Looking for recs on mainstream privates that are inclusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

You are heavily projecting with the anxiety diagnosis. And, no one is talking competitive NYC privates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.

You don't know her child and that's unfair to decide he will not be successful just because other kids aren't. A mainstream privates was exactly what my child needed. I cannot imagine what would have happened with public given our experience with public. There are decent schools with very decent people who are willing to give our kids a chance and help them be successful if they are able.

Curious, what kind of supports did your child need in K? My child is very mildly affected, but this is what he got at his public school with an IEP: K class with 21 kids and 1 classroom aide (very experienced aide finishing her degree); 10 hours of push-in support from the special ed teacher; weekly OT; weekly social worker. When the push-in special ed teacher wasn't there, the classroom aide would act as a de-facto push-in aide and make sure my child got situated and participated in specials etc. The other 2 kids I know with HFA have even more supports - one has a 1:1 aide all day plus everything else; the other is in a excellent autism inclusion classroom. I have a hard time believing that any mainstream private could come close to this.

Prek-2nd we had 8 kids in a class and often had an assistant. 21 kids would have been a disaster early on. In public we got 2 30 minutes of group speech and that was about it. That is not mildly impacted if you got that level of services and your child needs that level of support. Now, a few years later, he just needs a teacher to check in every once in a while but rarely needs any extra support (nor would he get it at his public so if he needs it we will have to go back to private), grade and test scores are all very good. Needs no assistance in specials or outside activities.

So your child has autism, and all they needed to be successful was a small class size? Does he get any other therapies?

Also, if your child is actually autistic, then yes, they do need services and support. If they don't actually need professional supports in the classroom, then why bother disclosing the diagnosis? But I don't think that's OP's situation, since she knows the diagnosis would be obvious. But I'm not really sure what OP is looking for in a mainstream private -- that she would pay for the extra supports in the classroom, that the private teachers would not need any professional training in SNs, or that she could do all private therapies out of school and that would be enough?

Good question. If we went mainstream private, we would pursue OT (handwriting) and social skills outside of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

We are not talking about Big 3, Big 5, and all the well regarded "pressure cookers." But, you do have a very good point about the anxiety, and that is one of the main reasons we lean a little more toward the SN privates. But the right mainstream with outside supports, including possibly CBT, might suffice, especially if it keeps kiddo out of the car for 1 - 2 hours per day. Not an easy decision, but we REALLY appreciate all the input, especially the names of specific schools to avoid or approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

We are not talking about Big 3, Big 5, and all the well regarded "pressure cookers." But, you do have a very good point about the anxiety, and that is one of the main reasons we lean a little more toward the SN privates. But the right mainstream with outside supports, including possibly CBT, might suffice, especially if it keeps kiddo out of the car for 1 - 2 hours per day. Not an easy decision, but we REALLY appreciate all the input, especially the names of specific schools to avoid or approach.

Just look online and call around and go visit with your child. That is what I did. I found a small one most have never heard of and it was a great fit. Most recommendations are going to be the big ones, not small ones.

Remember its round trip for you so an hour to school is two hours per trip for you in less you work near there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.

You don't know her child and that's unfair to decide he will not be successful just because other kids aren't. A mainstream privates was exactly what my child needed. I cannot imagine what would have happened with public given our experience with public. There are decent schools with very decent people who are willing to give our kids a chance and help them be successful if they are able.

Curious, what kind of supports did your child need in K? My child is very mildly affected, but this is what he got at his public school with an IEP: K class with 21 kids and 1 classroom aide (very experienced aide finishing her degree); 10 hours of push-in support from the special ed teacher; weekly OT; weekly social worker. When the push-in special ed teacher wasn't there, the classroom aide would act as a de-facto push-in aide and make sure my child got situated and participated in specials etc. The other 2 kids I know with HFA have even more supports - one has a 1:1 aide all day plus everything else; the other is in a excellent autism inclusion classroom. I have a hard time believing that any mainstream private could come close to this.

Prek-2nd we had 8 kids in a class and often had an assistant. 21 kids would have been a disaster early on. In public we got 2 30 minutes of group speech and that was about it. That is not mildly impacted if you got that level of services and your child needs that level of support. Now, a few years later, he just needs a teacher to check in every once in a while but rarely needs any extra support (nor would he get it at his public so if he needs it we will have to go back to private), grade and test scores are all very good. Needs no assistance in specials or outside activities.

So your child has autism, and all they needed to be successful was a small class size? Does he get any other therapies?

Also, if your child is actually autistic, then yes, they do need services and support. If they don't actually need professional supports in the classroom, then why bother disclosing the diagnosis? But I don't think that's OP's situation, since she knows the diagnosis would be obvious. But I'm not really sure what OP is looking for in a mainstream private -- that she would pay for the extra supports in the classroom, that the private teachers would not need any professional training in SNs, or that she could do all private therapies out of school and that would be enough?

Good question. If we went mainstream private, we would pursue OT (handwriting) and social skills outside of school.

We found the OT pretty useless for handwriting. He was a bit helpful in holding a pencil but the teachers did a far better job as they taught it every day and it was part of their curriculum. We also heavily (heavily) practiced at home. You would need to get outside therapies, which if you are willing, can work out well. We found schools receptive to taking our child because he was in outside therapies and we made it clear that we just needed to know what needed to be worked on and didn't expect them to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

We are not talking about Big 3, Big 5, and all the well regarded "pressure cookers." But, you do have a very good point about the anxiety, and that is one of the main reasons we lean a little more toward the SN privates. But the right mainstream with outside supports, including possibly CBT, might suffice, especially if it keeps kiddo out of the car for 1 - 2 hours per day. Not an easy decision, but we REALLY appreciate all the input, especially the names of specific schools to avoid or approach.

I used the "well regarded "pressure cookers"" as an example. At the early elementary level, well regarded is just well regarded and not pressure cookers.

Generally, for things like social skills - it's best to have them at school and practice with peers - that way there is no transfer issue. Many kids do fine in outside social skills classes but are unable to put them into practice with peers at school where it's needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

We are not talking about Big 3, Big 5, and all the well regarded "pressure cookers." But, you do have a very good point about the anxiety, and that is one of the main reasons we lean a little more toward the SN privates. But the right mainstream with outside supports, including possibly CBT, might suffice, especially if it keeps kiddo out of the car for 1 - 2 hours per day. Not an easy decision, but we REALLY appreciate all the input, especially the names of specific schools to avoid or approach.

Just look online and call around and go visit with your child. That is what I did. I found a small one most have never heard of and it was a great fit. Most recommendations are going to be the big ones, not small ones.

Remember its round trip for you so an hour to school is two hours per trip for you in less you work near there.

I know. I hate that math, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

You are heavily projecting with the anxiety diagnosis. And, no one is talking competitive NYC privates.

Not projecting at all. DS does not have anxiety according to his neuropsych eval...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

We are not talking about Big 3, Big 5, and all the well regarded "pressure cookers." But, you do have a very good point about the anxiety, and that is one of the main reasons we lean a little more toward the SN privates. But the right mainstream with outside supports, including possibly CBT, might suffice, especially if it keeps kiddo out of the car for 1 - 2 hours per day. Not an easy decision, but we REALLY appreciate all the input, especially the names of specific schools to avoid or approach.

I used the "well regarded "pressure cookers"" as an example. At the early elementary level, well regarded is just well regarded and not pressure cookers.

Generally, for things like social skills - it's best to have them at school and practice with peers - that way there is no transfer issue. Many kids do fine in outside social skills classes but are unable to put them into practice with peers at school where it's needed.

Another good thing about public w/IEP and SN schools is that you will not have to drive all over town doing therapies. So even if the SN schools are far away, you'll be getting all the therapies in-house.

For DS11, when he was in public w/IEP - we never drove around or paid for private therapies. Now that DS is at a private SN school, we don't drive for therapies. We drive around all over the place for his extracurriculars and for birthday parties, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

We are not talking about Big 3, Big 5, and all the well regarded "pressure cookers." But, you do have a very good point about the anxiety, and that is one of the main reasons we lean a little more toward the SN privates. But the right mainstream with outside supports, including possibly CBT, might suffice, especially if it keeps kiddo out of the car for 1 - 2 hours per day. Not an easy decision, but we REALLY appreciate all the input, especially the names of specific schools to avoid or approach.

I used the "well regarded "pressure cookers"" as an example. At the early elementary level, well regarded is just well regarded and not pressure cookers.

Generally, for things like social skills - it's best to have them at school and practice with peers - that way there is no transfer issue. Many kids do fine in outside social skills classes but are unable to put them into practice with peers at school where it's needed.

Good point

[Anonymous]

Well, all of the schools people have mentioned are equally far, right op? I don’t really feel like any actual names have bee given. For acds and burgundy farms, they told me if the kids can’t take himself to a different classroom easily after a session, it wouldn’t work. They also don’t let outside therapists in. And they also kick kids out who are too much.

The reason you’re getting pushback op is because you’re throwing off a serious special snowflake mentality and ugh I hate that term. Your kid has issues, nobody cares if he is acamdemxialt okay, so are most of our children, and kindergarten is actually all about regulation and social skills. If those are issues for him, don’t send him to a private with teachers without sped credentials and expect it to go well. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

We are not talking about Big 3, Big 5, and all the well regarded "pressure cookers." But, you do have a very good point about the anxiety, and that is one of the main reasons we lean a little more toward the SN privates. But the right mainstream with outside supports, including possibly CBT, might suffice, especially if it keeps kiddo out of the car for 1 - 2 hours per day. Not an easy decision, but we REALLY appreciate all the input, especially the names of specific schools to avoid or approach.

I used the "well regarded "pressure cookers"" as an example. At the early elementary level, well regarded is just well regarded and not pressure cookers.

Generally, for things like social skills - it's best to have them at school and practice with peers - that way there is no transfer issue. Many kids do fine in outside social skills classes but are unable to put them into practice with peers at school where it's needed.

Another good thing about public w/IEP and SN schools is that you will not have to drive all over town doing therapies. So even if the SN schools are far away, you'll be getting all the therapies in-house.

For DS11, when he was in public w/IEP - we never drove around or paid for private therapies. Now that DS is at a private SN school, we don't drive for therapies. We drive around all over the place for his extracurriculars and for birthday parties, etc.

Our public school therapies did more harm than good and were worthless. Don't count on good services or ones catered to your particular child in public. I think people push public and SN schools as they don't want to take the time to take their kid to therapies or pay for them. We gladly did it on top of a lot of extracurriculars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, all of the schools people have mentioned are equally far, right op? I don’t really feel like any actual names have bee given. For acds and burgundy farms, they told me if the kids can’t take himself to a different classroom easily after a session, it wouldn’t work. They also don’t let outside therapists in. And they also kick kids out who are too much.

The reason you’re getting pushback op is because you’re throwing off a serious special snowflake mentality and ugh I hate that term. Your kid has issues, nobody cares if he is acamdemxialt okay, so are most of our children, and kindergarten is actually all about regulation and social skills. If those are issues for him, don’t send him to a private with teachers without sped credentials and expect it to go well. The end.

OP, most don't want to send their kid to a regular private as it means doing outside therapies, etc. and they don't want to put the time or effort into it. Its easier to dump your kid in public and let the school deal with it. For some kids, it works great, but I know for ours, its not. Do what you think is best. Call around and inquire and visit. See if you can do a 1/2 day there to see if your child likes it. It can work. It worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

We are not talking about Big 3, Big 5, and all the well regarded "pressure cookers." But, you do have a very good point about the anxiety, and that is one of the main reasons we lean a little more toward the SN privates. But the right mainstream with outside supports, including possibly CBT, might suffice, especially if it keeps kiddo out of the car for 1 - 2 hours per day. Not an easy decision, but we REALLY appreciate all the input, especially the names of specific schools to avoid or approach.

I used the "well regarded "pressure cookers"" as an example. At the early elementary level, well regarded is just well regarded and not pressure cookers.

Generally, for things like social skills - it's best to have them at school and practice with peers - that way there is no transfer issue. Many kids do fine in outside social skills classes but are unable to put them into practice with peers at school where it's needed.

Another good thing about public w/IEP and SN schools is that you will not have to drive all over town doing therapies. So even if the SN schools are far away, you'll be getting all the therapies in-house.

For DS11, when he was in public w/IEP - we never drove around or paid for private therapies. Now that DS is at a private SN school, we don't drive for therapies. We drive around all over the place for his extracurriculars and for birthday parties, etc.

Our public school therapies did more harm than good and were worthless. Don't count on good services or ones catered to your particular child in public. I think people push public and SN schools as they don't want to take the time to take their kid to therapies or pay for them. We gladly did it on top of a lot of extracurriculars.

Nobody's pushing anything. The fact is, the vast majority of us have no choice other that public, due to cost, distance or the private just not accepting our child. Likewise, we don't have time and money for extensive private therapies "on top of a lot of extracurriculars." For the tiny, tiny majority of kids that can thrive in a mainstream private without supports -- well, I think they are so few that it's a very unique situation and the child probably has no serious diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, all of the schools people have mentioned are equally far, right op? I don’t really feel like any actual names have bee given. For acds and burgundy farms, they told me if the kids can’t take himself to a different classroom easily after a session, it wouldn’t work. They also don’t let outside therapists in. And they also kick kids out who are too much.

The reason you’re getting pushback op is because you’re throwing off a serious special snowflake mentality and ugh I hate that term. Your kid has issues, nobody cares if he is acamdemxialt okay, so are most of our children, and kindergarten is actually all about regulation and social skills. If those are issues for him, don’t send him to a private with teachers without sped credentials and expect it to go well. The end.

OP, most don't want to send their kid to a regular private as it means doing outside therapies, etc. and they don't want to put the time or effort into it. Its easier to dump your kid in public and let the school deal with it. For some kids, it works great, but I know for ours, its not. Do what you think is best. Call around and inquire and visit. See if you can do a 1/2 day there to see if your child likes it. It can work. It worked for us.

I did not "dump" my child in a public school. I bought a house zoned for a good public school, then I fought to get him a strong IEP, and I follow up on it to make sure it's implemented. And you haven't even named where this snowflake mainstream private school is yet where all of us can just magically send our SN kids?