Parenting toddler fears before talking

[Anonymous]

My 18 month old is afraid of the carpenter bees in our yard. We’ve been talking about them, observing them from a distance, and she’s very into pointing them out in books now and making fear noises. Anyone have good resources about parenting fears? I’ve been naming the fear “bees can be scary” and talking about how the bees are going in their house, the bees are playing, etc. But I’m worried I’m making it worse.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

We only talk about the bees when we’re looking at them but thanks for being so nasty for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

We only talk about the bees when we’re looking at them but thanks for being so nasty for no reason.

I'm so sorry, I wasn't actually trying to be nasty. I thought you were talking about bees when they showed up in books/pointing them out in the back yard/etc based on your post. Since you apparently don't, I'm not sure how calmly comforting your scared child could make things worse? I don't really see a problem with a child being scared of bees tbh; bees can be dangerous (unlike squirrels which are pretty benign). Anyway, sorry again for not tone checking my first response.

[Anonymous]

Teach her that bees don’t usually hurt you unless you scare them. Stop talking to her about the scary bees, teach her why we need bees and all the wonderful things they do. Teach her if one comes near her just to sit perfectly still until it leaves. You’re actually teaching your kid to be scared of them by all this interaction and talk about the scary bees. Teach her how bees make honey, give her some honey to taste but beyond that stop engaging in the constant obsession with bees. You’re definitely making this worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

If you thought this response was nasty op it’s no wonder you’re raising scared children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

We only talk about the bees when we’re looking at them but thanks for being so nasty for no reason.

I'm so sorry, I wasn't actually trying to be nasty. I thought you were talking about bees when they showed up in books/pointing them out in the back yard/etc based on your post. Since you apparently don't, I'm not sure how calmly comforting your scared child could make things worse? I don't really see a problem with a child being scared of bees tbh; bees can be dangerous (unlike squirrels which are pretty benign). Anyway, sorry again for not tone checking my first response.

I don’t think your tone was nasty and you provided good advice.
OP, I think it’s fine to name the fear but I also think you should make sure not to dwell (not saying you are, because there’s no way for me to know) because sometimes spending too much time validating can make the child believe a disproportionate fear is reasonable. Tell her that carpenter bees don’t sting and the best thing you can do around here is be still.
I’d also look into removing the carpenter bees from your yard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

We only talk about the bees when we’re looking at them but thanks for being so nasty for no reason.

NP. That ... wasn't nasty at all. The person wrote out for you how she handled her toddler's fears. They HELPED you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

We only talk about the bees when we’re looking at them but thanks for being so nasty for no reason.

I'm so sorry, I wasn't actually trying to be nasty. I thought you were talking about bees when they showed up in books/pointing them out in the back yard/etc based on your post. Since you apparently don't, I'm not sure how calmly comforting your scared child could make things worse? I don't really see a problem with a child being scared of bees tbh; bees can be dangerous (unlike squirrels which are pretty benign). Anyway, sorry again for not tone checking my first response.

Okay, thanks. I appreciate it. Carpenter bees don’t sting so they’re not dangerous, I’m just coming to this for the first time and I want to make sure that I don’t make the fear worse, either by comforting too much or not validating enough. I wondered if there is a prevailing philosophy. Like people don’t force their kids to eat any more, right? So I want to make sure I’m not inadvertently doing something like “clean your plate, there are children starving!” I think you were a little harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

If you thought this response was nasty op it’s no wonder you’re raising scared children.

Well, certainly this one is much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

If you thought this response was nasty op it’s no wonder you’re raising scared children.

Well, certainly this one is much worse.

Trolls be trollin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

If you thought this response was nasty op it’s no wonder you’re raising scared children.

+1 op needs to chill no surprise kid high strung. 🍎.... 🌳 feels sorry for dat kid. Making fear noises while reading books sounds flat out cra cra

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

If you thought this response was nasty op it’s no wonder you’re raising scared children.

+1 op needs to chill no surprise kid high strung. 🍎.... 🌳 feels sorry for dat kid. Making fear noises while reading books sounds flat out cra cra

I don't make the fear noise, SHE makes the fear noises. Like she goes and finds a book with a picture of a bee, brings it to me, points at the bee and makes scared noises. I think the bees are just the exciting thing this week and I want to make sure I don't somehow make the fear worse. It's hard to communicate with someone who can't talk. F you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

If you thought this response was nasty op it’s no wonder you’re raising scared children.

+1 op needs to chill no surprise kid high strung. 🍎.... 🌳 feels sorry for dat kid. Making fear noises while reading books sounds flat out cra cra

I don't make the fear noise, SHE makes the fear noises. Like she goes and finds a book with a picture of a bee, brings it to me, points at the bee and makes scared noises. I think the bees are just the exciting thing this week and I want to make sure I don't somehow make the fear worse. It's hard to communicate with someone who can't talk. F you.

Nobody will ever want to give you real help in life because you’re too arrogant to see your own faults and can’t handle the fact that you’re making your daughter scared and revert to name calling rather than listening. It’s easy to communicate with kids that can’t talk I’ve done it for many many years so get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is your concern? When my kid was that age, she was scared of squirrels. When she saw them and was scared, I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, squirrels are scary, look the squirrel is going up the tree. Oh look, there's a puppy; shall we ask their human if we can say hi?" Just provide comfort and distraction; not sure why it needs to be talked about when there aren't any bees around.

If you thought this response was nasty op it’s no wonder you’re raising scared children.

+1 op needs to chill no surprise kid high strung. 🍎.... 🌳 feels sorry for dat kid. Making fear noises while reading books sounds flat out cra cra

I don't make the fear noise, SHE makes the fear noises. Like she goes and finds a book with a picture of a bee, brings it to me, points at the bee and makes scared noises. I think the bees are just the exciting thing this week and I want to make sure I don't somehow make the fear worse. It's hard to communicate with someone who can't talk. F you.

OP (I'm the squirrel PP and I acknowledge on a reread that my original post could def be read as dismissive; please ignore all the rude people trying to give you a hard time for no reason), this does sound to me like she's using the fear to get your attention. I would maybe tone down your reaction and give her other outlets for giving you a hint she wants tons of attention/hugs? Like still comfort/validate the fear when she sees a real bee, but try and do more redirection and less focusing on the fear, and when she brings you a book bee go more in the direction of "Oh a bee! How cute and fuzzy!" And try to create some other trigger for showering her with affection, like her trying to put on her own shoes or something?