Is this weird? (asking questions about who you have been with)
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Anonymous
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I met a man (healthcare worker) right before COVID. I stopped seeing him because of COVID. I ended up seeing him once last year. He wanted to see me more but it never worked out due to a work emergency (common in his work). He reached out late last year to see me and a few months ago but our schedules did not align. He asked me again recently if I wanted to see him again and I said yes. This is someone I would have wanted a serious relationship with when I was younger (I am early-40s and divorced with two kids). He is a few years younger. He told me when we first met he wished we had met younger because he said I was what he was looking for with marriage material.
Anyway, I saw him recently and beforehand just to avoid any questions (since it has been 14 months since I saw him), I said I had been tested recently to be safe. He asked if had been with anyone and I said yes. He said he was curious and would want to know about it. I said I did not want to talk about it. I saw him and it was nice, but he still asked questions (how old was he? what was his job? how did it end?). It bothered me. I asked him why he wanted to know. He said because he wanted to know all of me and that is part of my story. Maybe he just wanted to know it was over? Was that why? I don't get it. He has a crazy busy job. He wants to keep seeing me again, but I do not want to do a thing where I don't see him for months or a year or whatever. (Rarely is okay...I am not interested in a normal boyfriend-girlfriend relationship when people see each other all the time...I am too busy for that myself). I like him, but I did think it was weird about the questions about another relationship when I was not seeing him. Am I weird or is he weird? |
Anonymous
| Some guys have this weird retroactive jealousy thing; I don’t understand it but maybe that’s what he’s doing here. |
Anonymous
More like, 99% of guys don't want to be with a woman who is with another man. |
Anonymous
OP here: No man has ever asked these invasive questions...I had not seen the guy in 14 months. Surely, he did not think I was going to wait around. I thought he had lost interest. He said it was just work. Anyway, that guy is over but quite frankly, unless I am someone's actual girlfriend, no one has a right to expect exclusivity. I have recent test results. There should have been no questions. My exHusband never even asked me questions like this. I did not ask him anything about what he has done or not done in the last 14 months. I expected he was with someone else. I should not have said anything but I thought by mentioning the all clear for health stuff that it would avoid any in-person questions. It did not. Lesson learned. Say nothing unless asked and deal with the awkward conversation then. |
Anonymous
| Guy here and it's generally weird. Maybe, possibly the part about why did it end is ok if he thought you were still seeing the guy and he was testing your story but even then probably still weird. |
Anonymous
| Weird. He sounds very insecure. |
Anonymous
That guy got married after we broke up very quickly. But even if that was not the ending, it is not like he and I were in some sort of serious relationship right before COVID. I had seen him about 6 times. I am hoping it is just that he wanted to know that situation ended, but even if that was not the case, he really has no right to ask unless he asks me for exclusivity himself. If this is just going to be casual and extremely rare, cutting off other options would be stupid of me. |
Anonymous
This might be it. Which is weird. This is someone who has no reason to be insecure. He could get whomever he wants. |
Anonymous
| He’s a pervert with a sexual fetish. He is getting off to the idea of you having sex with another man (a fact which you freely volunteered). Hence the “morbid curiosity” and him being okay with seeing you again. Abort, abort, abort. |
Anonymous
That seems weird. I had not seen this man for 14 months. In what world would I not have had sex with someone else if single and attractive? I freely volunteered it to avoid questions because I assume someone might ask when it’s been 14 months and I did not want to talk about it in person. He did not ask about the details of the sex. He asked about the details of who it was, how old they were, what work they did—almost like sizing up competition. |
Anonymous
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I don't think it's weird to ask if you're seeing someone or are sexually active with someone else or multiple someone else. He should also be asking for you two to get tested if you're going to be having sex and about protection and birth control.
These things aren't weird. Weird is asking for specific numbers or details |
Anonymous
I mean, it’s weird that you had an initial conversation via text/phone—And then days later! It continued and he asked even more questions when you saw him in person. Very much weirdo/creep energy. |
Anonymous
I told him via text before I saw him that I had been tested and all good (to avoid the entire conversation). |
Anonymous
| Aren’t you old enough to figure this out on your own? How are you a parent? |
Anonymous
| I had seen a guy for a couple months, casually and long distance, but then didn’t see him for 2 years because of Covid. We talked all on the phone and via text? though. When I finally saw him again it came up that I’d dated someone casually during lockdown and he was really jealous and asked what he did, etc. Now we’re not even friends., |