How to leave a volunteer position

[Anonymous]

I feel terrible. I signed up with the best of intentions to be part of a program for adults in need -- maybe they have some mental health issues, or executive function challenges, or are lonely and need support.

My pairing isn't working out. I feel resentful every time I have to spend time with them because there's so much else I need to do, from grocery shopping to shuttling my own kids place to place. We don't really click. It's hard to schedule time, and when we do have something, I'll have a work issue come up, or it will begin pouring (we stick mainly to outdoors due to COVID), etc.

The issue is, I don't want to look bad in the eyes of the volunteer org., where I have close ties. I am not sure what to do. Advice?

[Anonymous]

When you say pairing are you meaning a specific SN individual you have been paired with?

How long have you been doing this? How many times have you met with the individual?

I'd say if it's only been a few times then you need to suck it up and give it more time. Not sure what your expectations were/are but volunteering isn't a trip to a theme park.

If you are feeling resentful then you probably aren't cut out for this kind of volunteer work. So be it. Then tell the organization that so they can find someone who is.

That's a much better outcome than faking your care and interest in a lonely or special needs person who needs help and a friendly presence in their lives.

[Anonymous]

OP do you want to be paired with someone different, or do you want to drop out of the program? Is the time period for the pairing indefinite?

[Anonymous]

You treat it like any other professional setting, and quit in a manner that affords them some time to replace you. Just like in a job, two weeks notice would be appreciated if your commitment is weekly. If you know anyone who would be of a benefit to the organization, you could make a referral.

It’s too bad that you volunteered, when it seems to be all about you, because it should be all about helping the other people. I guess that ship has sailed though. Please don’t volunteer again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You treat it like any other professional setting, and quit in a manner that affords them some time to replace you. Just like in a job, two weeks notice would be appreciated if your commitment is weekly. If you know anyone who would be of a benefit to the organization, you could make a referral.

It’s too bad that you volunteered, when it seems to be all about you, because it should be all about helping the other people. I guess that ship has sailed though. Please don’t volunteer again.

Wow, you seem harsh. I am a volunteer for many organizations and give generously of my time. I'm also a person who has other commitments including young kids. My "match" is hard to reach by email and phone. It is hard to schedule things with them. We are in a pandemic, making outdoor activities preferable yet weather-dependent. I'm wondering why you felt the need to be so needlessly harsh. It's all about the match, which isn't working out, and for volunteer relationships to flourish and sustain, which I'm sure you must realize, both parties need to get something out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You treat it like any other professional setting, and quit in a manner that affords them some time to replace you. Just like in a job, two weeks notice would be appreciated if your commitment is weekly. If you know anyone who would be of a benefit to the organization, you could make a referral.

It’s too bad that you volunteered, when it seems to be all about you, because it should be all about helping the other people. I guess that ship has sailed though. Please don’t volunteer again.

...Any social worker or actual professional in the field would tell you that successful volunteer programs are a two-way street; it's based on mutual benefit, momentum, camaraderie. The volunteer and the beneficiary derive something from it. That's how it works.

[Anonymous]

Is there someone you trust in that organization who can give you some advice on how to engage your charge? Can you ask whether you can switch? If you really don't think this is going to work, you have to be warn them in advance so they can find someone else.

I ran a popular program for my children's elementary, and found my replacement before leaving. It took a year, but I didn't want to leave the school in the lurch.

[Anonymous]

Just ask to be placed with a different person. It's best for both of you. No way I would volunteer if I was experiencing compassion fatigue. It shouldn't interfere with your life outside of work.

[Anonymous]

As the parent of a SN young adult who participates in a similar program, I beg you to consider how your departure will affect your partner. My kid has dealt with a lifetime of rejection and missed social opportunities due to her autism. Why would you sign up for a program designed to help those that struggle and then back out as soon as it gets hard? Can't you fake enjoyment for a couple of hours a month?
If you back out, come up with a great excuse why you can't do it anymore, provide a time of transition, and know that you're probably leaving your partner scarred from yet another rejection. Don't ever volunteer for something that involves this sort of personal relationship again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the parent of a SN young adult who participates in a similar program, I beg you to consider how your departure will affect your partner. My kid has dealt with a lifetime of rejection and missed social opportunities due to her autism. Why would you sign up for a program designed to help those that struggle and then back out as soon as it gets hard? Can't you fake enjoyment for a couple of hours a month?
If you back out, come up with a great excuse why you can't do it anymore, provide a time of transition, and know that you're probably leaving your partner scarred from yet another rejection. Don't ever volunteer for something that involves this sort of personal relationship again.

I am sorry for what you or your child have gone through. But with respect, I am the OP and have volunteered in this kind of role for decades. This particular partnership is difficult to schedule for a host of reasons, leading me to contemplate finding a way to make a gracious exit. The person's window of availability seems to coincide with when my kids have stuff going on. She is hard to reach. COVID has been a factor. I really don't appreciate you telling me, or any kindhearted volunteer who gives of their time for free, that they are leaving someone "scarred" when we're doing things out of the goodness of our hearts, as if that is some kind of guilt-trip threat. We are allowed to have lives, conflicts, and to make changes if we need to.

You have no idea what the parameters of the commitment are, either, so suggesting someone "fake enjoyment" for a couple hours a month misunderstands the role and is also an insult to volunteers overall, as well as to the people in the program. The entire point of such a relationship is genuine kindness, not some kind of inauthentic fakery designed to reduce rejection. I'm not "faking" it.

More to the point, it's important to frame life changes and transitions as a natural part of life: not rejection. Resilience matters. Routinely flaking on someone or ditching them with no warning? Scarring and unacceptable. Transitioning away from a relationship that no longer works? It's life. Why on earth would you want to frame it as a rejection, when you could put it in a far more positive light -- it happens to everyone???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You treat it like any other professional setting, and quit in a manner that affords them some time to replace you. Just like in a job, two weeks notice would be appreciated if your commitment is weekly. If you know anyone who would be of a benefit to the organization, you could make a referral.

It’s too bad that you volunteered, when it seems to be all about you, because it should be all about helping the other people. I guess that ship has sailed though. Please don’t volunteer again.

Wow, you seem harsh. I am a volunteer for many organizations and give generously of my time. I'm also a person who has other commitments including young kids. My "match" is hard to reach by email and phone. It is hard to schedule things with them. We are in a pandemic, making outdoor activities preferable yet weather-dependent. I'm wondering why you felt the need to be so needlessly harsh. It's all about the match, which isn't working out, and for volunteer relationships to flourish and sustain, which I'm sure you must realize, both parties need to get something out of it.

DP. Maybe that applies to you because you obviously are expecting something out of it for yourself. Most volunteers are in it to help others, support their communities/causes and give back in some way.

I do volunteer work checking on people who are essentially comatose but need volunteers to make sure they are being properly cared for. I don't get so much as an eyelash bat from most of them. I do it because I think it's important to care for our most vulnerable population, not because I am looking for an easy way to get accolades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You treat it like any other professional setting, and quit in a manner that affords them some time to replace you. Just like in a job, two weeks notice would be appreciated if your commitment is weekly. If you know anyone who would be of a benefit to the organization, you could make a referral.

It’s too bad that you volunteered, when it seems to be all about you, because it should be all about helping the other people. I guess that ship has sailed though. Please don’t volunteer again.

Wow, you seem harsh. I am a volunteer for many organizations and give generously of my time. I'm also a person who has other commitments including young kids. My "match" is hard to reach by email and phone. It is hard to schedule things with them. We are in a pandemic, making outdoor activities preferable yet weather-dependent. I'm wondering why you felt the need to be so needlessly harsh. It's all about the match, which isn't working out, and for volunteer relationships to flourish and sustain, which I'm sure you must realize, both parties need to get something out of it.

DP. Maybe that applies to you because you obviously are expecting something out of it for yourself. Most volunteers are in it to help others, support their communities/causes and give back in some way.

I do volunteer work checking on people who are essentially comatose but need volunteers to make sure they are being properly cared for. I don't get so much as an eyelash bat from most of them. I do it because I think it's important to care for our most vulnerable population, not because I am looking for an easy way to get accolades.

I think you misunderstand: You do it because it brings you fulfillment to help the vulnerable, right? You're not doing it begrudgingly because someone told you to; you're doing it because you derive satisfaction from it. You get something out of it.

[Anonymous]

Be professional to the org and kind to the client and explain it is not working with your schedule. Give them 2-3 weeks notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You treat it like any other professional setting, and quit in a manner that affords them some time to replace you. Just like in a job, two weeks notice would be appreciated if your commitment is weekly. If you know anyone who would be of a benefit to the organization, you could make a referral.

It’s too bad that you volunteered, when it seems to be all about you, because it should be all about helping the other people. I guess that ship has sailed though. Please don’t volunteer again.

Wow, you seem harsh. I am a volunteer for many organizations and give generously of my time. I'm also a person who has other commitments including young kids. My "match" is hard to reach by email and phone. It is hard to schedule things with them. We are in a pandemic, making outdoor activities preferable yet weather-dependent. I'm wondering why you felt the need to be so needlessly harsh. It's all about the match, which isn't working out, and for volunteer relationships to flourish and sustain, which I'm sure you must realize, both parties need to get something out of it.

DP. Maybe that applies to you because you obviously are expecting something out of it for yourself. Most volunteers are in it to help others, support their communities/causes and give back in some way.

I do volunteer work checking on people who are essentially comatose but need volunteers to make sure they are being properly cared for. I don't get so much as an eyelash bat from most of them. I do it because I think it's important to care for our most vulnerable population, not because I am looking for an easy way to get accolades.

I think you misunderstand: You do it because it brings you fulfillment to help the vulnerable, right? You're not doing it begrudgingly because someone told you to; you're doing it because you derive satisfaction from it. You get something out of it.

OP said:

How to leave a volunteer position.

I feel resentful every time I have to spend time with them

I don't want to look bad in the eyes of the volunteer org

Enough said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You treat it like any other professional setting, and quit in a manner that affords them some time to replace you. Just like in a job, two weeks notice would be appreciated if your commitment is weekly. If you know anyone who would be of a benefit to the organization, you could make a referral.

It’s too bad that you volunteered, when it seems to be all about you, because it should be all about helping the other people. I guess that ship has sailed though. Please don’t volunteer again.

Wow, you seem harsh. I am a volunteer for many organizations and give generously of my time. I'm also a person who has other commitments including young kids. My "match" is hard to reach by email and phone. It is hard to schedule things with them. We are in a pandemic, making outdoor activities preferable yet weather-dependent. I'm wondering why you felt the need to be so needlessly harsh. It's all about the match, which isn't working out, and for volunteer relationships to flourish and sustain, which I'm sure you must realize, both parties need to get something out of it.

DP. Maybe that applies to you because you obviously are expecting something out of it for yourself. Most volunteers are in it to help others, support their communities/causes and give back in some way.

I do volunteer work checking on people who are essentially comatose but need volunteers to make sure they are being properly cared for. I don't get so much as an eyelash bat from most of them. I do it because I think it's important to care for our most vulnerable population, not because I am looking for an easy way to get accolades.

I think you misunderstand: You do it because it brings you fulfillment to help the vulnerable, right? You're not doing it begrudgingly because someone told you to; you're doing it because you derive satisfaction from it. You get something out of it.

OP said:

How to leave a volunteer position.

I feel resentful every time I have to spend time with them

I don't want to look bad in the eyes of the volunteer org

Enough said.

Uh, what does that have to do with wanting accolades?