Above grade level, should I still care & follow up with kid academically?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

op here. Then what should I do instead? He thinks that he is smart, and he is motivated by perfectionism and competing with others now. He likes praises and positive encouragement. He sometimes compete with DH at adult level when it comes to knowledge, and of course he lost and cried.

You won't believe me, he was interested in playing sudoku and memorizing map for a few months when he was 5. It was virtual school, so he has nothing better to do and we were busy working. I think other peers at his current grade level is not that challenging enough for him to try or work harder.

I believe you, I have a kid who enjoys math a ton and is doing math competitions for fun.

You need to focus on his behavior. If he is a handful now and you don't do anything to improve his behavior he is going to struggle in school. And if he is perfectionist who gets upset at being wrong then you need to find a way to help him get a handle on that. It is not healthy for him in school because there will be material he does not get 100% correct and there are going to be people smarter then him. What have the Teachers said about his behavior? What conversations have you had about correcting his behavior?

There are ways to supplement that are fun and not necessarily moving him ahead. Play math games, let him do sudoku, find things that engage him. But you should be reading to him or letting him listen to audio books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

op here. Then what should I do instead? He thinks that he is smart, and he is motivated by perfectionism and competing with others now. He likes praises and positive encouragement. He sometimes compete with DH at adult level when it comes to knowledge, and of course he lost and cried.

You won't believe me, he was interested in playing sudoku and memorizing map for a few months when he was 5. It was virtual school, so he has nothing better to do and we were busy working. I think other peers at his current grade level is not that challenging enough for him to try or work harder.

I believe you, I have a kid who enjoys math a ton and is doing math competitions for fun.

You need to focus on his behavior. If he is a handful now and you don't do anything to improve his behavior he is going to struggle in school. And if he is perfectionist who gets upset at being wrong then you need to find a way to help him get a handle on that. It is not healthy for him in school because there will be material he does not get 100% correct and there are going to be people smarter then him. What have the Teachers said about his behavior? What conversations have you had about correcting his behavior?

There are ways to supplement that are fun and not necessarily moving him ahead. Play math games, let him do sudoku, find things that engage him. But you should be reading to him or letting him listen to audio books.

Thank you PP. He has asked me a few times to sign him up for beast academy and let him play prodigy games. Should I enroll him and let him do that? I think he is interested in doing national math competition, but I am not sure if I want him to go down that route. What is the pro and con? I would rather him kicking some ball and sweating outdoor and drilling on math questions at home, and it seems unhealthy and geeky.

His reading and comprehension is currently above 2 grade level. English is not my first language & I am not good at reading aloud, really dry/too fast and some wrong pronunciation. We don't own any audio books, and where can I get those or borrow those? He is still working on his writing, spelling and some grammar rules.

His teacher mention that he sometimes talks and fools around in the class, and he sometimes likes to challenge/test teacher boundaries. He is overall a happy and friendly child. However, he has some arrogant attitude that "it is easy" " I knew it" at classroom when teachers are teaching in the class. Teachers know that he is smart and he knew the materials, so they try their best to ignore him when he fools around and attention seeking as long as he sits in his own seat even wiggling. There are some kids need to pay attention to learn the material and curriculum. Last year, he was the kind of kid that knew how to do fraction/multiplication/division when some kids in his class were learning single digit addition/subtraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

op here. Then what should I do instead? He thinks that he is smart, and he is motivated by perfectionism and competing with others now. He likes praises and positive encouragement. He sometimes compete with DH at adult level when it comes to knowledge, and of course he lost and cried.

You won't believe me, he was interested in playing sudoku and memorizing map for a few months when he was 5. It was virtual school, so he has nothing better to do and we were busy working. I think other peers at his current grade level is not that challenging enough for him to try or work harder.

I believe you, I have a kid who enjoys math a ton and is doing math competitions for fun.

You need to focus on his behavior. If he is a handful now and you don't do anything to improve his behavior he is going to struggle in school. And if he is perfectionist who gets upset at being wrong then you need to find a way to help him get a handle on that. It is not healthy for him in school because there will be material he does not get 100% correct and there are going to be people smarter then him. What have the Teachers said about his behavior? What conversations have you had about correcting his behavior?

There are ways to supplement that are fun and not necessarily moving him ahead. Play math games, let him do sudoku, find things that engage him. But you should be reading to him or letting him listen to audio books.

Thank you PP. He has asked me a few times to sign him up for beast academy and let him play prodigy games. Should I enroll him and let him do that? I think he is interested in doing national math competition, but I am not sure if I want him to go down that route. What is the pro and con? I would rather him kicking some ball and sweating outdoor and drilling on math questions at home, and it seems unhealthy and geeky.

His reading and comprehension is currently above 2 grade level. English is not my first language & I am not good at reading aloud, really dry/too fast and some wrong pronunciation. We don't own any audio books, and where can I get those or borrow those? He is still working on his writing, spelling and some grammar rules.

His teacher mention that he sometimes talks and fools around in the class, and he sometimes likes to challenge/test teacher boundaries. He is overall a happy and friendly child. However, he has some arrogant attitude that "it is easy" " I knew it" at classroom when teachers are teaching in the class. Teachers know that he is smart and he knew the materials, so they try their best to ignore him when he fools around and attention seeking as long as he sits in his own seat even wiggling. There are some kids need to pay attention to learn the material and curriculum. Last year, he was the kind of kid that knew how to do fraction/multiplication/division when some kids in his class were learning single digit addition/subtraction.

haha whaaat

your kid wants to do math competitions but you don't want him to be a geek, so you'd rather he play soccer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

op here. Then what should I do instead? He thinks that he is smart, and he is motivated by perfectionism and competing with others now. He likes praises and positive encouragement. He sometimes compete with DH at adult level when it comes to knowledge, and of course he lost and cried.

You won't believe me, he was interested in playing sudoku and memorizing map for a few months when he was 5. It was virtual school, so he has nothing better to do and we were busy working. I think other peers at his current grade level is not that challenging enough for him to try or work harder.

You son sounds similar to mine in abilities and interests. Chess has become one great outlet for him (he started at the beginning of the pandemic at 4). He spent most of virtual kindergarten reading and doing logic puzzles. He also studies maps and world capitals in his spare time. It sounds like you do a lot of substantive enrichment, which is great and can be lots of fun.

But I think it is important for kids to lose and learn to be okay with it. Find things he likes but isn't good at immediately. Talk about productive struggle. We played a lot of games with my son starting in preK but had zero tolerance for whinging and bad sportsmanship.

As another poster said, focus praise and reward on growth/effort instead of ability. My son knows he is smart and school is a struggle because things come easily, but we are firm with him about process- just because he memorized a set of words or can do math quickly in his head, he still has to be able to explain how he knows the answer and what it really means. It isn't always fun and he complains about school daily, but we know we have to be engaged with him and his teacher so he isn't being disruptive or resting on his laurels. We find the things that are most challenging (for him it is creative writing) and we spend time on that at home.

Competition is healthy, but perfectionism can lead to some really dark places down the line, so I'd be very careful in just letting that mindset drive him.

[Anonymous]

There’s nothing wrong with being a geek if it’s what he loves. Let him do math enrichment (extensions not accelerations) and try to work math and science into physical activities if you can. There’s a lot of physics and geometry in sports! Read up on it yourself, or find books for him (I’m sure people here can recommend) and try out the experiments outdoors.

You can download the Libby app and plug into the audiobooks at your local library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

op here. Then what should I do instead? He thinks that he is smart, and he is motivated by perfectionism and competing with others now. He likes praises and positive encouragement. He sometimes compete with DH at adult level when it comes to knowledge, and of course he lost and cried.

You won't believe me, he was interested in playing sudoku and memorizing map for a few months when he was 5. It was virtual school, so he has nothing better to do and we were busy working. I think other peers at his current grade level is not that challenging enough for him to try or work harder.

I believe you, I have a kid who enjoys math a ton and is doing math competitions for fun.

You need to focus on his behavior. If he is a handful now and you don't do anything to improve his behavior he is going to struggle in school. And if he is perfectionist who gets upset at being wrong then you need to find a way to help him get a handle on that. It is not healthy for him in school because there will be material he does not get 100% correct and there are going to be people smarter then him. What have the Teachers said about his behavior? What conversations have you had about correcting his behavior?

There are ways to supplement that are fun and not necessarily moving him ahead. Play math games, let him do sudoku, find things that engage him. But you should be reading to him or letting him listen to audio books.

Thank you PP. He has asked me a few times to sign him up for beast academy and let him play prodigy games. Should I enroll him and let him do that? I think he is interested in doing national math competition, but I am not sure if I want him to go down that route. What is the pro and con? I would rather him kicking some ball and sweating outdoor and drilling on math questions at home, and it seems unhealthy and geeky.

His reading and comprehension is currently above 2 grade level. English is not my first language & I am not good at reading aloud, really dry/too fast and some wrong pronunciation. We don't own any audio books, and where can I get those or borrow those? He is still working on his writing, spelling and some grammar rules.

His teacher mention that he sometimes talks and fools around in the class, and he sometimes likes to challenge/test teacher boundaries. He is overall a happy and friendly child. However, he has some arrogant attitude that "it is easy" " I knew it" at classroom when teachers are teaching in the class. Teachers know that he is smart and he knew the materials, so they try their best to ignore him when he fools around and attention seeking as long as he sits in his own seat even wiggling. There are some kids need to pay attention to learn the material and curriculum. Last year, he was the kind of kid that knew how to do fraction/multiplication/division when some kids in his class were learning single digit addition/subtraction.

haha whaaat

your kid wants to do math competitions but you don't want him to be a geek, so you'd rather he play soccer?

op here. I came from a culture that I don't really have childhood, and it's always studying and preparing for quizzes/exams/homework and go between private tutors/centers since I was little. There were minimal play time and sports because if I don't do well in my class ranking, I would have been got kicked out from my current school or current school system under age 18. We do national exam and many kids/parents cry at the exam result announcement date because we are competing within & outside of school. I admit I am not as smart as my son, but I did okay on academic because I studied hard every day. I am quite good at math and art.

That is why I would rather my son to kick ball and play hard outdoor. Sweating and getting a good tan is healthy & fun. I think that's what childhood is, enjoys it when he can at this young age. DH does not understand me, and he says that why all people that he knows coming from my country stresses on academic, and unlike me, trying to push sports and art/music that he is not really interested much & not good at.

My boy is getting an advantage and doing great now, that is why do I don't understand why I have to stress and spend too much time/money/effort on his academic. I don't think academic means everything. I do agree that his behavior/attitude/study habit needs to be worked on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing wrong with being a geek if it’s what he loves. Let him do math enrichment (extensions not accelerations) and try to work math and science into physical activities if you can. There’s a lot of physics and geometry in sports! Read up on it yourself, or find books for him (I’m sure people here can recommend) and try out the experiments outdoors.

You can download the Libby app and plug into the audiobooks at your local library.

Thank you, and I will look into Libby app. I think beast academy and prodigy games are considered acceleration, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

op here. Then what should I do instead? He thinks that he is smart, and he is motivated by perfectionism and competing with others now. He likes praises and positive encouragement. He sometimes compete with DH at adult level when it comes to knowledge, and of course he lost and cried.

You won't believe me, he was interested in playing sudoku and memorizing map for a few months when he was 5. It was virtual school, so he has nothing better to do and we were busy working. I think other peers at his current grade level is not that challenging enough for him to try or work harder.

You son sounds similar to mine in abilities and interests. Chess has become one great outlet for him (he started at the beginning of the pandemic at 4). He spent most of virtual kindergarten reading and doing logic puzzles. He also studies maps and world capitals in his spare time. It sounds like you do a lot of substantive enrichment, which is great and can be lots of fun.

But I think it is important for kids to lose and learn to be okay with it. Find things he likes but isn't good at immediately. Talk about productive struggle. We played a lot of games with my son starting in preK but had zero tolerance for whinging and bad sportsmanship.

As another poster said, focus praise and reward on growth/effort instead of ability. My son knows he is smart and school is a struggle because things come easily, but we are firm with him about process- just because he memorized a set of words or can do math quickly in his head, he still has to be able to explain how he knows the answer and what it really means. It isn't always fun and he complains about school daily, but we know we have to be engaged with him and his teacher so he isn't being disruptive or resting on his laurels. We find the things that are most challenging (for him it is creative writing) and we spend time on that at home.

Competition is healthy, but perfectionism can lead to some really dark places down the line, so I'd be very careful in just letting that mindset drive him.

Many helpful tips, and thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

op here. Then what should I do instead? He thinks that he is smart, and he is motivated by perfectionism and competing with others now. He likes praises and positive encouragement. He sometimes compete with DH at adult level when it comes to knowledge, and of course he lost and cried.

You won't believe me, he was interested in playing sudoku and memorizing map for a few months when he was 5. It was virtual school, so he has nothing better to do and we were busy working. I think other peers at his current grade level is not that challenging enough for him to try or work harder.

I believe you, I have a kid who enjoys math a ton and is doing math competitions for fun.

You need to focus on his behavior. If he is a handful now and you don't do anything to improve his behavior he is going to struggle in school. And if he is perfectionist who gets upset at being wrong then you need to find a way to help him get a handle on that. It is not healthy for him in school because there will be material he does not get 100% correct and there are going to be people smarter then him. What have the Teachers said about his behavior? What conversations have you had about correcting his behavior?

There are ways to supplement that are fun and not necessarily moving him ahead. Play math games, let him do sudoku, find things that engage him. But you should be reading to him or letting him listen to audio books.

Thank you PP. He has asked me a few times to sign him up for beast academy and let him play prodigy games. Should I enroll him and let him do that? I think he is interested in doing national math competition, but I am not sure if I want him to go down that route. What is the pro and con? I would rather him kicking some ball and sweating outdoor and drilling on math questions at home, and it seems unhealthy and geeky.

His reading and comprehension is currently above 2 grade level. English is not my first language & I am not good at reading aloud, really dry/too fast and some wrong pronunciation. We don't own any audio books, and where can I get those or borrow those? He is still working on his writing, spelling and some grammar rules.

His teacher mention that he sometimes talks and fools around in the class, and he sometimes likes to challenge/test teacher boundaries. He is overall a happy and friendly child. However, he has some arrogant attitude that "it is easy" " I knew it" at classroom when teachers are teaching in the class. Teachers know that he is smart and he knew the materials, so they try their best to ignore him when he fools around and attention seeking as long as he sits in his own seat even wiggling. There are some kids need to pay attention to learn the material and curriculum. Last year, he was the kind of kid that knew how to do fraction/multiplication/division when some kids in his class were learning single digit addition/subtraction.

My DS knows that he is in trouble if I hear him saying that his work is too easy at school or bragging about test scores. He is ahead and he finishes his work early. I have shared with him how it hurt me to hear other kids saying that work was easy and boring and why can't we go faster because I was the kid who was struggling. I don't think my peers were trying to hurt my feelings but the comments did hurt. I remind him that while I struggled in ES, I earned my PhD as an adult. But the comments of my peers and Teachers from 40 some years ago still sting. It is something that I am working on but it is important for him to know that innocent comments and bragging can hurt classmates. We are proud of the work he does and how well he is doing. It is good for him to feel good about his work and what he is doing but bragging about it or complaining out loud in class about work is not acceptable. It is disrespectful to his Teachers and to classmates who are struggling.

Eventually your child is going to struggle with something and they are not going to like it if other kids or adults rub it in that he is struggling, intentionally or unintentionally. He also sounds like a know it all and that is not a kid who ends up well liked.

DS does RSM, the class and math competition team, because he likes math and he needs to be challenged. We allow it because we want him to keep enjoying math. We also remind him that the work he is doing at school is important to practice and become fluent in. So while the math as school is not challenging, it is important for him to fully understand the concepts and practice the execution. The fluency is important in his math competitions and will be important in higher level math because it will allow him to solve problems more easily. But you only get really good at something when you practice. The work his Teacher assigns is practice and we expect it to be completed properly and without distracting other kids.

DS loves math competitions and we have no problem with that. They are a different type of challenge and are fun for him to do. They can also be humbling, which is actually an important lesson to be learned. DS does well in them but he doesn't always get a perfect score, which is totally fine, it gives him something to shoot for. One of the reasons I liked AoPS and RSM is that they emphasize to the kids that it is ok to not understand something or to get a problem wrong and to ask for help. We did AoPS one year and the Teachers aimed for at least one question in class that they knew no one would be able to get right. They did that so that all the kids had to ask for help. RSM seems to have a similar philosophy.

He does play a sport each season, we think activity is important and he enjoys sports. He is also very average in most sports so it is helpful for him to enjoy doing something that he is not the best at. We focus on his growth in the sport and having fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be balance in all things. There is no need to force your kid further and further above grade level, but that's not the only type of academic enrichment you can pursue. Find your kid's interests and work from there.

But if you signal to your kid that you don't value/care about education by not engaging with them or their teachers, he isn't likely not to do so either. When his early learning advantages start evening out, he may lack the interest, skills and work ethic to keep up in the future. Being motivated by perfectionism and competing with others isn't necessarily sustainable or healthy for self-esteem in the long run.

op here. Then what should I do instead? He thinks that he is smart, and he is motivated by perfectionism and competing with others now. He likes praises and positive encouragement. He sometimes compete with DH at adult level when it comes to knowledge, and of course he lost and cried.

You won't believe me, he was interested in playing sudoku and memorizing map for a few months when he was 5. It was virtual school, so he has nothing better to do and we were busy working. I think other peers at his current grade level is not that challenging enough for him to try or work harder.

I believe you, I have a kid who enjoys math a ton and is doing math competitions for fun.

You need to focus on his behavior. If he is a handful now and you don't do anything to improve his behavior he is going to struggle in school. And if he is perfectionist who gets upset at being wrong then you need to find a way to help him get a handle on that. It is not healthy for him in school because there will be material he does not get 100% correct and there are going to be people smarter then him. What have the Teachers said about his behavior? What conversations have you had about correcting his behavior?

There are ways to supplement that are fun and not necessarily moving him ahead. Play math games, let him do sudoku, find things that engage him. But you should be reading to him or letting him listen to audio books.

Thank you PP. He has asked me a few times to sign him up for beast academy and let him play prodigy games. Should I enroll him and let him do that? I think he is interested in doing national math competition, but I am not sure if I want him to go down that route. What is the pro and con? I would rather him kicking some ball and sweating outdoor and drilling on math questions at home, and it seems unhealthy and geeky.

His reading and comprehension is currently above 2 grade level. English is not my first language & I am not good at reading aloud, really dry/too fast and some wrong pronunciation. We don't own any audio books, and where can I get those or borrow those? He is still working on his writing, spelling and some grammar rules.

His teacher mention that he sometimes talks and fools around in the class, and he sometimes likes to challenge/test teacher boundaries. He is overall a happy and friendly child. However, he has some arrogant attitude that "it is easy" " I knew it" at classroom when teachers are teaching in the class. Teachers know that he is smart and he knew the materials, so they try their best to ignore him when he fools around and attention seeking as long as he sits in his own seat even wiggling. There are some kids need to pay attention to learn the material and curriculum. Last year, he was the kind of kid that knew how to do fraction/multiplication/division when some kids in his class were learning single digit addition/subtraction.

haha whaaat

your kid wants to do math competitions but you don't want him to be a geek, so you'd rather he play soccer?

op here. I came from a culture that I don't really have childhood, and it's always studying and preparing for quizzes/exams/homework and go between private tutors/centers since I was little. There were minimal play time and sports because if I don't do well in my class ranking, I would have been got kicked out from my current school or current school system under age 18. We do national exam and many kids/parents cry at the exam result announcement date because we are competing within & outside of school. I admit I am not as smart as my son, but I did okay on academic because I studied hard every day. I am quite good at math and art.

That is why I would rather my son to kick ball and play hard outdoor. Sweating and getting a good tan is healthy & fun. I think that's what childhood is, enjoys it when he can at this young age. DH does not understand me, and he says that why all people that he knows coming from my country stresses on academic, and unlike me, trying to push sports and art/music that he is not really interested much & not good at.

My boy is getting an advantage and doing great now, that is why do I don't understand why I have to stress and spend too much time/money/effort on his academic. I don't think academic means everything. I do agree that his behavior/attitude/study habit needs to be worked on.

you are swinging too far in the opposite direction.

[Anonymous]

Since he's competitive, I'd get him into chess tournaments or mathcounts (math competitions). And otherwise, just read to him (for fun). This is what we do. Our kids are also smart, and compared to many parents in this area, we are pretty hands off. They play a lot and I'm kinda liberal with screentime, so long as hw/practices/chores are done. But I think it's important to at least pay enough attention to know where he is being grossly unchallenged - and try to fill in the gaps there. Otherwise, he'll never learn to work hard.