Am I a mean aunt?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My niece was visiting for the weekend. She is newly 6. She puts her unwashed hands on food ALL THE TIME and it drives me crazy. Like I’ll take out leftovers from the fridge to heat and serve, and while I leave it open on the counter to get a plate, she’ll poke her hands into it. This is not a one-time thing, it’s all the time! I finally grabbed the container from her. |
Anonymous
| What was the mean part? Of course you should take it from her if she can’t stop touching it. |
Anonymous
| You need to teach her what is expected at your house not get mad at her. It’s ok just try better next time |
Anonymous
| At 6 it can be normal, if she's impulsive and sensory-seeking. However, all you need to do is talk to her and take the stuff away, because she's not doing it on purpose to spite you, OP, and so you need to teach her to resist habit and impulse, which takes time. My DD was like this too. So weird after DS, who is a sensory-avoider and would never touch food with his fingers. |
Anonymous
What happens when you crouch and gently mention "Sweetie, I'm gonna need you to wash your hands before touching the communal food or Auntie's gonna have to take it away."? |
Anonymous
Oh I did that the first 10 times. Very sweetly. She is impulsive as the PP said. |
Anonymous
10 times? At no point did it occur to you to keep the food out of reach until she’d washed her hands? |
Anonymous
| You were right to set the boundary, but you could have done better than grabbing a container away from her, which also isn’t great behavior to model. I would have told her to leave the kitchen and not to come back in until mealtime before I would have grabbed. |
Anonymous
|
I live in the city, so whenever people come in, I direct them where to wash their hands. And with kids I'd just tell them it's a house rule. "Everyone has to wash their hands before eating."
And if she didn't stop sticking her hands in food I'd put the food away. It's that simple. |
Anonymous
I am confused how this happened 10 times on a weekend and you didn’t figure out to tell her to wash her hands when you washed yours before starting to prepare the food, or said “go watch some TV am doing I will call you when the food is ready” Or something. |
Anonymous
| What was she raised in a barn? I have a 5 year old and can't imagine her sticking fingers in common food bowls! |
Anonymous
NP. This. Firm rules about hand-washing, made clear BEFORE she even gets a foot inside the front door on the next visit. Nicely but very firmly. She washes hands when she walks in . She washes after using the bathroom, playing with her toys, etc. She washes when she walks into the kitchen. (This being snarky old "let kids be kids" and "OPs are always wrong and bad" DCUM -- someone will come to say, no, this is too many rules blah blah. No it's not too many rules. She needs structure and OP is right to find this gross.) I might give her specific helping tasks to do if you're making food. Put her in charge of something and praise her when she gets it done. She can set the table (after washing her hands) or help wash or dry dishes later etc., or even help with appropriate, simple food prep after washing her hands in front of you. Give her some responsibility and have fun together in the kitchen. If she acts out, refuses to wash hands by your rules, or is otherwise too immature to do age-appropriate kitchen tasks, there should be a consequence: The kitchen is off limits to her for the rest of that day or the rest of the entire visit if that works better for you (and gets her attention better). If you have a way to close the kitchen door or otherwise put it off limits when it is not mealtime or meal prep time, do so. No wandering into the kitchen except to take part in preparing a meal or cleaning up afterward. Good rule for everyone, actually. I note that some PPs were fussing at you, OP, for "leaving food on the counter" but I see you were simply getting it out of the fridge and turning away only long enough to get a plate out to put the food onto it! And she was putting her hands in the food during that momentary and necessary pause. Wow. I agree, it's unsanitary and rude and her folks should be nipping that. The fact it's impulsive isn't an excuse. |
Anonymous
I would have told her "do not touch the food" the first time she did it I have every right to correct any child that comes into my house. |
Anonymous
That's how I feel. And if the kid doesn't listen, they're not welcome back until I think they've matured. |
Anonymous
This, yes its fine to take it and its also fine to insist she wash her hands before touching food/eating. |