S/o 5yo parties - what do I do if I am a “big tent” person

[Anonymous]

I am trying to balance between being inclusive vs. not overwhelming my DD. There are so many people to invite - preschool friends, neighborhood friends, cousins, my friends’ kids. I love all of them and don’t want to leave anyone out. All are close enough in age that they can play together. Should I have several small parties, or just one big blowout? Planning to host at home.

[Anonymous]

I’ve done smaller events. Family stuff one day, kid party on a different day. This year my kid will be 10 and I’m doing two kid events too.

[Anonymous]

I'd go with two smaller parties, but I'm also speaking as a mom of an introvert. For our son's 5th birthday party, he had a good time but told me later: "Next year, I hope not as many people come."

Also: I wouldn't invite your friends' kids. Have one family party and one party with a few school friends.

[Anonymous]

Your DDs birthday should be about her and her birthday, not who you love and want to impress.

Let her pick who she wants for her birthday. Have a separate family dinner if that suits you.

Host a separate open house type event if you just want to entertain people.

[Anonymous]

Smaller parties. Don't mix family and preschool friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DDs birthday should be about her and her birthday, not who you love and want to impress.

Let her pick who she wants for her birthday. Have a separate family dinner if that suits you.

Host a separate open house type event if you just want to entertain people.

+1. I think it's great that you're so open-hearted, OP, but since you mention being worried about overwhelming your DD I would say you should make that (and respecting other wishes she may have) your primary goal for her birthday party.

[Anonymous]

As long as everyone invited has someone to hang with other than you / your DD, a big bash could be fine. But if everyone is looking to DD to play with them it's a lot to navigate for a little kid. Even my super extrovert struggles with this, so we broke it up into two events this year (and still didn't invite everyone). Ask your DD what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Also keep in mind that even if these people all like you and your DD, not everyone is thrilled to receive an invite for a kid’s birthday party if they don’t know the kid that well. Instead of feeling honored to be included, they may just feel obligated and awkward to attend a kid’s party where they might not know everyone.

Id think critically about whether you need to invite everyone you know with a kid in this age group. What we did for age 5 was invite the kids our DD referred to/thought of as friends. Which included three kids from preschool (class of 20), and about 5 families with close-in-age kids who she sees often enough to feel like they are friends. Some of the families have two kids, so altogether it was 10 kids plus their grownups. Still a “big” party fir a young kid, I feel, but I also feel confident that the families were all excited to come and not doing do out of obligation. I do always stress a bit about excluding a kid from class, but at 5 they are still young enough that this isn’t a huge deal. All the kids in class have buddies who they might to play dates with outside of school.I just don’t think inviting the whole class is necessary or even welcome.

[Anonymous]

My daughter just turned 5 and we had 3 parties - 1 class party, 1 family friend party and 1 little party with grandparents.

I will most likely do the same next year - invite her class, family friend and then do cake with grandparents.

I have older kids and we just do one friend party. They invite just their friends. We also do cake with grandparents but i don’t consider this a party.

[Anonymous]

You prioritize your child, because they are your CHILD and it's THEIR BIRTHDAY. What would the child be happiest with? Do that.

[Anonymous]

By 5 years old you don’t need to invite your friends whose kids aren’t friends with your daughter. This is about your daughter and her birthday not about you.

[Anonymous]

OP here: my DD knows and loves all of the people on my list. We usually hang out with cousins once a month, my friends and their kids once a month. She sees her preschool classmates and neighborhood friends on the weekdays. She plays well with all of them. So she would want all of those people around, but I think all at once would be overwhelming. I will go with the suggestion of two smaller parties. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By 5 years old you don’t need to invite your friends whose kids aren’t friends with your daughter. This is about your daughter and her birthday not about you.

I posted above that we had 3 parties. I only invited a few family friends whose kids are friends with my 5yo. The class party was for my daughter. The family friend party was for her and us. Cake with grandparents is purely for grandparents.

I have 2 older boys and we used to have a giant family friend party. This was when they were young, like toddlers and preschool.

[Anonymous]

We had one big blowout with everyone! DS isn’t shy or easily overwhelmed and he just did his thing. We had close to a hundred people!! Everyone was invited and without restrictions on siblings. Grandparents, aunts, cousins, nanny, nanny’s former family, DS’s entire class - everyone. We hired kid band, had good food, and everyone had a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You prioritize your child, because they are your CHILD and it's THEIR BIRTHDAY. What would the child be happiest with? Do that.

Agree with this. At 1, the party is for you. By 5, the party should be about what your kid wants.