Above grade level, should I still care & follow up with kid academically?

[Anonymous]

I think back that since I put my son in daycare at 3 year old till now at age 7, I don’t care and pay much attention to his academic at all because he does everything by himself and does really well above grade level. I am the kind of mom that rely on teachers teaching the curriculum. I don’t ask him what he has learned from school, I don’t study with him, I don’t practice/review/check with his progress academically, I seldom read books with/to him etc. That is all because he is above grade level on math, reading and comprehension, writing and spelling and etc. He knows simple math & can read at 3 year old. At every parent teacher conference, all I heard from teachers were that he knew all these and they said that they were not worried about his academic, except he also had annoying behavior issues that we need to address every school year. They said that he is so smart, and there’s nothing they can do about his academic until he is older and there’s advanced class options. Since there is no problem with his academic, so I am hand off and don’t pay too much attention to it.

He is a really handful kid and the least thing I worry about is his academic. I am more interested in promoting hobbies/sports and him having fun, which are driving him to weekly sports, take him to kid events/festival/nature center/playground. I find it more fun doing this with him. I don’t have reading habit, so I don’t like to read books. He does not care too much about academic but he is good at it because he is a perfectionist and likes to outsmart /compete with others. All he thinks daily is either watching screen time or having fun to play, and he wishes every day is weekend and no school.

My question is should I still care and pay attention to his academic (e.g. read, practice writing, ask him what he has learned from school) even though he is doing great job at his level now? He is not gifted but he is really smart. I feel bad sometimes that I only want to play with him ( I enjoy it) but not care too much about his school academic ( I find it a bit boring and not fun). He does not have any reading habit, but he can read chapter book when he wants. He hates any homework, but he will do it if he is given homework assignment.

[Anonymous]

How is this any question?

[Anonymous]

I have a slightly younger children but I also plan to be hands-off on academics assuming they are at or above grade level. I think it’s much more important and satisfying to have fun together. But I will encourage the social emotional learning as much as I can.

[Anonymous]

He’s 7. Play with him and enjoy. Yes, you can ask how his day was but that’s different than quizzing him on which math topics he’s working on. Don’t worry about academics right now.

[Anonymous]

Really bad idea.

[Anonymous]

I read to my son until 9 when he would ask to read to himself instead of my reading to him. It was a nice time to snuggle and slow down. I could read him more advanced books that helped with vocabulary development and because it engages his brain. We played board games, still do, that helped him think about strategy and read and do math, great mental exercise and fun. We do ask him about what happened at school and what he is working on. School is important and we want him to know that we are interested, because we are, and that we are paying attention to what he is learning. We talk about what he is doing to expand on what he has learned or if it is an area that one of us really enjoys.

It sounds like you need to be using the screen time as a way to establish good behavior in school. You are describing your child as a handful at school who is having behavior problems. That is what you need to focus on.

My kid does well in school and is a pretty happy kid. He strongly prefers weekends and summer break because, well, who doesn't prefer weekends and summer break. Let's be real, I would love to not have to work and be able to do what I want, when I want, and chill out.

[Anonymous]

He might he above grade level now, but that doesn't mean he always will be, especially if you promote zero good habits at home and don't seem to value his education

[Anonymous]

Speaking as someone who was always above grade level but struggled with AP and college courses, instead of building academic skills, focus on building his study habits. I was allowed to skate by because I was bright, but I didn't know how to study for a test (because I hadn't had to before). Eventually I worked with a great HS teacher who helped me make a study plan and finally taught me how to study for things. I can only imagine how I would have performed if I had had someone help me that way earlier.

I would make sure he does his homework and encourage reading. Play is important too, but good study habits will serve him the best in the long run. You are failing him if you let him grow up thinking it is totally fine to not try.

[Anonymous]

He's 7. You have no idea what's coming down the pipeline in the next few years as things ramp up and school becomes real. But thanks for the laugh!

[Anonymous]

I personally believe in the value of teaching your kids to have a growth mindset and foster a love for learning and curiosity. You can do this by listening to fun and interesting podcasts like “Wow in the World” and “Radiolab for Kids” by NPR, reading together (even apart but having them see you read - my mom read Harry Potter and Narnia to use aloud even though I was 8-14 and was top of my class and it’s such a fond memory for us kids), attending festivals, museums, cultural events and travel. You don’t necessarily have to read to them or quiz them about schoolwork. I think it would still be very beneficial to ask about their day like “what subject or activity did you improve in the most this month?”, “What is one act of kindness you witnessed or did this week?” and discuss one high and one low point from the day. But I highly recommend reading up on how to teach a growth mindset over fixed - it will help your kid grow into a more resilient adult.

[Anonymous]

There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am gladly here to take criticism and tips because I think it is not good. I do care about his education at school and we have opened 529 account when he was a baby.

He is handful, so sometimes he does not listen to us. And, I am more worried about him getting bored in school if I do MORE with him on academic because he is above grade level now by a lot. He has been like that since he was little, really smart when it comes to academic. I know his study habit is bad because he does not even need to try/study at all and still get good grade now. He has great memory and fast learner.

He has asked us for math enrichment, and I have been hesitating because of the reason above, afraid that he is getting more bored & too far ahead than other peers. So, I just let him be at school when it comes to academic, but we enrich him on coding, stem, art and sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

op here. Then what should I do instead? He thinks that he is smart, and he is motivated by perfectionism and competing with others now. He likes praises and positive encouragement. He sometimes compete with DH at adult level when it comes to knowledge, and of course he lost and cried.

You won't believe me, he was interested in playing sudoku and memorizing map for a few months when he was 5. It was virtual school, so he has nothing better to do and we were busy working. I think other peers at his current grade level is not that challenging enough for him to try or work harder.

[Anonymous]

With my advanced kids we do extension activities. Home science projects. Read books together from the library, then go to museums or historic sites to provide context. Building projects. Go to classical concerts. Music lessons. Lots of art projects. Cooking projects. Map reading on trips. Etc.

We don't try to get ahead of the curriculum, but add depth and context so when they come across topics in school they have a deeper understanding.

[Anonymous]

I would focus on having him pursue an interest where he has to stick with it to get good at it. He does need to learn study habits and how to fail and try again. These are lifelong skills.

I have taught kids like this, and they start to act out at school when their lack of study skills and good work habits get in the way of making progress.

I think you sound like you need help with his behavior, be it’s not going to improve as he gets older. He may need a different school or other changes at his school.

I would look for a parenting class and I would schedule an appointment with a parenting coach or child therapist to get some professional feedback on your situation.

You can talk to your child about topics he is studying.

I’m glad that you recognize that you need advice.