Private School suicide and cyber bullying lawsuit - Latin School of Chicago

[Anonymous]

https://www.cbsnews.com/chicago/news/15-year-old-boy-cyberbullying-suicide-latin-school-chicago-lawsuit/

The complaint (embedded in news link) here is horrific. Someone in Chicago sent it along.

Anyone know anything?

[Anonymous]

Don’t know anything about that situation but I think they have a good case.

Our pk-12 private school also does very little for bullying, or about hyper & impulsive kids hurting others, or badmouthing.

Recipients of the bad behavior quickly learn that saying Stop does nothing, reporting to a teacher is met with gaslighting (“no, everyone’s a good kid”), and going to the principals office to straighten it out results in a lying He said /She said debacle plus retaliation.

These schools need to have zero tolerance of nasty behavior, especially when there’s a pattern of it. How many separate complaints do they need?!?

I cannot tell you how many times the last 6 mos I’ve run into other parents whose kids are suffering and need to change friends or plot down names they don’t want in next years homeroom.
Then I ask my kid what’s up or what happened and they confirm the 3-4 nightmare examples of bullying they have witnessed. When I say please tell a teacher they refuse. They say that makes everything worse. Sadly, they may be right. They are also in disbelief since they are in a school that touts its social justice, kindness, and inclusivity mantra. And silence to parents.

[Anonymous]

I read the text message strings within the first 40 pages and it’s sad..,the kids wer a little harsh but DB clearly had no social kills and no idea how to respond. A few kids even chimed in to reassure them they weren’t mad at him, that it was all love, etc. it didn’t seem that bad.

I’m heartbroken for the victim’s sister who found him. She was already having a horrible year. From the surface of the complaint, though, I don’t get why the plaintiffs are including her text messages to her mom. She does seem very socially awkward and it’s sad that other kids weren’t friendly to her, but that is different than bullying her.

For a 40k school, you’d think they’d have better mental health and socialization supports in place…at least social skills groups and lunch bunches.

To anyone experiencing anything like this with your child: please do not rely on email. Pick up the phone. Get on someone’s calendar. This is not victim blaming; just an advocacy tip. I’m a school employee and we are deluged with emails. I’m like an emergency room trailer nurse with email. The big, big ones I just can’t tackle right now…then they get buried. It’s not an excuse; just an explanation. If you’re teaching or with students all day, you’re not in front of your inbox all day. In the tiny slivers of time that you have to catch up, that’s a LOT to dump on people.

[Anonymous]

If you don't put it in an email or a text message, there's no proof that you told the school. It's too easy for a counselor to say "oh, that wasn't what was said" or "I thought we agreed to let Nate self advocate."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the text message strings within the first 40 pages and it’s sad..,the kids wer a little harsh but DB clearly had no social kills and no idea how to respond. A few kids even chimed in to reassure them they weren’t mad at him, that it was all love, etc. it didn’t seem that bad.

I’m heartbroken for the victim’s sister who found him. She was already having a horrible year. From the surface of the complaint, though, I don’t get why the plaintiffs are including her text messages to her mom. She does seem very socially awkward and it’s sad that other kids weren’t friendly to her, but that is different than bullying her.

For a 40k school, you’d think they’d have better mental health and socialization supports in place…at least social skills groups and lunch bunches.

To anyone experiencing anything like this with your child: please do not rely on email. Pick up the phone. Get on someone’s calendar. This is not victim blaming; just an advocacy tip. I’m a school employee and we are deluged with emails. I’m like an emergency room trailer nurse with email. The big, big ones I just can’t tackle right now…then they get buried. It’s not an excuse; just an explanation. If you’re teaching or with students all day, you’re not in front of your inbox all day. In the tiny slivers of time that you have to catch up, that’s a LOT to dump on people.

*triage nurse

To be clear, I think they have a strong case against school officials for not informing them when they’re son reported bullying. It’s clear that he didn’t want his mother involved but the desire of a minor to self-advocate does not deimonish the legal requirement to inform a parent.

I think it’s possible that the school sis going to try to claim that the behavior reported did but constitute bullying. The plaintiffs appear to be describing every negative social interaction as “bullying”. Not wanting to hang out with your next door neighbor transfer kid is not bullying. Piecing together the backstory of that text chain about basketball, I seem to understand that at some point the victim did join the JV team, but then had a bad game when the team lost to Parker. At then next time they played Parker, the victim sat with his old teammates, and someone posted under the victim’s account some trash talking of the basketball program. So his team started accusing him of “throwing” their last game. If he sat with their opponents when he’s supposed to be in the team, that’s low,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't put it in an email or a text message, there's no proof that you told the school. It's too easy for a counselor to say "oh, that wasn't what was said" or "I thought we agreed to let Nate self advocate."

I’m all for summarizing after the fact. But don’t dump a massive email dump and expect that someone is going to pick it up and be able to invest the amount of time you just did in it. They have hundreds of students; a parent has one (or two in this case)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the text message strings within the first 40 pages and it’s sad..,the kids wer a little harsh but DB clearly had no social kills and no idea how to respond. A few kids even chimed in to reassure them they weren’t mad at him, that it was all love, etc. it didn’t seem that bad.

I’m heartbroken for the victim’s sister who found him. She was already having a horrible year. From the surface of the complaint, though, I don’t get why the plaintiffs are including her text messages to her mom. She does seem very socially awkward and it’s sad that other kids weren’t friendly to her, but that is different than bullying her.

For a 40k school, you’d think they’d have better mental health and socialization supports in place…at least social skills groups and lunch bunches.

To anyone experiencing anything like this with your child: please do not rely on email. Pick up the phone. Get on someone’s calendar. This is not victim blaming; just an advocacy tip. I’m a school employee and we are deluged with emails. I’m like an emergency room trailer nurse with email. The big, big ones I just can’t tackle right now…then they get buried. It’s not an excuse; just an explanation. If you’re teaching or with students all day, you’re not in front of your inbox all day. In the tiny slivers of time that you have to catch up, that’s a LOT to dump on people.

*triage nurse

To be clear, I think they have a strong case against school officials for not informing them when they’re son reported bullying. It’s clear that he didn’t want his mother involved but the desire of a minor to self-advocate does not deimonish the legal requirement to inform a parent.

I think it’s possible that the school sis going to try to claim that the behavior reported did but constitute bullying. The plaintiffs appear to be describing every negative social interaction as “bullying”. Not wanting to hang out with your next door neighbor transfer kid is not bullying. Piecing together the backstory of that text chain about basketball, I seem to understand that at some point the victim did join the JV team, but then had a bad game when the team lost to Parker. At then next time they played Parker, the victim sat with his old teammates, and someone posted under the victim’s account some trash talking of the basketball program. So his team started accusing him of “throwing” their last game. If he sat with their opponents when he’s supposed to be in the team, that’s low,

…and teammates responding angrily to the provocation is not “bullying” either, in and of itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the text message strings within the first 40 pages and it’s sad..,the kids wer a little harsh but DB clearly had no social kills and no idea how to respond. A few kids even chimed in to reassure them they weren’t mad at him, that it was all love, etc. it didn’t seem that bad.

I’m heartbroken for the victim’s sister who found him. She was already having a horrible year. From the surface of the complaint, though, I don’t get why the plaintiffs are including her text messages to her mom. She does seem very socially awkward and it’s sad that other kids weren’t friendly to her, but that is different than bullying her.

For a 40k school, you’d think they’d have better mental health and socialization supports in place…at least social skills groups and lunch bunches.

To anyone experiencing anything like this with your child: please do not rely on email. Pick up the phone. Get on someone’s calendar. This is not victim blaming; just an advocacy tip. I’m a school employee and we are deluged with emails. I’m like an emergency room trailer nurse with email. The big, big ones I just can’t tackle right now…then they get buried. It’s not an excuse; just an explanation. If you’re teaching or with students all day, you’re not in front of your inbox all day. In the tiny slivers of time that you have to catch up, that’s a LOT to dump on people.

Mental health and social skills are outside things for parents to do. That's not the school responsibility.

[Anonymous]

This is why you need to check your kids text and social media.

[Anonymous]

I am wondering if OP expected more compassion from this forum. That doesn’t pay here. Better to lower your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't put it in an email or a text message, there's no proof that you told the school. It's too easy for a counselor to say "oh, that wasn't what was said" or "I thought we agreed to let Nate self advocate."

This is the classic progressive school response to academic or social issues at school, even with young children.

[Anonymous]

This is the kind of situation where the parents need to immediately pull their kid, dump all social media and have the kid live with a loving family member elsewhere and start school there. The family can relocate or change districts or private schools over the next 1-2 years.

Social media tweets, photos and comments and cyber bullying are instant and incessant.

Sadly a couple families in our neighborhood had to do this after it got to the self harm stage. One parent and the middle schooler moved 2500 miles away to the mountains and extended family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the text message strings within the first 40 pages and it’s sad..,the kids wer a little harsh but DB clearly had no social kills and no idea how to respond. A few kids even chimed in to reassure them they weren’t mad at him, that it was all love, etc. it didn’t seem that bad.

I’m heartbroken for the victim’s sister who found him. She was already having a horrible year. From the surface of the complaint, though, I don’t get why the plaintiffs are including her text messages to her mom. She does seem very socially awkward and it’s sad that other kids weren’t friendly to her, but that is different than bullying her.

For a 40k school, you’d think they’d have better mental health and socialization supports in place…at least social skills groups and lunch bunches.

To anyone experiencing anything like this with your child: please do not rely on email. Pick up the phone. Get on someone’s calendar. This is not victim blaming; just an advocacy tip. I’m a school employee and we are deluged with emails. I’m like an emergency room trailer nurse with email. The big, big ones I just can’t tackle right now…then they get buried. It’s not an excuse; just an explanation. If you’re teaching or with students all day, you’re not in front of your inbox all day. In the tiny slivers of time that you have to catch up, that’s a LOT to dump on people.

Mental health and social skills are outside things for parents to do. That's not the school responsibility.

Agree.

But it IS the school’s duty to have transparency and dialogue with the parents of the minor on coursework or social issues large and small. And certainly reported complaints by the student or others.

[Anonymous]

gosh that is sad.

[Anonymous]

Really horrific. Shouldn’t the school have told the parents what they knew or saw or what the kid reported?

How does this even happen when you pay so much tuition…