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[quote=Anonymous]I love the term "mirage friends" though I think I would define it differently, and it looks like others might too.

For me this is just a person who says they are a friend and presents as a friend to others, but does not actual engage in any friend activities. So for me, someone who will show up when I really need them and stays in touch via text is not a mirage. That's a real friend. If they are hard to pin down for hangouts, that just means they have specific boundaries and it generally doesn't bother me that much. I can see being hurt if you see on social media that they hang out with other people, but that's just one of a billion reasons I don't go on social media much. I don't need to know my friend likes going out for drinks with someone else but for some reason never does with me. It's just better to keep it a mystery.

But I have had mirage friends, usually people I know through work or through a larger social group. These are people who I might see regularly but never on purpose, and come on very strong -- making a beeline for me at a party or always stopping by my office to see if I want to go get coffee with them. They will also behave like a friend in conversation, asking questions about my life, even following up on things I've told them before ("How is your mom doing since the surgery?") and sharing things with me as well. Back when I used to be on social media more, friends like this would be all over my social media -- liking all my stuff, commenting on things, in a very chummy and familiar way that would make it seem to a bystander that we were close friends.

But if I ever suggested seeing each other on purpose for literally any reason, be it grabbing drinks or going to a concert, they can't make it. If I'm having a crisis and need help with something, they can't help, sorry. And if I leave that job or stop hanging out with that social group as much (say I stop attending that barre class or I have a baby so I don't go to parties as much), I will literally never see them again. A mirage! Not a real friend. It's odd to me.[/quote]

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