Mirage friends
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Anonymous
| What is your take on ‘mirage friends’? Meaning local friends known for a very long time, they keep in touch regularly (no ghosting) but never make a concrete plan to meet up in person? I know I can count on them in case of need but it is annoying to be taken for granted and see they have time and will to meet with ‘newest’ friends |
Anonymous
| If you can count on them in times of genuine need, that's actually a lot better than the person who will meet for lunch or to see a show, but is nowhere to be found when you break your leg, have to leave town on a moment's notice, find out your spouse was cheating, etc. |
Anonymous
One friend turned into a mirage friend during Covid. It got very strange- lots of texting but no plans. Now they’re moving and I doubt I’ll see them again. Some people just want long term penpals I guess. |
Anonymous
| As an introvert, I actually kind of like friends like this. No drama, we support each other, and no pressure to make plans. I like friendship from afar I guess. |
Anonymous
Ditto. I guess I’m a mirage friend to many. |
Anonymous
Same here - those are my favorite friendships. |
Anonymous
| It's called someone goes from being a friend to just an acquaintance. |
Anonymous
quadruplicate. But OP, if you miss your friends make a stronger effort to invite them to do something with you that you know they'll want to do - take a walk, get coffee, drop stuff off at the thrift store. It doesn't matter what. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thank you all for the feedback. It seems that in most cases ‘mirage friends’ are just genuine introvert friends. I am an introvert so sometimes this lack of in person time makes me wonder if (as somebody else stated above) the friendship is slowly switching to acquaintance status.
If you are my mirage friends and stumbled on this post: hey I love you very much the way you are but sometimes a hug is better than 100 text messages 😊 |
Anonymous
| *should be ‘I am an extrovert so..’ |
Anonymous
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I love the term "mirage friends" though I think I would define it differently, and it looks like others might too.
For me this is just a person who says they are a friend and presents as a friend to others, but does not actual engage in any friend activities. So for me, someone who will show up when I really need them and stays in touch via text is not a mirage. That's a real friend. If they are hard to pin down for hangouts, that just means they have specific boundaries and it generally doesn't bother me that much. I can see being hurt if you see on social media that they hang out with other people, but that's just one of a billion reasons I don't go on social media much. I don't need to know my friend likes going out for drinks with someone else but for some reason never does with me. It's just better to keep it a mystery. But I have had mirage friends, usually people I know through work or through a larger social group. These are people who I might see regularly but never on purpose, and come on very strong -- making a beeline for me at a party or always stopping by my office to see if I want to go get coffee with them. They will also behave like a friend in conversation, asking questions about my life, even following up on things I've told them before ("How is your mom doing since the surgery?") and sharing things with me as well. Back when I used to be on social media more, friends like this would be all over my social media -- liking all my stuff, commenting on things, in a very chummy and familiar way that would make it seem to a bystander that we were close friends. But if I ever suggested seeing each other on purpose for literally any reason, be it grabbing drinks or going to a concert, they can't make it. If I'm having a crisis and need help with something, they can't help, sorry. And if I leave that job or stop hanging out with that social group as much (say I stop attending that barre class or I have a baby so I don't go to parties as much), I will literally never see them again. A mirage! Not a real friend. It's odd to me. |
Anonymous
I think it's the other way around with long term friends. I'd never drop a line to an acquaintance about something random after many months, but my friends I do this often and it feels natural. |
Anonymous
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I agree with the PP that the lovely term "mirage friend" would best be used for the person who is friendly on the surface, does friend-like things in the moment, but there's no real depth or permanence to the relationship. It is either situational and convenient or even transactional, and will disappear once the moment is over (move away, drop the class, switch schools, change jobs, etc.). They are friends, but it's temporary and fragile.
True friendship feels different and deeper, even when contact is sparse, due to distance or life getting in the way. |
Anonymous
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I’ve always classified these relationships as acquaintance friends. I’m a hard nut to crack as I have tons of ride or die besties. I’m just not interested in getting to know you intimately as I don’t have that need/time. But, I’m a feeler too and likely genuinely care about you.
I’m the weirdo who surfaces when I realize you may need a more intimate friendship and makes odd social gestures. |
Anonymous
Why? I disagree that you change from friends to acquaintances because you haven't seen each other in person in some time. Are you no longer a capable employee because you are no longer in office? When people were separated for an entire year during Covid did they stop being family? So foolish. |