What screams old money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like what these threads are *actually* asking is ... what subtle cues could I convey to obtain some kind of social advantage?

The reality is that new money is often going to be more advantageous in many social situations, as new money can afford the multiple nanny / multiple home / vaca all the time lifestyle that DCUM covets. Old money is only advantageous to those who "know," especially as future generations rarely have the OG money. But because it's DC, people are trying to strive for the veneer of whatever their social ideal is, and no one's ideal is "new money" - so people want the $$ signifier and the class signifier and are tying themselves in knots trying to figure it out.

End of the day, my view is you can front the WASPy old money thing, but unless you have the pedigree, it won't get you anywhere. And if you don't have the new money baller cash ... you just don't. (I include myself in this FWIW.) So just do what makes you happy - and if the snobby private school moms aren't into you, then they aren't your people.

I agree with you that posters asking these kind of questions are hoping to learn how to give off some kind of social cue that says old money.

I disagree with you that folks are interested in having multiple Nannie’s and a certain kind of lifestyle simply to signal their wealth in a way that is socially advantageous. I throw money at things that make my life easier with a special needs child and stressful career, not because i need the Joneses to think a certain way about me.

[Anonymous]

Two of my friends are very old money (railroad and a well known household name brand) and the immediate answer I have is that they exude a type of confidence that is magnetic and settled. Super humble. Excellent conversationalists, likely drilled into them by their great great grandparents. Good posture and strong sense of self. Elite colleges and prep schools. Unique style - in the sense that they could probably be ok no matter what they wear so they just put clothes on that feel good to them. No sense of striving, even though one is crazy successful in tech. The other dabbles in a series of creative pursuits while also staying home with kids. They both have casual family homes in multiple places. Registered for china/entertaining items at scully and scully or Gumps. Their first apartments weren’t in fancy high rises but had been their (insert family member’s) place in that city. Their weddings were surprisingly nice and expensive, in that none of our friends were completely aware of the extent of the wealth until we saw the decor, etc (even at an outdoor wedding on family property). At one of them the patriarch showed up in a cream linen suit. He was maybe 90. They drove Subarus and Toyotas till they broke down. If you are trying to replicate that vibe, Op, I think it is really hard. Some things are just in the breeding.

[Anonymous]

The old car thing is a little weird and probably regional to the Northeast, which doesn't have as much of a car culture as, say, Michigan or California.

I knew some old-money families in Michigan (i.e., people with car-company last names). Everyone in the family drove nice, new cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two of my friends are very old money (railroad and a well known household name brand) and the immediate answer I have is that they exude a type of confidence that is magnetic and settled. Super humble. Excellent conversationalists, likely drilled into them by their great great grandparents. Good posture and strong sense of self. Elite colleges and prep schools. Unique style - in the sense that they could probably be ok no matter what they wear so they just put clothes on that feel good to them. No sense of striving, even though one is crazy successful in tech. The other dabbles in a series of creative pursuits while also staying home with kids. They both have casual family homes in multiple places. Registered for china/entertaining items at scully and scully or Gumps. Their first apartments weren’t in fancy high rises but had been their (insert family member’s) place in that city. Their weddings were surprisingly nice and expensive, in that none of our friends were completely aware of the extent of the wealth until we saw the decor, etc (even at an outdoor wedding on family property). At one of them the patriarch showed up in a cream linen suit. He was maybe 90. They drove Subarus and Toyotas till they broke down. If you are trying to replicate that vibe, Op, I think it is really hard. Some things are just in the breeding.

I'm sorry, your friends knew their great great grandparents? Did every generation have their children at 13? That seems the only way that this is feasible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two of my friends are very old money (railroad and a well known household name brand) and the immediate answer I have is that they exude a type of confidence that is magnetic and settled. Super humble. Excellent conversationalists, likely drilled into them by their great great grandparents. Good posture and strong sense of self. Elite colleges and prep schools. Unique style - in the sense that they could probably be ok no matter what they wear so they just put clothes on that feel good to them. No sense of striving, even though one is crazy successful in tech. The other dabbles in a series of creative pursuits while also staying home with kids. They both have casual family homes in multiple places. Registered for china/entertaining items at scully and scully or Gumps. Their first apartments weren’t in fancy high rises but had been their (insert family member’s) place in that city. Their weddings were surprisingly nice and expensive, in that none of our friends were completely aware of the extent of the wealth until we saw the decor, etc (even at an outdoor wedding on family property). At one of them the patriarch showed up in a cream linen suit. He was maybe 90. They drove Subarus and Toyotas till they broke down. If you are trying to replicate that vibe, Op, I think it is really hard. Some things are just in the breeding.

I'm sorry, your friends knew their great great grandparents? Did every generation have their children at 13? That seems the only way that this is feasible.

Ah, clearly you're not old money. In old money families, at age 12 they all get turned into vampyres, then go on to live forever (or until new money drives a stake through their heart). What screams old money is "OUCH YOU BIT MY NECK - oh, what is this wonderful feeling?" - just paraphrasing.

They wear old cars and old clothes because at some point you just lose interest in the new. What's a new Mercedes when you've had every fresh buggy there is to drive. What's a new sweater, pair of shoes, pair of underpants, when it all gets ruined in the end. Life is ruin, except for the vampyre's still-breathing body.

[Anonymous]

The old-money people I know dress like bums, drive older cars and have old hand me down furniture - but expensive houses and educations. I think that buying stuff is boring to them and they are not trying to impress anyone anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The trifecta of

1. very good quality things without visible designer labels,
2. exquisite manners to everyone, and
3. not caring what other people think of you.

Not sure about exquisite manners, but instead eccentric personalities for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trifecta of

1. very good quality things without visible designer labels,
2. exquisite manners to everyone, and
3. not caring what other people think of you.

Not sure about exquisite manners, but instead eccentric personalities for sure.

They like to think they have exquisite manners but in my experience they do not. I’ve known three old money with a family recognizable name and one without one. They ranged from superficial pleasant to real jerks, with one a genuinely good person. I think they think whatever they eat, drink, drive, think, produce, attend is the bees knees, no question. It can be the most low brow thing (like Dunkin Doughnut coffee or Triscuits) but because their family likes it it is the best. Just extrapolate that out to everything in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trifecta of

1. very good quality things without visible designer labels,
2. exquisite manners to everyone, and
3. not caring what other people think of you.

Not sure about exquisite manners, but instead eccentric personalities for sure.

They like to think they have exquisite manners but in my experience they do not. I’ve known three old money with a family recognizable name and one without one. They ranged from superficial pleasant to real jerks, with one a genuinely good person. I think they think whatever they eat, drink, drive, think, produce, attend is the bees knees, no question. It can be the most low brow thing (like Dunkin Doughnut coffee or Triscuits) but because their family likes it it is the best. Just extrapolate that out to everything in their lives.

I think there's a real problem with confusing "manners" with "social etiquette". Some of the old money folks I've known are obsessed with The Rules - the exact wording on an invitation (or response), whether a +1 should be included, whether the correct gift was given. But they can still be rude and inconsiderate people, even if they know and follow the rules. They think that knowing etiquette rules gives them a pass on any other behavior. These are the people who will shun someone for wearing the wrong dress or picking up the wrong fork - appearances matter more than feelings.

OTOH, there are plenty who are genuinely nice and considerate people .... And some of those also happen to know and follow the etiquette rules. There is truly no correlation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep thinking about the Mnuchin wife, Louise? I feel kind of sorry for her predicament.

Which is what? Other than being married to a rich older unattractive man?

[Anonymous]

People always think I'm an old money WASP but I'm not -- my grandparents were poor immigrants and my parents come from huge working class families. My mom never went to college and my dad attended a large public university out West. I spent the first 10 years of my life in a trailer park, then in a middle class house in a decent neighborhood when my dad's construction business did well. I went to public schools all they way through and knew nothing about WASPs until I moved to NYC in my mid-20s.

People think I'm a WASP because I'm thin, fashionable (something I learned from reading fashion magazines), well read, and have what others would call "poise." I'm not even rich now, though I am a professional at least. People assume wealth because they don't associate education and manners with working class or poor people. What is interesting to me is that when a truly rich person is stupid and rude, all excuses are made, but when a poor person is well-spoken and intelligent, they are assumed not to be poor.

In conclusion, the following qualities "scream old money": hypocrisy, ignorance, and arrogance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The old-money people I know dress like bums, drive older cars and have old hand me down furniture - but expensive houses and educations. I think that buying stuff is boring to them and they are not trying to impress anyone anyway.

This. But with luxury-brand level shoes IME.

[Anonymous]

Yep.

Luxury brand level horses and boats, but they dress in such a way that people comment, "Who dressed you?!" And they don't mean that comment in a good way.

[Anonymous]

Salmon P. Chase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People always think I'm an old money WASP but I'm not -- my grandparents were poor immigrants and my parents come from huge working class families. My mom never went to college and my dad attended a large public university out West. I spent the first 10 years of my life in a trailer park, then in a middle class house in a decent neighborhood when my dad's construction business did well. I went to public schools all they way through and knew nothing about WASPs until I moved to NYC in my mid-20s.

People think I'm a WASP because I'm thin, fashionable (something I learned from reading fashion magazines), well read, and have what others would call "poise." I'm not even rich now, though I am a professional at least. People assume wealth because they don't associate education and manners with working class or poor people. What is interesting to me is that when a truly rich person is stupid and rude, all excuses are made, but when a poor person is well-spoken and intelligent, they are assumed not to be poor.

In conclusion, the following qualities "scream old money": hypocrisy, ignorance, and arrogance.

Yes and something that is not in style or just cheap is great if they do it (like someone mentioned Triscuits), but if someone not in their social sphere did a similar thing it is looked down on.