.
Next she started to complain to DHs nieces or to FIL that I never invited her to our home, now as my kids are getting older she’s saying similar stuff to them.
With covid we were able to keep a lot of distance from them thankfully. While DH loves his parents he doesn’t enjoy spending time with them and I’ve stopped communicating altogether after MIL made some mean comments about my DD on a family zoom last year.
We don’t live close to them and they’ve never made any effort to come to us, everything always has to be on their terms.

I’m much happier as a result but I wonder if I should try again or just leave it.
I know they wont be around forever, at the same time they’re not my parents

[Anonymous]

Leave the relationship management to your husband, it is not worth the trouble.

[Anonymous]

Said as the judging daughter in law

[Anonymous]

You want to make amends with someone who spoke disrespectfully about your own child? What kind of self esteem problems do you have to even entertain this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Said as the judging daughter in law

Honestly I’m just so burned out by her. It’s been non stop since the day we met
Every holiday she sends us her gift list, if we get her something not on the list she complains
It’s exhausting

[Anonymous]

All the MILs on DCUM are judgy apparently, just do a search for MIL and read the thousands of threads that have already beaten this topic to death.

[Anonymous]

Leave it. You tried. She never stopped being cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want to make amends with someone who spoke disrespectfully about your own child? What kind of self esteem problems do you have to even entertain this?

She treats her own kids poorly too.
But she’s the grandmother of my kids, I do find it all confusing
My preference is not to have anything to do with her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the MILs on DCUM are judgy apparently, just do a search for MIL and read the thousands of threads that have already beaten this topic to death.

Thanks good tip

[Anonymous]

My MIL also has been negative about my relationship with DH since we met. I ignore her. DH sometimes tries to get me to reach out to her. I do enough to keep the peace, but I offer no information about me or my family that she can use as ammunition against us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL also has been negative about my relationship with DH since we met. I ignore her. DH sometimes tries to get me to reach out to her. I do enough to keep the peace, but I offer no information about me or my family that she can use as ammunition against us.

I’m sorry to hear you’re in the same boat
Do you have kids and if so do they have a relationship with her?
I’ve taken her power away by completely ignoring her, I also don’t think she’s a healthy influence on my kids because she’s so critical all the time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Said as the judging daughter in law

Honestly I’m just so burned out by her. It’s been non stop since the day we met
Every holiday she sends us her gift list, if we get her something not on the list she complains
It’s exhausting

Your husband can send her something on the list and manage all communication unless she changes her attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to make amends with someone who spoke disrespectfully about your own child? What kind of self esteem problems do you have to even entertain this?

She treats her own kids poorly too.
But she’s the grandmother of my kids, I do find it all confusing
My preference is not to have anything to do with her

What's the point of saying that she's the grandmother of the kids if she is a mean grandma to the kids? Why do you want that for your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to make amends with someone who spoke disrespectfully about your own child? What kind of self esteem problems do you have to even entertain this?

She treats her own kids poorly too.
But she’s the grandmother of my kids, I do find it all confusing
My preference is not to have anything to do with her

What's the point of saying that she's the grandmother of the kids if she is a mean grandma to the kids? Why do you want that for your daughter?

I guess because she’s family and I wish the situation was better
I’d like my kids to have the grand parents they deserve

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to make amends with someone who spoke disrespectfully about your own child? What kind of self esteem problems do you have to even entertain this?

She treats her own kids poorly too.
But she’s the grandmother of my kids, I do find it all confusing
My preference is not to have anything to do with her

What's the point of saying that she's the grandmother of the kids if she is a mean grandma to the kids? Why do you want that for your daughter?

I guess because she’s family and I wish the situation was better
I’d like my kids to have the grand parents they deserve

Ok, but that’s wishful thinking. The situation is what it is. You have given us no reason to think it will change.