Going out of country—how to prepare my parents?

[Anonymous]

I’m the only child to my parents who are in their 70s. My parents are physically completely self-sufficient, but are emotionally co-dependent, even more so since COVID. I do keep pretty good boundaries in place that work for the most part. For example, I don’t make myself available on-demand. But if I don’t answer my phone or immediately call back, I get a comment like “don’t have time for us anymore?” Sounds like teasing if you didn’t know our codependent background. I typically DO talk to my parents once every other day for about 10 minutes. I visit every other week. But for whatever reason, I’m terrified to tell my parents we will be going out of the country on a cruise and won’t have cell service nor will we be reachable for a week. I think my mother will panic and think something awful will happen while we are away and they won’t have a way to reach me. I worry they will be lonely. I realize this isn’t healthy for either of us. How can I best prepare my parents and also deal with my own unwarranted guilt?

[Anonymous]

That's dramatic. Of course you will be able to call them. Tell them and teach them how to use What's app and you can probably still talk to them alternate days for 10 minutes.

Keep in touch and send them a few photos every day so they feel connected.

And get a friend or relative to call in case of emergency, clear it with the friend and tell your parents and leave the phone number so if they need to rush to the hospital or something, they have someone local to call.

Just tell them now and give them time to adjust. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's dramatic. Of course you will be able to call them. Tell them and teach them how to use What's app and you can probably still talk to them alternate days for 10 minutes.

Keep in touch and send them a few photos every day so they feel connected.

And get a friend or relative to call in case of emergency, clear it with the friend and tell your parents and leave the phone number so if they need to rush to the hospital or something, they have someone local to call.

Just tell them now and give them time to adjust. It's fine.

We won’t. We aren’t paying for the Wi-Fi package as the point of the trip is to unplug, and I’m not paying for international calls.

[Anonymous]

Tell them that if they truly, truly need to reach you they can call the cruise line office.

[Anonymous]

I would tell them in advance so they can get used to it. Then I would check my emails a few times during the course of the week and send them a few pictures. When we cruise we don't buy wi-fi but normally get signal in at least a few ports and try to email/check-in with family.

[Anonymous]

Just bite the bullet and tell them. You can even tease them that they’re not little children who need a note to open each day that you’re gone. Mail them a postcard your very first day. Then take a break from them for the rest of the cruise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them that if they truly, truly need to reach you they can call the cruise line office.

I agree. I think it’s nice you’re worried about your parents loneliness yet also know it’s OK to take the trip. The cruise line will know how to reach you if they need to. Leave them all pertinent information. Enjoy your trip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's dramatic. Of course you will be able to call them. Tell them and teach them how to use What's app and you can probably still talk to them alternate days for 10 minutes.

Keep in touch and send them a few photos every day so they feel connected.

And get a friend or relative to call in case of emergency, clear it with the friend and tell your parents and leave the phone number so if they need to rush to the hospital or something, they have someone local to call.

Just tell them now and give them time to adjust. It's fine.

We won’t. We aren’t paying for the Wi-Fi package as the point of the trip is to unplug, and I’m not paying for international calls.

You’re a terrible daughter if you don’t check in on your elderly parents at every couple days during that trip. What if one of them dies and they are all alone? Are they supposed to plan an entire funeral by themselves or just wait for you to return?

You are an only child. They are dependent on you. Old people are like children in many ways. Remember that and care for them as such. If you can’t handle that then arrange for someone to check in on them and then be in contact with that person every couple days. You need to think about this a lot more, you don’t just leave old people alone for a couple weeks. Put them in a home if you can’t be bothered with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's dramatic. Of course you will be able to call them. Tell them and teach them how to use What's app and you can probably still talk to them alternate days for 10 minutes.

Keep in touch and send them a few photos every day so they feel connected.

And get a friend or relative to call in case of emergency, clear it with the friend and tell your parents and leave the phone number so if they need to rush to the hospital or something, they have someone local to call.

Just tell them now and give them time to adjust. It's fine.

We won’t. We aren’t paying for the Wi-Fi package as the point of the trip is to unplug, and I’m not paying for international calls.

You’re a terrible daughter if you don’t check in on your elderly parents at every couple days during that trip. What if one of them dies and they are all alone? Are they supposed to plan an entire funeral by themselves or just wait for you to return?

You are an only child. They are dependent on you. Old people are like children in many ways. Remember that and care for them as such. If you can’t handle that then arrange for someone to check in on them and then be in contact with that person every couple days. You need to think about this a lot more, you don’t just leave old people alone for a couple weeks. Put them in a home if you can’t be bothered with them.

NP. Get a grip. If something major happens like a death, they will call the cruise ship and the cruise would tell OP.

She can check texts when she gets wifi in ports, but she shouldn't have to.

Also, these people are in their 70s!! My manager is 70. They aren't that old and should be able to handle things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's dramatic. Of course you will be able to call them. Tell them and teach them how to use What's app and you can probably still talk to them alternate days for 10 minutes.

Keep in touch and send them a few photos every day so they feel connected.

And get a friend or relative to call in case of emergency, clear it with the friend and tell your parents and leave the phone number so if they need to rush to the hospital or something, they have someone local to call.

Just tell them now and give them time to adjust. It's fine.

We won’t. We aren’t paying for the Wi-Fi package as the point of the trip is to unplug, and I’m not paying for international calls.

You’re a terrible daughter if you don’t check in on your elderly parents at every couple days during that trip. What if one of them dies and they are all alone? Are they supposed to plan an entire funeral by themselves or just wait for you to return?

You are an only child. They are dependent on you. Old people are like children in many ways. Remember that and care for them as such. If you can’t handle that then arrange for someone to check in on them and then be in contact with that person every couple days. You need to think about this a lot more, you don’t just leave old people alone for a couple weeks. Put them in a home if you can’t be bothered with them.

NP. Get a grip. If something major happens like a death, they will call the cruise ship and the cruise would tell OP.

She can check texts when she gets wifi in ports, but she shouldn't have to.

Also, these people are in their 70s!! My manager is 70. They aren't that old and should be able to handle things.

This is insane. My neighbors are in their 70s and have a 90yo mother who comes and waters flowers when they go out of town. 70 isn’t as old as you’d think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's dramatic. Of course you will be able to call them. Tell them and teach them how to use What's app and you can probably still talk to them alternate days for 10 minutes.

Keep in touch and send them a few photos every day so they feel connected.

And get a friend or relative to call in case of emergency, clear it with the friend and tell your parents and leave the phone number so if they need to rush to the hospital or something, they have someone local to call.

Just tell them now and give them time to adjust. It's fine.

We won’t. We aren’t paying for the Wi-Fi package as the point of the trip is to unplug, and I’m not paying for international calls.

You’re a terrible daughter if you don’t check in on your elderly parents at every couple days during that trip. What if one of them dies and they are all alone? Are they supposed to plan an entire funeral by themselves or just wait for you to return?

You are an only child. They are dependent on you. Old people are like children in many ways. Remember that and care for them as such. If you can’t handle that then arrange for someone to check in on them and then be in contact with that person every couple days. You need to think about this a lot more, you don’t just leave old people alone for a couple weeks. Put them in a home if you can’t be bothered with them.

I wonder if people waited to cruise until their parents died before the days of cell phones.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child to anxious 70 year olds too.
My mother was so incredibly controlling and smothering that I left my home country to live in the USA, and got her used to only ONE weekly call! Woohoo!

So now there is no problem when we travel, except that I do have to communicate upon our arrival, as she gets panicky when we travel.

If I were you, I'd tell them you're going on vacation, and won't be able to communicate at all. Give them all the trip details, emergency numbers, etc, so they can check for themselves that nothing has gone wrong with the ship. And if you get some sort of wifi at some point during your cruise, you can surprise them by a little email with photos! They'll be delighted. But don't tell them in advance.

The first break is always the most painful, OP. After that, it's easier. You've got to start somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Oh lord. I hope this is a sign to get some therapy too. This is not healthy.

They lived for MANY years without cell phones. When it was NORMAL to not be able to reach someone while on vacation. They'll be ok.

Tell them now, and then don't entertain any catastrophe talk.

After the trip, I'd work on this co-dependency. 70s is hardly elderly, you could have 20 more years of this. It's ok to set some ground rules about phone calls. Like they can leave a VM if it's urgent, but if it's not urgent you might not call them back for a bit. My DH's parents like to call when we are eating dinner. Then when he says he's busy (AFTER ANSWERING IT) they get mad. It enrages me. We are not obligated to be at someone's beck and call. We are allowed to miss calls and call back later. Honestly, it's ok. 911 exists for emergencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's dramatic. Of course you will be able to call them. Tell them and teach them how to use What's app and you can probably still talk to them alternate days for 10 minutes.

Keep in touch and send them a few photos every day so they feel connected.

And get a friend or relative to call in case of emergency, clear it with the friend and tell your parents and leave the phone number so if they need to rush to the hospital or something, they have someone local to call.

Just tell them now and give them time to adjust. It's fine.

We won’t. We aren’t paying for the Wi-Fi package as the point of the trip is to unplug, and I’m not paying for international calls.

You’re a terrible daughter if you don’t check in on your elderly parents at every couple days during that trip. What if one of them dies and they are all alone? Are they supposed to plan an entire funeral by themselves or just wait for you to return?

You are an only child. They are dependent on you. Old people are like children in many ways. Remember that and care for them as such. If you can’t handle that then arrange for someone to check in on them and then be in contact with that person every couple days. You need to think about this a lot more, you don’t just leave old people alone for a couple weeks. Put them in a home if you can’t be bothered with them.

I wonder if people waited to cruise until their parents died before the days of cell phones.

YES! We sailed on the Big Red Boat in the 90s and now I’m realizing that ship was FULL of “terrible” adult children. My own parents were among the offenders! We didn’t once call and check in on my grandparents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's dramatic. Of course you will be able to call them. Tell them and teach them how to use What's app and you can probably still talk to them alternate days for 10 minutes.

Keep in touch and send them a few photos every day so they feel connected.

And get a friend or relative to call in case of emergency, clear it with the friend and tell your parents and leave the phone number so if they need to rush to the hospital or something, they have someone local to call.

Just tell them now and give them time to adjust. It's fine.

We won’t. We aren’t paying for the Wi-Fi package as the point of the trip is to unplug, and I’m not paying for international calls.

You’re a terrible daughter if you don’t check in on your elderly parents at every couple days during that trip. What if one of them dies and they are all alone? Are they supposed to plan an entire funeral by themselves or just wait for you to return?

You are an only child. They are dependent on you. Old people are like children in many ways. Remember that and care for them as such. If you can’t handle that then arrange for someone to check in on them and then be in contact with that person every couple days. You need to think about this a lot more, you don’t just leave old people alone for a couple weeks. Put them in a home if you can’t be bothered with them.

If one of them dies, I sure hope the other one isn't calling the daughter but is instead CALLING 9-1-1!!!! Good god.