How would you handle this 3yo behavior

[Anonymous]

How would you react in this situation - 3yo intentionally throws hard wooden toy into 5yos head. 5yo in actual pain and screaming his head off. 3yo smiling mischievously.

I know WHY this happened - the 3yo gets jealous and frustrated when his brother is doing something he can’t (at this moment, an obstical course with some harder elements). I’ve built him his own course, was playing catch with him at the time etc…so finding all the ways to give him attention and include him, but he just focuses on what his brother is doing and acts out.

I’ve talked to him about it In calm moments, coached him on what to do instead, etc…but every single day something like this happens bc there is always something that he’s frustrated about. Ive also tried time outs as well as heaping attention on 5yo - none of it has stopped the behavior. I can’t prevent it every time because I have them both alone a lot (so we need to play in same area) and it happens so fast there’s no grabbing him mid throw unless I literally was by his side the whole time not playing at all with the 5yo.

How would you react in the moment and any new ideas beyond what I’m doing to stop it?

[Anonymous]

You’re doing all the right things. One thing I would add is a positive reinforcer. It could be something like every 5 or 10 minutes of safe play, he gets a sticker on a chart and tons of praise.

[Anonymous]

I would put him in time out right there and then. The 3yo needs it and the 5yo needs to know his brother is getting a consequence too.

[Anonymous]

Take away wooden toys from him.

[Anonymous]

Stop engaging in activities that he can’t do, find things they’re both capable of doing

[Anonymous]

What do you do immediately after it happens?

[Anonymous]

You need to give him an immediate time out and supervise your kids better. There is zero excuse for not supervising better and letting one hurt the other.

[Anonymous]

Immediately take away his favorite toy for the rest of the day and calmly remove him from the room where your older child is playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immediately take away his favorite toy for the rest of the day and calmly remove him from the room where your older child is playing.

This. And then give 5 year old a ton of attention and make a big deal about him being hurt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immediately take away his favorite toy for the rest of the day and calmly remove him from the room where your older child is playing.

I would say immediately take away whatever he threw/related toys for the rest of the day or longer if this is a daily occurrence. Only play with soft toys when he’s tired/likely to be in a mood about not doing things. If he complains just calmly say that kids who throw toys don’t get to play with toys that can hurt people. And also make him apologize to his brother in the moment and make a big deal of hugging asking if the older kid is okay. (I know you said you do that already, just re-enforcing that you shouldn’t stop that.)

Also compliment good behavior — when he goes 10 minutes/30 minutes/longer without trying too hurt his brother, tell him how well he’s doing.

[Anonymous]

Time out
Take away whatever type of toy he threw at his brother because things shouldn’t be used to hurt others
Take away the activity provoking the issue - if he can’t play something nicely, he doesn’t get to play again until he can

[Anonymous]

If this is happening daily, I would take away all hard toys for the foreseeable future. Then when he hurts his brother, put him in his room & take away something else like screen time or dessert. 3 yos get frustrated, sure, but a kid harming his sibling every day needs a heavier handed approach in my opinion. Or maybe don’t even let him come near his brother when he’s likely to hurt him for a few days.

[Anonymous]

Also, if he is smiling while his brother cries in pain, he’s more in control of his actions than you think. If he was truly just being impulsive/out of control, he’d be upset, not smiling. He’s enjoying seeing his brother in pain.

[Anonymous]

Immediate and a big-time consequence like no more screen time or no more favorite toy etc.

Positive reinforcement and extra attention is excellent but he also needs a punishment when he does something like hurt his brother.

[Anonymous]

Flame away, but I would take him inside, give a brief but stern reprimanded and explanation of the consequences, and I would turn him over my knee and spank him. I have done this, and when used dispassionately, it is extremely effective.