If I am full pay, am I a sucker?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another full pay parent here who understands. I sometimes think we are the biggest suckers ever, then i think we are lucky that we are able to afford it on two regular DMV salaries (fed and contractor) through dedicated saving, living below our means and prioritizing education. Plus it's a HA with a very specific program that my kid has been working for. Mostly I have made my peace with it.

Still a sucker, though. Sorry.

Sorry you are undisciplined enough to save like the PP. PP your are to be commended for your ethics and efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey now - I stayed home, my family benefitted, and society benefitted because I have volunteered a lot. I think my wife and my acting and working as a team has been a great role model for our kids. And no, we could not afford to send them to the most expensive schools and I don’t think that has hurt them at all. At the end of the day they will end up in excellent grad schools, they will be debt free, we will have retirement savings and none of us are on anxiety meds freaked out by professional or financial anxiety. I’d say to give all of that up to send our kids to expensive schools we cannot afford would make us suckers.

I think until you can switch the genders as I did in the sentence above ...

But back to the OPs question, when a school doesn’t offer merit, you are either full-pay or getting aid - if you don’t want the spot, there are plenty of others that do. Now when the school is lower ranked and you are full pay you might questions if it’s worth it to pay that type of money without the prestige but if you have the type of money where it doesn’t make a difference, who is really winning. It’s like when I watch that young 30’s couple on house hunter International spending more on their vacation home than I do for someplace I live year round. I half jokingly wonder where I went wrong with my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another full pay parent here who understands. I sometimes think we are the biggest suckers ever, then i think we are lucky that we are able to afford it on two regular DMV salaries (fed and contractor) through dedicated saving, living below our means and prioritizing education. Plus it's a HA with a very specific program that my kid has been working for. Mostly I have made my peace with it.

Still a sucker, though. Sorry.

Still a sucker...........why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<<I'd be thrilled if my daughters could land a spouse that earns $800,000 a year.>>

Am I the only one who seems being "kept" somewhere along the spectrum that ends with prostitution

Do you not see how this mindset plays into the mindset of many men who resent/hate women (vs respect them as equals)???

Who cares whether someone chooses to raise their kids vs contracting out to nannies and the like. I did a little of both, and both lifestyles worked for me at those particular times. Yes DH is a high earner, which is one of the reasons it was an easy decision to be there for my family. And fwiw, he was only making $250K 12 years ago and before that even less as an independent contractor when I supported him with supplemental income and health insurance. But I have to say, Easy Street is quite pleasant, and I don’t see myself returning to the workforce ever. Very happy with the schedule I have now.

Gentle reminder - the whole point of equalism is choice.

We all send tons of "messages" to our children that we probably which we were not. I'm not sure the message she is sending is any worse than the one where parents make the same amount and the wife is doing the vast majority of cooking, cleaning, driving, organizing family life (second shift duties).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<<I'd be thrilled if my daughters could land a spouse that earns $800,000 a year.>>

Am I the only one who seems being "kept" somewhere along the spectrum that ends with prostitution

Do you not see how this mindset plays into the mindset of many men who resent/hate women (vs respect them as equals)???

Who cares whether someone chooses to raise their kids vs contracting out to nannies and the like. I did a little of both, and both lifestyles worked for me at those particular times. Yes DH is a high earner, which is one of the reasons it was an easy decision to be there for my family. And fwiw, he was only making $250K 12 years ago and before that even less as an independent contractor when I supported him with supplemental income and health insurance. But I have to say, Easy Street is quite pleasant, and I don’t see myself returning to the workforce ever. Very happy with the schedule I have now.

Gentle reminder - the whole point of equalism is choice.

We all send tons of "messages" to our children that we probably which we were not. I'm not sure the message she is sending is any worse than the one where parents make the same amount and the wife is doing the vast majority of cooking, cleaning, driving, organizing family life (second shift duties).

I have an adult son, and I stayed home a good portion of my parenthood. The other day (over the holidays) he said to me how much he appreciated having me around for everything...carpools, snacks after school, school volunteer opportunities, doctors appointments, etc. He said he had friends back then who told him they wished their mom could be home for them like he did. It was nice to hear after all those years and it makes me feel good about being home for my youngest.

[Anonymous]

I think the guy who paid for a Tesla is a sucker.

[Anonymous]

To the woman whose son liked having her home making snacks, I am sure he did. I am sure your husband likes it too.

I am just saying that this is part of the reason that women at every office I have worked in tend to do all of the cooking and cleaning up after work parties too. Caretaking is perceived by man as our "talent" and society undervalues that.

I have less problem when a family with young children opts for this division of labor. To those with older or grown children who just "like the schedule" of volunteer work and manicures while their husband is off slaving away at some job he may or may not enjoy...that strikes me as exploitive, and transactional. My two cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the woman whose son liked having her home making snacks, I am sure he did. I am sure your husband likes it too.

I am just saying that this is part of the reason that women at every office I have worked in tend to do all of the cooking and cleaning up after work parties too. Caretaking is perceived by man as our "talent" and society undervalues that.

I have less problem when a family with young children opts for this division of labor. To those with older or grown children who just "like the schedule" of volunteer work and manicures while their husband is off slaving away at some job he may or may not enjoy...that strikes me as exploitive, and transactional. My two cents.

Cool. That’s your opinion and many disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the woman whose son liked having her home making snacks, I am sure he did. I am sure your husband likes it too.

I am just saying that this is part of the reason that women at every office I have worked in tend to do all of the cooking and cleaning up after work parties too. Caretaking is perceived by man as our "talent" and society undervalues that.

I have less problem when a family with young children opts for this division of labor. To those with older or grown children who just "like the schedule" of volunteer work and manicures while their husband is off slaving away at some job he may or may not enjoy...that strikes me as exploitive, and transactional. My two cents.

My daughter appreciated having someone mind the homefront. She doesn’t assume that person has to be a woman, much less her.

Your position seems internally contradictory — so is it wage labor or uncompensated labor that’s exploitative, or both?

[Anonymous]

It is not uncompensated to live in a nice house for free, and have someone buy your food, clothes and vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not uncompensated to live in a nice house for free, and have someone buy your food, clothes and vacations.

Actually, the uncompensated labor I had in mind was the women in the office organizing/cooking for/cleaning up after parties (referenced in the post I quoted). But I’ll respond to your point. So basically, then, the household consists of two differently-compensated (one through salary/wages; one through barter/goods in kind) adult workers who are interdependent. What’s wrong with that?