For those who have family abroad

[Anonymous]

How do you cope? My family lives in the middle east and I am desperately missing them and the separation is so hard as parents get older.

[Anonymous]

Move back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you cope? My family lives in the middle east and I am desperately missing them and the separation is so hard as parents get older.

You can move back or bring them here, if neither is possible then you may miss them but clearly not enough to do something about it.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard. But we try to FaceTime weekly, send photos of the kids frequently, just stay in touch as much as we can. It was hard not being able to see each other in person for 2 long Covid years, but now we can travel again we schedule long visits. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

It's hard. We go back every summer. I had a life there before moving here and some part of myself stayed behind. I often wonder if we would be happier there. But my husband and kids don't speak the language and we would have to start from scratch.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 50s. I moved here when I was 27 and now I am homesick.

My life here has been great and I also met my wonderful husband to whom I've been married for 24 years. But I've missed out on so much with my family in Europe. My 2 great-grandparents, my maternal grandparents and my parents all died after I moved here.

While I travelled back home to see them multiple times when they were ill, it's not the same. I've missed out on spending precious time with them before they got ill.
I've missed out on spending time with my aunts, uncles and cousins. I don't know my cousins well. I don't know my cousins' children (well I know their names but that's about it). My cousins never get in touch with me.
I've missed out on family dinners and Christmases.

I do contact my aunts and uncles every other month or so, and I try and get together with them when I go to my home country but I am always the initiator.
I know they haven't forgotten about me but I feel forgotten. My family have moved on.

[Anonymous]

Immigration is tough on individuals and families.

[Anonymous]

I know people who moved back or brought parents here. It’s about priorities.

[Anonymous]

I miss my family so so so much too. We video chat everyday, my mom spends chunks of months with us, we go every summer but of course it is not like being there. Over the years, I missed a few big things (my grandpa's death/funeral, my brother's engagement, the birth of a cousin) and tons of the small stuff like large family bbqs, birthday parties, niece's school plays etc. I tear up just thinking about it...All of this to say- I feel your pain OP. Immigration is really tough, and there is a grief process involved in it, which I had never imagined would be there. We grieve for all the things we left behind, the other future we could have had, and of course if you are from a family/guilt heavy region you pile on that a lot of guilt associated with having left your family. Big virtual hugs to you OP, immigration is so so so tough,

[Anonymous]

Middle East is hard. At least Latin America is same time zone, $500 tickets during off season, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know people who moved back or brought parents here. It’s about priorities.

Well, priorities become very difficult when you are weighing providing a more stable and secure future for your children against your or your parents' needs. Frequently for people in my diaspora, there either are extended family members back home so bringing people here is not as easy as it sounds (not that it is easy at all by the way- we've been in the US for 6 years now and it would take another 6 for me to be able to bring people from my family over here.)

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's hard now as my parents age. We used to alternate visits to each other. But my father, despite good physical health, has become more and more homebound with the pandemic - I worry he's developing dementia. He refuses to fly. This mean we'll see them, at best, once every two years. It doesn't make me happy, because in two years, my oldest will be in college and might not even be physically present to see his grandparents.

And looking ahead to their elder care, they have no friends, their relatives aren't the caring sort, and I'm an only child. So goodness knows what's going to happen. I don't want to have to move back to look after them. There's a reason I moved away!!!

[Anonymous]

We're just not that close with them. No big deal. See them once a year and it's lovely, but ... whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss my family so so so much too. We video chat everyday, my mom spends chunks of months with us, we go every summer but of course it is not like being there. Over the years, I missed a few big things (my grandpa's death/funeral, my brother's engagement, the birth of a cousin) and tons of the small stuff like large family bbqs, birthday parties, niece's school plays etc. I tear up just thinking about it...All of this to say- I feel your pain OP. Immigration is really tough, and there is a grief process involved in it, which I had never imagined would be there. We grieve for all the things we left behind, the other future we could have had, and of course if you are from a family/guilt heavy region you pile on that a lot of guilt associated with having left your family. Big virtual hugs to you OP, immigration is so so so tough,

Did you come here of your own choice or did someone hold a gun to your head forcing you to leave your home country. It had to be one of those two as the US did not send you an engraved invitation to immigrate. You could leave and that would make room for the millions who risk their life to come here and are turned away. True that the US has many problems but I have lived in Europe and Asia, all first world countries, and in comparison, the US is paradise. My father immigrated to this country and he was so grateful for the opportunities he had here. In fact, prior to becoming a citizen, he joined the US Air Force and served with honor for 35 years. He immigrated from England. I am sick of immigrants who come to this country and take advantage of every opportunity and then talk about their perfect life in their third world country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss my family so so so much too. We video chat everyday, my mom spends chunks of months with us, we go every summer but of course it is not like being there. Over the years, I missed a few big things (my grandpa's death/funeral, my brother's engagement, the birth of a cousin) and tons of the small stuff like large family bbqs, birthday parties, niece's school plays etc. I tear up just thinking about it...All of this to say- I feel your pain OP. Immigration is really tough, and there is a grief process involved in it, which I had never imagined would be there. We grieve for all the things we left behind, the other future we could have had, and of course if you are from a family/guilt heavy region you pile on that a lot of guilt associated with having left your family. Big virtual hugs to you OP, immigration is so so so tough,

Did you come here of your own choice or did someone hold a gun to your head forcing you to leave your home country. It had to be one of those two as the US did not send you an engraved invitation to immigrate. You could leave and that would make room for the millions who risk their life to come here and are turned away. True that the US has many problems but I have lived in Europe and Asia, all first world countries, and in comparison, the US is paradise. My father immigrated to this country and he was so grateful for the opportunities he had here. In fact, prior to becoming a citizen, he joined the US Air Force and served with honor for 35 years. He immigrated from England. I am sick of immigrants who come to this country and take advantage of every opportunity and then talk about their perfect life in their third world country.

You sound like an idiot.