Only children and roommates

[Anonymous]

My DS is an only child so has not had to share his space much throughout his life. He's done sleepaway camps, been on vacation with other families, and had sleepovers galore, but, of course has always had his own room, things, and space. He's quite adaptable and flexible so I know he'll figure out it, just curious how other only children have fared when they moved in with a college roommate. Any tips your only found helpful in adjusting?

[Anonymous]

I did fine, but I had dealt with roommate situations at summer camps I had gone to at boarding schools.

I think people worry a little too much about this issue - as long as your kid is friendly and somewhat flexible, it really shouldn't be a huge issue.

[Anonymous]

Friendly and flexible are key. FWIW, my first college room mate was not an only, but a middle kid who had big age gaps on either side. Had her own room for her whole life. While friendly was not very flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did fine, but I had dealt with roommate situations at summer camps I had gone to at boarding schools.

I think people worry a little too much about this issue - as long as your kid is friendly and somewhat flexible, it really shouldn't be a huge issue.

+ on worrying too much. Are many DCUM siblings even sharing rooms? Whether an individual can get along with a roommate is much more about personality than siblings.

[Anonymous]

There's really no need to do it unless the kids wants to. I liked my own space so I never in my life had a roommate unless you count my boyfriend who became my husband and now our kids. I'm still a functional member of society

[Anonymous]

I wasn't an only, but I only shared a room for a few years when I was little with my sister. He'll be fine. Flexible and friendly are key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did fine, but I had dealt with roommate situations at summer camps I had gone to at boarding schools.

I think people worry a little too much about this issue - as long as your kid is friendly and somewhat flexible, it really shouldn't be a huge issue.

+ on worrying too much. Are many DCUM siblings even sharing rooms? Whether an individual can get along with a roommate is much more about personality than siblings.

Yeah, very few MC or UMC kids are sharing rooms with their siblings anyway. And I agree, whether someone can be a decent roommate is mostly about temperament and basic consideration, which many only kids have just fine.

[Anonymous]

kind of an off question, I have two kids but they each have their own rooms?? I think it's a non-issue. Plenty to worry about and this is not it.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child and was SO EXCITED to have a roommate. I was really careful about keeping my mess on my side of the room and being considerate. No problems - still friends with former college roommates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:kind of an off question, I have two kids but they each have their own rooms?? I think it's a non-issue. Plenty to worry about and this is not it.

OP here. I'm not worried (you're right, plenty of other things to worry about), just curious about other people's expreiences. And I should have specificied, that it's not about sharing a room pre se but more 'space'. Our house is VERY quiet and he never has to share the rec room, the kitchen, any space he doesn't want to really. Again, not really worried about him, he's a really laid back kid, just curious.

[Anonymous]

My only child loved roommates bc s/he was always lonely without a sibling.

[Anonymous]

I think almost everybody has some issues living in such CLOSE proximity with another person. I know kids who have shared tight quarters with siblings most of their lives... picked their roommate (someone they knew, but not super well)... and it still turned out to be a hot mess. (including counselling with the RA). They just had very different ideas about who could come into the room, when, how much partying they were going to do, risk-taking behaviors, etc. And this was at a school where EVERYONE has a 4.0 (HS gpa) in order to get in.

So, roommate struggles happen.

[Anonymous]

I think personality matters the most. My first roommate and I had nothing in common. She never left the room and just saw around taping her favorite shows, Little House on the Prairie and Full House and watched them over and over again. I hated that I never had any privacy or the room to myself. If was better in the following years when I could pick friends as roommates and we were more in synch.

[Anonymous]

OP, others are right, don't worry about this. I say that as a parent of an only child who also had not just her own room but who didn't have to share space except with us. She was fine, though I'll add, she was lucky in that her first, random roommate was always out of the room (athlete--they tend to be out a LOT), and her roommate the next year was an acquaintance, friendly enough to get along well but not close friends so no drama.

I would add, though, that for any college-bound kid, whether they're an only child or one of a bunch of siblings, it's important to discuss how they would handle certain situations with roommates and suitemates. Even a kid who has shared a bedroom with a sibling and/or had a bunch of siblings or cousins around forever is not really going to have experience in dealing with and most importantly speaking up about certain college-roommate problems. Will you son advocate for himself with a peer with whom he'll still have to live after they have a problem?

Will your son speak up or feel like he "shouldn't say anything" if, for example: "My roommate is a complete night owl and I'm losing sleep due to his clacking on the computer keyboard at 3 a.m." Or: "Roommate leaves his dirty laundry on the floor and it's literally in my way all week." Or: "Roommate says he can't work without music playing but I never have it on, and though he wears headphones I can hear all his music." Or: "I opened the mini fridge and found a ton of vodka; we're not allowed to have it, and I'm worried we'll get busted with it and it's not mine." All those are real-life examples from my friends' kids, I'm sorry to say. This is one from my own experience though not directly -- this was a friend's problem in college: "My roommate often brings home people and has sex in our room and I don't know what to do about it--I feel like it's not my room at all and what's more, I feel unsafe with strangers in our room overnight."

Not saying all that to scare you, just to note that any real issues likely won't be about adjustment to having less space and privacy. They'll be about behaviors that are distracting at best and maybe hostile at worst. Be bold enough to talk to your son about these kinds of scenarios and remind him he has the right to speak up and say things have to change, especially if it's something that breaks clear rules (drugs, alcohol, in the room) or makes your son so uncomfortable he feels he can't use his own room. Talk to him, role-play situations, whatever.

[Anonymous]

It’s going to be like something from his nightmares.