Why do I like it when people feel sorry for me?
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Anonymous
| I am realizing this about myself and absolutely hate it. I've always liked to complain but I recently noticed that throughout my life, I have turned to a figure I look up to or who I think is better than me to tell them my problems, in the hopes that they show me sympathy and understanding. I am in my early thirties and am actively trying to get married so I need to get this under control--guys aren't big on women who seek out pity, in my experience. Is anyone else like this? Could this be because I grew up with neglectful parents? |
Anonymous
| OP here. I will add that since becoming aware of this pattern, I've tried to stop myself from doing it but I generally fail. Last week I hung out with a friend and told myself that I would not complain to her about a mutual friend and I went ahead and did it anyways. |
Anonymous
|
Interesting. This is a great thing to talk about with a therapist.
I am the opposite and cannot stand people feeling sorry for me and I think it's the way I was raised and I've talked to a therapist about it. I have tended to feel like I always need to be my best self, no one cares, don't show or tell people your real vulnerabilities, make it seem like everything is great, etc. I think this probably goes better in terms of people wanting to be around you than being a complainer, but it can keep people at a distance too, which is not a good thing. Therapy really helped me change. |
Anonymous
| You like the attention. |
Anonymous
I desperately wish I was like you. I have a coworker who was the same way and though I always thought it was weird she gave a positive spin to everything, I have to admit I thought she was very self assured and had a strong personality. |
Anonymous
|
Because it gives you energy. You’re an emotional vampire!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PHy5YROllws |
Anonymous
OP here. I probably do like the attention, but I also like the feeling of someone outraged on my behalf. That and seeking sympathy seem to be the primary motivation I think. |
Anonymous
| I have a friend like this, she only tells me things where I have to give her lots of attention and sympathy. It works! I get to help her and she gets the attention. However as we got older I noticed that I kept thinking thoughts such as, “you are 40, figure it out”!! |
Anonymous
| Narcissism. Classic. |
Anonymous
OP here. Why do you say that? I feel like I am subordinating myself when I complain to others, not that I'm better than them. I am seeing a guy I really like and am terrified he will see this aspect of my personality. |
Anonymous
I don't agree with the narcissism label, but it suggests a self-centeredness to constantly complain about one's own problems. Some people think of narcissism as being generally self-obsessed, which isn't actually quite right if you look at the classic traits. |
Anonymous
| Probably should see a therapist about this especially since you said you had neglectful parents. Sounds like you are seeking connection, which is a good thing, but going about the wrong way. It should be mutual. Strangely, I’m the opposite and hate it when people pity me. So much so that I withhold a lot of myself. I’m currently going through a lot with the illness of a parent and I am unable to reach out because I fear people will feel sorry for me and see me as damaged. |
Anonymous
| I can't stand people who constantly complain. I tend to distance myself from those type of friends. |
Anonymous
| Get a therapist, even if it's just for 3-6 sessions to work through this one issue. |
Anonymous
| Misery lives company....human nature that's been around for centuries |