I miss being young so damn much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and cannot relate to this at all. My 20s were a grind. Hard work, heartache, struggling to find myself and carve out an identity... no thanks. Now in my mid 30s I'm finally seeing the fruits of my labor (good marriage, nice home, kids, satisfying career) and I'm more self assured so I can actually enjoy it all. Plus I'm in better shape to boot. I'd never go back.

I wish I was 36. I wouldn't go back to my 20s but certainly back to my 30s if I could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and cannot relate to this at all. My 20s were a grind. Hard work, heartache, struggling to find myself and carve out an identity... no thanks. Now in my mid 30s I'm finally seeing the fruits of my labor (good marriage, nice home, kids, satisfying career) and I'm more self assured so I can actually enjoy it all. Plus I'm in better shape to boot. I'd never go back.

You can't relate because 36 is still young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(shrug) I'm 55 and I'm having fun. It's a different kind of fun, and to be honest, probably a better kind of fun.

DP. What do you do to have fun?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate the health aspect of growing older, but, I do not envy the uncertainty of youth. At my stage, I can look at my life and feel very good about my life choices, having a great marriage, loving husband, no money issues, healthy and successful kids, closeknit family, friends, house, education, hobbies. I did not think that I could achieve all of this, and I did. I can only look at what my life has become after the years of struggle now, so now is a pretty good place to be.

I got more than I ever thought possible and my worst fears never came true. How lucky is to see that in your 50s?

+1

Life has been good and successful. Interestingly a huge part of this success for me has been the non-material stuff you have mentioned - a great marriage, loving husband, healthy and successful kids, closeknit family, friends, education, hobbies - they all have been the foundation of this happiness. Money and house was helpful only for giving us choices and security. God knows that starting from bottom meant that my bar for material success was always very low.

[Anonymous]

OP and PPs who shared that you feel similarly, I'm sorry to hear that. Clearly, this is something that many people feel.

Have you tried thinking about what you can do now to have more of what you missed before? If you have joint pain, can you talk to your doctor about it or take medication to treat it, if you haven't already? If you miss spending time with friends, can you make new friends or allocate more of your free time to spending time with them?

[Anonymous]

20s: No kids, no responsibilities beyond myself, stable gov job, skinny (but thought I was fat), zero health concerns, socially awkward, no close friends, no luck dating, frequent solo travel, strict budget.

40s: No kids, no responsibilities beyond myself, stable gov job, heavier (I wish I were as "fat" as I thought I was 20 years ago), minor aches and pains, socially awkward, no close friends, no luck dating, frequent solo travel, more financial security.

Meh. Life is life. I was never beautiful and popular when I was young, so there's nothing really to miss. But it's not like I love being middle aged. Maybe I would pick being 33 for life.

[Anonymous]

I feel like being an older mom has helped with this a lot. It's exhausting, but having a small child around while I navigate my early 40s is kind of great because it forces me to find fun in things every day. I live for my kid's giggles, and there are few things better than laughing and goofing off together as a family. I had lots of fun in my 20s for sure, but I think there is more freedom and contentment in the fun I have now with my DH and kid, because my family offers me a level of total love and acceptance that I never got from my family of origin or from my friends or boyfriends when I was younger. I have found aging liberating because I feel that I become more myself every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:47 years old and I have to admit, I miss my youth. And by youth I mean those glorious years between 18-25 when everything is so much fun. My life now is fine, I have a great husband, kids, job that I'm satisfied with, hobbies. But nothing beats the absolute effortless, goofy, silly FUN you have in your late teens/early 20's . It's so sad that such a magical stage passes so early in life. Sorry for being a Debbie Downer, not really looking for any advice just need to get it off my chest.

I hear you. That's the story of my life now in my late 50s. There is not a day that goes by that I long for those days of being in the moment and having so much fun. They were the best times. life was a lot simpler back then. We didn't have bills to pay, deadlines to meet, or all the other adult responsibilities weighing us down. We were free to just be in the moment, exploring, imagining, and soaking up the world around us. Plus, everything felt new and exciting when we were kids. From discovering the world around us to experiencing things for the first time, there was a sense of wonder and curiosity that made each day an adventure. But as we got older, things changed. That magic is gone... never to return

[Anonymous]

I didn’t know that DCUM people had carefree early 20s. I figured they were all striving. Weren’t you pulling 4.0s, landing top-tier internships, making your way up the ladder and earning over $100K by 25?

[Anonymous]

I was a total mess from 19-25. Glad to be done. I love my 40s and look forward to my 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know that DCUM people had carefree early 20s. I figured they were all striving. Weren’t you pulling 4.0s, landing top-tier internships, making your way up the ladder and earning over $100K by 25?

You didn’t grow up in the 80s. You didn’t need to have an internship every summer of college to get a good job afterwards. You could still be a lifeguard or pick a random major. Didn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

I just turned 41 and had my first child at 26 so she is now a hs freshman. I feel older than my age in some ways because most of my peer parents are 5-15 years older than I am. I feel young in some ways because I am younger and not experiencing quite as many of middle age transitions as some although I did lose one of my parents recently.

I think we all have to keep in mind that everything is relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know that DCUM people had carefree early 20s. I figured they were all striving. Weren’t you pulling 4.0s, landing top-tier internships, making your way up the ladder and earning over $100K by 25?

You didn’t grow up in the 80s. You didn’t need to have an internship every summer of college to get a good job afterwards. You could still be a lifeguard or pick a random major. Didn’t matter.

This. GenX had few strivers. There were some, but it certainly wasn’t a requirement to find your professional footing later in life.

I’m not convinced it’s as important as people make it out to be now, either, but maybe I just don’t know any better.

[Anonymous]

I loved my 20s, I met my now wife straight out of college in DC… I’m now in my early 40s every year got better between then and now. Except 2020 and 2021, I won’t miss them but they were really good, all things considered. I feel lucky to have everything I have and had the life I’ve had so far. I just hope I stay healthy so I can stay on this trajectory.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand why you feel as you do.
I miss those days sometimes. I'm finding, though, being a new empty nester, that this stage of life is pretty great too. (Though tbh, I loved, loved, loved my life during the newborn through starting first grade stage when I stayed home with my little ones.)
I love having the house to myself often. I love being able to go where I want, when I want. (no kid schedules to follow) I love not having to argue with teenagers about what is for dinner. Now, that my kids have moved out, I sleep in one of their bedrooms so I don't have to listen to my husband snore. That is glorious.