Husband occasionally calls baby names

[Anonymous]

I am at my wits end with my husband. We have a four month old. I understand how stressfully being a parent can be, especially a new parent in this stage. But my husband seems to think it’s appropriate to call our son names when he gets frustrated. He called our son an “effing dumb***” when he accidentally scratched himself and started screaming. He has used other profanity words around him. Everytime I tell him this is not appropriate and seriously disturbing he acts like I am the dramatic one. I honestly get nervous how the stress of the baby may impact him when I’m not around.

[Anonymous]

Really weird.

[Anonymous]

I’m concerned it’s done out of anger rather than the actual word. I definitely called my newborn a tyrant and a brat occasionally but it was always in a loving/laughing way. Sometimes it helped me work through the extreme frustration of a baby who would not sleep even though they were super overtired. Is your husband casual with swearing in general? Does he call friends/family members things like that ever?

[Anonymous]

Oh hell no. I would scream at my H and use a bunch of words so bad he’s never even heard of them before. Unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

He has always had some anger, but purely directed at sports games, and that jazz. Never did I imagine he would refer to our son like this. It makes me sick to my stomach, but even worse he thinks I am being dramatic. He gets very frustrated easy with the baby when he cries and I don’t know what to do.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it’s the anger and frustration that’s the problem. I have called my kids many things over the years, but never with any real heat behind it. Does he seem like he’s actually upset with the baby when he says it?

[Anonymous]

Oh hell to the no. This needs to be shut down immediately. Is there someone else—a family member, friend—who can help him see how messed up this is?
How does he respond to you when something happens, ie accidentally spills something as you turn around? How does he manage stressful situations? If you asked him would it be okay to talk to a 5’year old like that, what would he say?

[Anonymous]

That’s abusive. Even if your son has no idea what he’s talking about now it’s a very bad sign for what is to come as your son gets older if your husbands already saying stuff like this to a newborn.

[Anonymous]

I curse when I hurt myself, and DW hates it, but have never directed it at my kids, that is inconceivable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s abusive. Even if your son has no idea what he’s talking about now it’s a very bad sign for what is to come as your son gets older if your husbands already saying stuff like this to a newborn.

+1. And I’d be willing to bet your husband was abused—at least verbally/emotionally—as a kid. Maybe you had no idea until your own child was born. How will your husband handle it when your son gets older and has tantrums or talks back or breaks something or any other things kids do.

[Anonymous]

That is not right, OP.

DH teases and uses less than perfect language with our baby but nothing like your DH. Like DH does this “who’s the f*cling man!” when the baby is going grunts (pooping) but it’s all good natured.

[Anonymous]

This is wrong. I will say I have cursed in my head but never towards my baby. I have sometimes when very frustrated with crying cursed to myself “ I wish you would shut the F up” or “ please stop fing crying”. Never would I actually say that to my baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is wrong. I will say I have cursed in my head but never towards my baby. I have sometimes when very frustrated with crying cursed to myself “ I wish you would shut the F up” or “ please stop fing crying”. Never would I actually say that to my baby.

Thinking is just as bad as saying it to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wrong. I will say I have cursed in my head but never towards my baby. I have sometimes when very frustrated with crying cursed to myself “ I wish you would shut the F up” or “ please stop fing crying”. Never would I actually say that to my baby.

Thinking is just as bad as saying it to him.

NP. No, it’s not.

[Anonymous]

I remember one really bad night when my first was a newborn that I said "shut the f*ck up" in a harsh tone. I feel terrible about it. I don't understand how it could ever be a regular thing in an emotionally healthy home. In my defense, first child was a colicky baby that would cry unconsolably for 4-6 hours straight, nap briefly, then start again.

I think it's really weird but I'm not sure how you should address it. Maybe try and catch him doing something good? So when he speaks nicely to the baby, praise that. Men are like toddlers, this method actually works. But I agree about leaving the baby alone with him until you can get a better sense of what's going on with your husband. I absolutely would advise against addressing it with him directly or discussing it with his friends/family.