Emotional disconnect from sex

[Anonymous]

My husband is sweet, attractive, funny and a great dad. He is a friendly neighbor and conversational dad on the sidelines during games. I respect him a lot and we have a great partnership. But in the bedroom, he is all about just getting off. Very little foreplay and zero intimacy during the act. His objective is to get us both off as quick possible- always me first and then himself right after. After 14 years… I’m bored and finding myself uninterested in sex. He will just directly say “can we have sex?”. That’s as creative as the intimation gets. I’m so attracted to him in other ways but our sex life leaves so much to be desired.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a question?

[Anonymous]

I guess my question is “has anyone else fallen into this pattern and turned it around?”

[Anonymous]

Have you tried talking to him about it? Have you told him your needs and suggested other approaches to intimacy?

[Anonymous]

A friendly neighbor?

Nice one…troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried talking to him about it? Have you told him your needs and suggested other approaches to intimacy?

Maybe have him roleplay that he is your (friendly) neighbor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my question is “has anyone else fallen into this pattern and turned it around?”

Fallen into the pattern for sure. Turned it around, no. But asking you honest question, is there something he could do to make you want to have sex more? I don't think my husband could, it's just the same food, over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried talking to him about it? Have you told him your needs and suggested other approaches to intimacy?

See above. OP, it's hard to address the issues you bring up unless we know if you have talked to him about it. If you've come here before talking to him, are you seeking ideas on how to bring up the subject? If you have talked to him, how did he react and was he open to discussion or insulted or balky or...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is sweet, attractive, funny and a great dad. He is a friendly neighbor and conversational dad on the sidelines during games. I respect him a lot and we have a great partnership. But in the bedroom, he is all about just getting off. Very little foreplay and zero intimacy during the act. His objective is to get us both off as quick possible- always me first and then himself right after. After 14 years… I’m bored and finding myself uninterested in sex. He will just directly say “can we have sex?”. That’s as creative as the intimation gets. I’m so attracted to him in other ways but our sex life leaves so much to be desired.

What's stopping you from creative seduction or planning a sensual evening?

[Anonymous]

Try taking a couples massage class or tantric yoga.

[Anonymous]

Honestly this sounds ideal to me...but I have also said to my DH " I want to see you c**." Direct and down to business works for us

Perhaps I'm reading your post wrong but you don't sound like you're a very active participant . You might enjoy sex more if you a) engage bb) communicate with your husband instead of acting like it's his responsibility alone to make your sex life good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this sounds ideal to me...but I have also said to my DH " I want to see you c**." Direct and down to business works for us

Perhaps I'm reading your post wrong but you don't sound like you're a very active participant . You might enjoy sex more if you a) engage bb) communicate with your husband instead of acting like it's his responsibility alone to make your sex life good.

Haha! NP and I thought the same thing!

I am the Formula 1 of sex. Everyone gets orgasms in 10 minutes. Ain’t nobody got time for slow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is sweet, attractive, funny and a great dad. He is a friendly neighbor and conversational dad on the sidelines during games. I respect him a lot and we have a great partnership. But in the bedroom, he is all about just getting off. Very little foreplay and zero intimacy during the act. His objective is to get us both off as quick possible- always me first and then himself right after. After 14 years… I’m bored and finding myself uninterested in sex. He will just directly say “can we have sex?”. That’s as creative as the intimation gets. I’m so attracted to him in other ways but our sex life leaves so much to be desired.

OMG. At least after 14 years he's still putting you first. Most men can't even do that consistently. Signed, wife of 17 years.

[Anonymous]

Op - do you know what you want - specifically? L. Are you educating yourself otherwise? Then tell him how important this is to you and set aside a day / night where you are in charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is sweet, attractive, funny and a great dad. He is a friendly neighbor and conversational dad on the sidelines during games. I respect him a lot and we have a great partnership. But in the bedroom, he is all about just getting off. Very little foreplay and zero intimacy during the act. His objective is to get us both off as quick possible- always me first and then himself right after. After 14 years… I’m bored and finding myself uninterested in sex. He will just directly say “can we have sex?”. That’s as creative as the intimation gets. I’m so attracted to him in other ways but our sex life leaves so much to be desired.

There is no problem here.